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Square Roots is like a book club, but for classic RPGs! Each episode John, Matthew, Jim and Vanessa play through a chunkerino of one of your favorite RPGs, from Final Fantasy through Chrono Trigger. Are they experts? No. Are they qualified? Absolutely not. Are they good at RPGs? Probably not. But they're the fun kind of dumb, and that's what counts.
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Grandia II Part 5: Mareg's Bara Tiddies!
2:23:20
2:23:20
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Grandia II Part 5: Mareg's Bara Tiddies! Square Roots - Episode 461 Level Up Starts at 01:53:00 Johnny gets to see Mareg's big manly chest in a pre-rendered cutscene, and he does NOT shut up about it throughout this episode. Sure, the Dreamcast game's pre-rendered cutscenes have the look of 1996's Tekken 2, and the scene is bizarrely animated, but …
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Grandia II Part 4: Droppin' Hot Yomis
2:26:41
2:26:41
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Grandia II Part 4: Droppin' Hot Yomis Square Roots - Episode 460 Level Up Starts at 01:51:00 It's Straight Night this week on Square Roots! That's right, the gay is gone, so it's just Matthew, Jim, and Vanessa. Finally they can get to the straight truth: they love being in traffic. Also they played some more Grandia II, this time in a beefy chunker…
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Grandia II Part 3: Bursting Through the Doors of the St Heim Inn
2:36:08
2:36:08
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Grandia II Part 3: Bursting Through the Doors of the St Heim Inn Square Roots - Episode 459 Level Up Starts at 02:08:00 This time on Square Roots Jim's off on an adventure, so it's just Vanessa, Johnny and Matthew trying to sort out what they got wrong about Switch II news this week. But things get weird in this chunk of Game Arts's Grandia II, whe…
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Grandia II Part 2: The Gen-X Cheech and Chong
2:36:18
2:36:18
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Grandia II Part 2: The Gen-X Cheech and Chong Square Roots - Episode 458 Level Up Starts at 01:55:00 Johnny asks a question that may make you spit out your drink, be warned. Do not drink any liquids while listening to this episode. But anyway! Grandia II! Game Arts's zany adventure gets into gear: you've got the evil brother, a dark secret buried u…
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Grandia II Part 1: Max Load Square Roots - Episode 457 Level Up Starts at 01:58:30 Are you ready to dive back into the exciting world of Game Arts's Grandia on this exciting new chapter of Square Roots? We ask all the important questions, like what is a geohound? A guy looking for rocks? A risk breaker? A dog looking for rocks? We can't be sure, bu…
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Sonic Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood Part 5: Stevie Nicks, You're Going To Jail
2:21:47
2:21:47
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Sonic Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood Part 5: Stevie Knicks, You're Going To Jail Square Roots - Episode 456 Level Up Starts at 01:57:45 We speed towards the finale of Sonical Chronicles by BioWare, fast like a hedgehog through a loop-de-loop. Does Sonic nail the landing? Or is he all out of rings? Vanessa, Johnny and Matthew debate the pros and c…
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Sonic Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood Part 4: Bon Vi Von
2:36:14
2:36:14
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Sonic Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood Part 4: Bon Vi Von Square Roots - Episode 455 Level Up Starts at 01:38:00 Finally the whole squad is back for an episode where we are definitely very good at staying on topic as we get to the strange sci-fi worlds of Chapter 7 and 8 of Sonical Chronicles! There's rock men, goo men, and even robomen! But not Eg…
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Sonic Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood Part 3: The Return of Boys Night
1:45:03
1:45:03
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Sonic Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood Part 3: The Return of Boys Night Square Roots - Episode 454 Level Up Starts at 01:15:30 With Vanessa out at a show or something, it's another BOYS NIGHT! So gather round, crack open a beer, and name your favourite monster trucks with us as we play through two more chapters of Sonical Chronicles! There's meatba…
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Sonic Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood Part 2: A Chat About Eggs, Man
2:13:06
2:13:06
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Sonic Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood Part 2: A Chat About Eggs, Man Square Roots - Episode 453 Level Up Starts at 01:39:00 Jim's out on a date, so we're gonna be a little insane on this episode Square Roots. Vanessa's on probation, Johnny's gone waffles crazy, and Matt does nothing but read books now. But we're playing what Vanessa calls a Gatewa…
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Sonic Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood Part 1: Charmy the Bee is Still an Ongoing Concern.
2:41:44
2:41:44
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Square Roots - Episode 452 Level Up Starts at 02:09:00 SEGA and BioWare form the ultimate dream team for our new season of Square Roots! That's right, we're tackling the Sonic RPG Sonic Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood and finally we get stylus based controls and dialogue trees in our sonic games! Plus this game has all sorts of deep cuts: there's …
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Thief: The Dark Project Part 5 - The Ratman Mystery
1:59:52
1:59:52
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Square Roots - Episode 451 Level Up Starts at 01:27:30 We finally meet Matt's favourite friends, Thief: The Dark Project's Rat Men. Or... are they dinosaurs? This might seem like an easy question, but the more images we get of the supposed rat men, the more questions we have. Like: why do they have a forked tail? Are they monkeys? Why do they sound…
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Thief: The Dark Project Part 4 - A Very Whispery Mission
1:33:24
1:33:24
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Thief: The Dark Project Part 4 - A Very Whispery Mission Square Roots - Episode 450 Level Up Starts at 01:20:30 This time even the DLC level is pretty great in this penultimate chunker of Thief! It's an eye-poppingly good time as we infiltrate the Hammerites, do chores for a ghost, and go for a surprise night at the opera. Also: - The Gene Shallot …
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Thief: The Dark Project Part 3 - This City Ain't Lost Any More, Is It
1:36:02
1:36:02
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Square Roots - Episode 449 Level Up Starts at 01:19:45 This time in the sneaky Looking Glass classic game Thief, Johnny, Jim and Matthew tackle some levels! Can you guess which ones are DLC and which were in the original release? Probably? There's a chunk of the city that was lost to a cataclysm, some colour coded mages towers, and a chunk of the c…
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Thief: The Dark Project Part 2 - A Little Moss Volcano
1:45:00
1:45:00
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Square Roots - Episode 448 Level Up Starts at 01:24:20 We're all thieves, and sometimes thieves take their time and don't play to where they say they're going to. So we blasted through missions 4 through 6, which takes us through a fancy mansion, two fancy mansions connected by a sewer, and then a fancy but spooky mansion! Fortunately we make a new…
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Thief: The Dark Project Part 1 - Jim's Hole Sale Prices
2:13:43
2:13:43
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Square Roots - Episode 447 Level Up Starts at 01:44:15 Now that Sea of Stars is over we can promise one thing: no more Garl puns. Now we're on to Thief: The Dark Project by Looking Glass Studios. Enjoy the intense 90s cutscenes! Revell in the developers voicing many side characters! Quiet down your steps with moss arrows! Explode some zombies with …
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Sea of Stars - Part 6: James Acaster Plays Leisure Suit Larry
2:22:11
2:22:11
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Square Roots - Episode 446 Level Up Starts at 02:03:30! It's a wrap on Sea of Stars this chunker, and someone didn't finish! And it's not who you think! We go through the two endings, talk to some fish, meet a tiger man, and go through a gross castle full of goop and body parts. YEAH! Also: - Garl Interrupted - Garl's Just Want To Have Fun - Who's …
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Sea of Stars Part 5: Are You Gonna Be My Garl?
2:23:09
2:23:09
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We are sure that the technical issue that caused the original second half of this episode to be lost won’t be noticed and the transition to the new recording will be seamless. Garl finds himself being the true hero of this game as he now has a near-death vision explaining what he needs to do before he dies. Level Up: 01:48:15 Also: * Squish Squish …
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Sea of Stars - Part 4: A Sith Puzzle For Babies
2:07:46
2:07:46
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Square Roots - Episode 444 Level Up Starts at 01:36:00! Finally, we return to the Sea of Stars and a lot of stuff happens in this chunker! There's gorilla kids! Elderly enslaved kids! You sail into a mouth! And you get a secret weapon that morphs solstice magic into a [REDACTED] attack! Also: - An Edgier Pac-Man - Don't You Dare Make Fun of Capital…
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Square Roots Christmas Gift Guide 2024
1:11:45
1:11:45
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We decided to drop a special Christmas themed bonus episode for you this week! It's the Square Roots Christmas Gift Guide 2024!!! Join us as we discuss what presents we got for all your favorite RPG characters. We'll be back next week with our regularly scheduled Sea of Stars episode.By Square Roots Podcast
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Square Roots - Episode 443 Level Up Starts at 02:00:30! It's a Marvel's Captain America: Civil War on this podcast, as Matthew's Dreamatorium Podcast Within A Podcast is squaring off against Johnny's Dreamcast, a podcast within a podcast. But also we played more Sea of Stars! And we got to the big End of Act 1 twist! Gasp! Things change! Allegience…
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Sea of Stars - Part 2: A Neck Romancer
2:58:56
2:58:56
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Square Roots - Episode 442 Level Up Starts at 02:23:18 The adventure truly begins as Johnny joins forces with Matt, Jim and Vanessa to tackle the pressing question about Sea of Stars: What the hell is this Wheels game anyway? Also we meet some fourth wall breaking pirates and fight two separate necromancers. Also: - Garl is the Jimminy Cricket - Jo…
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Sea of Stars - Part 1: But Have You Seen A Whole Boob?
2:19:49
2:19:49
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Square Roots - Episode 441 Level Up Starts At 01:50:15 On this celestial episode of Square Roots, Jim guides Vanessa and Matt through the opening of 2023's beloved throwback style RPG, Sea of Stars. That's right: Vanessa plays a pixel game like some kind of baby, and it doesn't make her feel better when the game just keeps on the baby-themes for th…
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Would You Eat This Bird? The 2024 Edition
1:37:48
1:37:48
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Square Roots - American Thanksgiving Bonus On this Square Roots, we're going to learn how to say no to drugs when a 8 year old tries to give you free weed. Or how you'll deflate like a balloon on your couch. Wait, no, that's not what we do on this episode. On this episode we look at sixteen birds - 15 of which are from Final Fantasy 7 Rebirth so be…
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Square Roots - Episode 440 Level Up Starts at 1:47:45! Today is all about silly funny fun. There's goofy fun adventures, and our bestest princess of light and good and low chaos allows an old man to continue to live tied to machines and under the control of his slightly mad nurse. She also helps an unconscious woman have her dream wedding with a co…
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Dishonored Part 5: Big Labia Energy
2:31:36
2:31:36
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Dishonored Part 5: Big Lesbian Energy Square Roots Episode 439 This ep has a LOT of positive energy! We're all in a GREAT mood! Too much talk about labias Imperial Majesty Vanessa Hot Gay News! Johnny pulls a real life Mr. Bean and plays the wrong DLC EVERYTHING IS AWESOME This Week: Knife of Dunwall Next Week: Finish The Witches of Brigmore! Our P…
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