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Welcome to DNA Surprises, a podcast that delves into the world of unexpected DNA discoveries. I'm your host, Alexis Hourselt. In July 2021, my life took a surprising turn when I found out l'm an NPE-a person who's experienced a non-paternal event. In other words, my biological father isn't who I thought he was. Join me as we explore the stories of NPEs, adoptees, and donor-conceived people and their families. Get ready to unravel the astonishing journeys that begin with a simple DNA test —th ...
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At the end of every DNA Surprises episode, I ask my guests two questions. I ask for advice for people in our community, and I ask for advice for parents keeping a DNA surprise from their child. Time and time again, guests implore parents to tell the truth. But when is the right time to tell? And are the ramifications different than when a DNA surpr…
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Hindsight is 20/20. After experiencing a DNA surprise, it’s easy to look back at moments throughout our childhoods and realize that the truth was there all along. Growing up in Indiana, Brittany always felt like an outsider. Her parents were divorced, and when she asked her dad if she could go live with him, he revealed that he wasn’t her biologica…
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This is part 3 of a 3-part series. If you haven’t listened to parts 1 and 2, be sure to go back and listen before starting this episode. In Part 3 of Elizabeth’s story, we find out what happened after she visited her family and met her biological father for the first time ever. She shares what those first moments felt like and where things stand af…
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So what happened after Elizabeth sent off those letters to her siblings? In Part 2 of Elizabeth’s DNA surprise story, she reveals how she was able to make contact with several of her newfound siblings - and her biological father. I loved this conversation because we get a glimpse into the other side of the DNA surprise equation - the found family’s…
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Welcome to a new season of DNA Surprises. We’re kicking this season off with a triple-episode premiere as we follow Elizabeth on her DNA surprise journey. Elizabeth grew up knowing that the man she called “Dad” wasn’t her biological father, but she also grew up believing that the man she believed was, didn’t want to be part of her life. Her childho…
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Welcome to the season 10 finale of DNA Surprises. Buy one, get two. No, this isn’t an ad for the latest testing kit sale. In this week’s episode, I’m joined by Dave and Denise, a married couple who discovered that they were both NPEs after their grandson took a DNA test. Before you listen to this episode, I want to take a moment to remind listeners…
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When someone uncovers a DNA surprise, their family tree changes. That sounds simple, but the reality is that our roots, so many of the things that make us, us, come from generations before us. In this week’s episode Melissa shares her profound journey after discovering that the man who raised her is not her biological father. From uncovering clues …
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If we don’t laugh, we’ll cry. DNA surprises can be gut-wrenching and difficult experiences, but some of us can find humor in almost any situation. In this week’s laughter-filled episode, Lauren LoGuidice tells the story of how she learned she was donor conceived. Lauren discusses how she never fit in with her raised family but was regularly dismiss…
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When someone opens up their DNA test results, the outcome isn’t always an explosive surprise. Sometimes, it takes a while of pulling at a thread before a truth is unraveled. In this week’s episode, Christine shares how her curiosity about one of her ethnicity results led to her shocking discovery that her dad isn’t her biological father. But in ano…
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Imagine uncovering your DNA surprise, experiencing the shock and devastation that comes with it, and then learning that the surprise wasn’t a total surprise after all? Earlier this season, we heard a story like this, and in this week’s episode, you’ll hear another. When Tamara confronted her mom about her DNA surprise, she was shocked to learn that…
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After a DNA surprise is uncovered, many moments from the past come into focus. Especially moments that, in hindsight, were missed opportunities for parents to tell the truth. In this week’s episode, Christina shares how she uncovered her DNA surprise and how she’s feeling about seven months into her discovery. She discusses how she’s struggling wit…
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As we’ve heard earlier this season, many people within the DNA surprise community saw their test results as mere confirmation of something they’d long suspected. But as heard in this week’s episode, not everyone was able to put their finger on just why they felt different. Chaya never felt like she fit in with her family. She found solace in music …
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After three years of making this podcast and speaking to people who’ve experienced life-altering DNA surprises, I’ve noticed several trends. One trend is that oftentimes, the biological father is someone a guest knew from childhood. Another trend is a tumultuous relationship with the mother. In this week’s episode, Kim shares her emotional journey …
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If you’ve had a DNA surprise, how many times have you been told you should write a book? This week’s episode is a story that is truly stranger than fiction. Traci shares how, at 19, her mother revealed the truth about her paternity. This truth sent Traci reeling, but her mother insisted that she always knew the truth. Her mom went on to explain the…
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"I knew it!" Or, "I had no idea." When it comes to DNA surprises, some people are completely blindsided. Others felt like they knew it all along. Danielle never felt like she fit in with her family. Her mother died when she was just three years old, and for the rest of her childhood, she was raised by her dad, who travelled often for work, and her …
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Black sheep. Golden child. In the DNA surprise community, these are labels we hear a lot. In this week’s episode, Sarah shares her emotional journey before, during, and after, her DNA discovery. Growing up, she never felt like she fit in, but her concerns were often dismissed. Many years later, her suspicions were confirmed–her dad, Joe was not her…
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Welcome to season 10 of DNA Surprises. This season is jampacked with incredible stories that explore the emotional journeys of DNA discoveries. If you’ve had a DNA surprise, you’ll hear stories that you may relate to and gain inspiration from. If you haven’t had a DNA surprise, this season will continue to give you insight into the complexities of …
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Intergenerational trauma. It’s something we talk about a lot here. The most common cycles we discuss are the patterns of keeping secrets and the patterns of shame. In this week’s episode, you will hear a story about a cycle of NPEs. When Bobbi became pregnant with her third child, she knew that was not in a position to care for another baby. She re…
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Who would I have become if I had known the truth? How were the interactions I had throughout my life colored by an unknown truth? These are questions so many of us ask ourselves, over and over and over again. The reality is, we will never know, no more than we would know who we would have become if we’d been born in another country. Part of the DNA…
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If you’ve had a DNA surprise, you might listen to this podcast from the perspective of someone who just uncovered their results. Or did it happen years ago, when consumer DNA testing became popular? What has changed for you since the day you opened your test results? In this week’s episode, I’m joined by a guest from Season 1, Crystal. Crystal had …
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When people uncover DNA surprises, they are often left to unpack the mysteries themselves. From the who, what, when and where around their births to where their newly identified family members are today, we spend hours searching newspapers, online archives, and obituaries. Many times, we find what we’re looking for. Sometimes, we don’t. In this wee…
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Liann's DNA Surprise | Pat's DNA Surprise - Updates
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Did you know that the DNA Surprises podcast community meets in a virtual support group every month? We started the Third Thursday Meetup in 2023 to serve as an additional resource for NPEs, late-discovery donor-conceived people, and late-discovery adoptees to find community and support. Third Thursdays have quickly become one of my favorite nights …
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Not every DNA surprise has a happy ending. And sometimes, what seems like a happy ending takes a turn. But the opposite is also true. In this week’s episode, Shannon shares how she learned the truth about her paternity and had to wait several years before she could identify her biological father. When she finally found him, he was receptive, before…
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Many people in the DNA surprise community grew up with dads, or birth certificate fathers, BCFs as they’re often called. We are raised by these men and then one day, through a DNA test or other means, we learn that they are not our biological fathers. But what if you never really felt like you had a dad? How does a DNA surprise affect you? In this …
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DNA Surprises bring up a range of emotions, and if there’s one thing I hope I’ve made clear on this show, all those emotions are valid. In this week’s episode, Joan shares why her DNA surprise was more of an interesting adventure than a dramatic event. Her story is one of optimism, curiosity, and patience - it took her a decade to solve her mystery…
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Welcome to the 100th episode of DNA surprises! OK, technically I’ve had more than 100 episodes already, but this is the 100th DNA Surprise story I’ve had the privilege of sharing with you all. So, in celebration of 100 episodes, I thought we’d take it allll the way back to the beginning. In this week’s episode, I’m joined once again by Yvette, my v…
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It’s your story. You have the right to tell it. This is something we hear a lot in the DNA surprise community - I say it a lot myself. In this week’s episode, Ruby shares a unique perspective on this philosophy. Ruby took her DNA test expecting to learn more about her Mexican heritage, and instead uncovers a half-sibling and learns her biological f…
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What would you do if you found out that your biological father wasn’t the man who raised you, but someone you’d known in the periphery of much of your life? Someone who’d photographed weddings, even done your taxes? In this episode, Beth shares her journey after discovering her biological father was a long-time colleague of her mother. Beth talks a…
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What never fails to surprise me is how innocently DNA surprises begin. In this episode, we hear from Doe - yes, that’s a pseudonym - who uncovered her DNA surprise in 2021. A skillful genealogist, Doe bought a DNA test for her husband, who was curious about his family history. As it just so happened, she purchased the test during a buy one, get one…
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Welcome to the Season 8 finale of DNA Surprises. In this episode, I’m joined by Deanna, who shares her NPE story. Deanna has experienced unspeakable amounts of hardship in her life, from abandonment to abuse to her DNA discovery. Her story is difficult - and powerful. You’ll hear how she’s still reckoning with the what-might-have-beens and the whys…
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Every DNA Surprise is unique—the who, what, when, and why surrounding an NPE vary from person to person. Still, after nearly 100 interviews, I’ve noticed consistent themes in these stories. One of those themes is a complicated mother-child relationship. When Jennifer took her DNA test, she had no idea that her family tree would change forever. As i…
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DNA Surprises are confusing. They’re confusing for the people they happen to as they try to make sense of newfound information. With so many characters, twists, and turns in each story, they’re also confusing for people listening to DNA Surprises stories. This week’s DNA surprise story is no exception. In fact, it features a triple-NPE. So before w…
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To paraphrase The Beatles, we get by with a little help from our friends. This is especially true when it comes to DNA Surprises. In this week’s episode, coworkers Robyn and Ida share their NPE discoveries, which happened right around the same time. In fact, Robyn used her genealogy skills to identify Ida’s father. They each reflect on their person…
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DNA surprises rarely happen in a vacuum. So many of the people I speak to have experienced other traumas throughout their lives, long before sending off DNA tests. In this week’s episode, Courtney shares how her mother’s mental health struggles played a large part in her childhood. She knew she was adopted by her stepfather when she was young and g…
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Bonus Episode | Generational Healing - A Conversation About Generational Trauma with Therapist Iliamari Vazquez Houston
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In this bonus episode of DNA Surprises, I chat with Iliamari Vazquez Houston, a therapist based out of the Phoenix metro area. Iliamari will facilitate a session on generational trauma - and generational healing - at the DNA Surprise Retreat, September 19-22, 2024 in Phoenix, AZ. We discuss what generational trauma is and how we can begin to break …
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Sometimes, after DNA surprises are revealed, our relationships with our raised parents become strained. Sometimes, this leads to estrangement. But for others, these surprises simply compound already strained relationships. When Dawn had her DNA surprise, she was already virtually no contact with her mother. In this week’s episode, she shares why sh…
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Bonus Episode | Just Breathe - An Introduction to Breathwork with Jenna Hedstrom
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In this bonus episode of DNA Surprises, I chat with Jenna Hedstrom, E-RYT 500 and Expert Breathwork Facilitator. Jenna will lead a breathwork session at the DNA Surprise Retreat, September 19-22, 2024 in Phoenix, AZ. During our conversation, we discuss what breathwork is and how it benefits us. We also chat about how to overcome blockers around pra…
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(CW: Suicide, abuse) A common question in our community is “when is the right time to tell the truth about parentage?” While some say there is never a good time to tell, many believe that the truth should be shared from birth. In this week’s episode, Miranda’s story highlights the importance of telling early - and often. Miranda’s mother never hid …
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Bonus Episode | Trauma-Informed Yoga with Lanita Ugstad
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During this bonus episode of DNA Surprises, I interview advanced yoga teacher Lanita Ugstad. Lanita will facilitate a gentle movement session at the DNA Surprise Retreat, September 19-22, 2024 in Phoenix, AZ. We discuss how yoga is beneficial for people who have experienced trauma, and what it means to facilitate a session through a trauma lens. La…
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Did you grow up feeling different from your family? That feeling of being inexplicably out of place haunts many people in the DNA surprise community throughout childhood and adulthood - before they uncover the truth. In this week’s episode, Sarah shares how while she always felt different from her family - she was more sensitive and had a different…
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Bonus Episode | Processing Betrayal Trauma with Therapist Venessa De La Cruz
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In this bonus episode of DNA Surprises, I speak with therapist Venessa De La Cruz about betrayal trauma. Venessa will facilitate a session on Betrayal Trauma at the DNA Surprise Retreat, September 19-22 in Phoenix, AZ. She defines what betrayal trauma is and how things like DNA surprises can manifest for us both physically and mentally. We also div…
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So many DNA surprises start with a gift. Mothers Day. Fathers Day. Prime Day. Christmas. Almost every month, consumer DNA testing companies offer deals encouraging people to give a DNA test as a present. If you’re listening to this podcast, you know how this sometimes turns out. In this week's episode, Shannon shares how after receiving a DNA test …
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Bonus Episode | Inner Child, Inner Healing - An Intro to Parts Work with Therapist Megan Irwin
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This special episode of DNA Surprises features Megan Irwin, a licensed therapist specializing in grief, loss, trauma, and PTSD. Megan will facilitate a session on parts work at the 2024 DNA Surprise Retreat, September 19-22 in Phoenix, AZ. During our discussion, we covered what parts work is (and isn’t) and why people typically think of it in terms…
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Race. Ethnicity. Heritage. These are complex topics without the added nuance of a DNA surprise. Author Janeen Jackson grew up with two younger brothers and her parents in an African American household. In this week’s episode, she shares how, through a DNA test, she not only learned that she is adopted, but that her biological father is a white man.…
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If there is one thing I hope we can all agree on, it’s that families come in all shapes and sizes. Many people with DNA surprises end up with two, three, or more fathers and just as many mothers, too. When Steve experienced his DNA surprise, he already had two men in his life that he called “Dad.” After he learned the truth about who his biological…
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Most of the time, when I speak to people on the podcast, we learn that the reason they took the test was out of curiosity or for fun. Maybe they were given the DNA test as a gift from a friend or significant other. So imagine my surprise when I learned that this week’s guest was given her Ancestry DNA kit by her mother. Welcome to Season 8 of DNA S…
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There is never a good time to discover that the man you’ve called “Dad” for your entire life isn’t biologically related to you, but I imagine that having this realization as he lays in a hospital bed, dying, must be among the worst. In the season 7 finale of DNA Surprises, Dana Schmalenberg shares how she uncovered the truth that both of her parent…
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Angela, Wyatt, Cassidy, and Cody’s DNA Surprise
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How do you define family? For so many of us, DNA surprises have made us reflect deeply on this question. For Wyatt, Cassidy, Cody, and Angela, the answer is different depending on who you ask.Twenty-plus years ago when Wyatt, Cassidy, and Cody were born, fertility clinics didn’t advocate for disclosure. So when their mother and father asked Angela,…
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Many of us who have had DNA surprises spend some time wondering “What if?” What if we’d been raised in a different house, with our newly discovered biological parent? What if we’d known the truth from the beginning? What would our lives look like now? Would they be better? Or…would they be worse? In this week’s episode, Lisa shares how she uncovere…
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Picture this: you grow up with a sibling who is convinced they are not your dad’s biological child. No one knows about DNA surprises or NPEs or anything like that, but they just know their dad isn't THEIR dad. Years later, after commercial DNA testing becomes commonplace, you offer them some peace of mind. All of your siblings take a test to prove,…
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