Best Dr Deborah Sword With Co Host Tyson Bankert Podcasts (2025)

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83 What do you fear in conflict? 10:08

2d ago10:08

10:08

What would your situation look like if you weren't afraid? Fear is a 360 degree driver of conflict, from starting conflict to escalation, to creating impasse, to preventing implementation of an agreement. There are conflict competencies for meeting the fears that hold you back from having difficult conversations. We discuss some of those conflict c…

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82 What conflict competencies would you wish for your 30-year-old self? 3:31

6d ago3:31

3:31

No one is born conflict competent. Over time, we learn complex communication. The quality of our relationships improves. In this second take on what skills we wish our younger selves had known, we move up a decade to slightly more advanced conflict competencies: perspective taking, and graciously accepting that loving critics give feedback we might…

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81 How conflict competence impacts loneliness for the better 8:03

9d ago8:03

8:03

Conflict competence improves quality of relationships. Building community improves quality of life. In this era of loneliness, where friends are so important, are your relationships dependent on your friends having opinions you agree with or like? Here are some strategies for sharing conflicting points of view (POV) without it causing conflict. Imp…

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80 What conflict competencies would you wish for your 20-year-old self? 3:50

13d ago3:50

3:50

No one is born conflict competent. Babies don't negotiate, they demand. Over time, we grow up and learn people skills. The quality of our relationships improves. For some, with homes that nurture learning these skills, conflict competence comes early and easy. For some, like me, home wasn't a calm and conflict competent environment. My learning con…

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79 Do you and your roommates (or family) need a conflict management plan? 12:08

16d ago12:08

12:08

If you find yourself sharing space, whether with a partner, roommate, family, or stranger, it's a good idea to agree with them on a conflict management plan. But, if you didn't have an agreement on how to resolve conflicts before you have a conflict, it isn't too late to invite the discussion. Here are some suggestions. Send us a text. We love hear…

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78 How do you use and practice conflict analysis? 5:47

20d ago5:47

5:47

The conflict competency I use most often is conflict analysis. You want to answer the right question and resolve the correct conflict, which means analyzing what's really going on. Look beneath the surface, and dig deeper than motives and personalities. These two novels demonstrate the types of analysis that get to the heart of the conflict. show n…

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77 How to ask good questions that invite conversations 8:52

23d ago8:52

8:52

This is the third episode on what makes a good question in conflict situations. We look at the purpose you want your question to serve in the conflict you’re having. The conflict competence is to use good questions as an invitation into a conversation. We show you how. Show notes Episode 72: what’s a good question when you’re calm may not land the …

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76 How do you know when to quit trying dialogue? 5:39

27d ago5:39

5:39

Are there times when trying dialogue is wasted time? A listener mentions our polarized political climate, and asks if dialogue is always the way to approach emotionally charged differences in opinion. If it's time to stop trying, how would you know? How would you quit trying? Here are some examples of conflict competent responses when dialogue isn'…

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75 What movie, show or book shows conflict competence done well? 9:22

30d ago9:22

9:22

It's an accepted truth of the creative community that conflict is story. No conflict, no story. No conflict is boring, not drama. Or no dramatic story that anyone wants to read or watch. What are the conflict competencies we can learn from rewriting the script of the conflicts in stories so the characters talk to each other before the conflict beco…

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74 What makes a good question the right question? 4:48

1M ago4:48

4:48

A good question is the right question for the conflict you’re having. You’ve heard the expression: there’s no such thing as a silly question. But, in conflict, some questions keep a conflict going, escalate the conflict and/or inflame hard feelings. Here are examples of good and not-so -good questions. show notes: Episodes 58, 60, and 72 discuss ho…

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73 Why describe your conflict in story or simile? 10:49

1M ago10:49

10:49

We remember stories better than we remember lectures. Stories entertain, comfort, explain, build bonds, persuade, and teach, among other connections. How you tell the story of your conflict reveals your point of view. We discuss how differing points of view are integrated to make a more complete story of the conflict. We suggest you find a role mod…

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72 What is a good question? 5:51

1M ago5:51

5:51

A good question increases your chance to get good answers. How you think about a good question and its answer is different in the heat of conflict than how you think about questions and answers in calm conversation. What are those differences and how can you navigate from calm convo to questions that don't provoke more conflict? Here are some examp…

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71 Do you have a mediator's mindset? 9:18

1M ago9:18

9:18

Having a mediator's mindset is a valuable skill in any job, not only in the job officially known as mediation. Conflict management is hard and a soft skills to add to your resume. We discuss the ways you can grow your conflict competence with your approaches to relationships, to conflict, and to life. Send us a text. We love hearing from you. Dr. D…

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70 Three steps to being a better listener, (even when you're upset in the heat of conflict) 4:15

2M ago4:15

4:15

You already have conflict competencies like good listening. But do you use your best listening skill in the heat of conflict? Here are three steps to help you bridge the gap between knowing how to listen, and using the listening skills you have. Send us a text. We love hearing from you. Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of exp…

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69 How to build trust in yourself 7:27

2M ago7:27

7:27

Perhaps you've taken the course on how to have have difficult conversations. You know how to do it. But now, in real life, do you trust yourself to actually have those difficult conversations? We discuss self-trust building, the role of power imbalances that make it hard to communicate, and the risk of communicating your needs when the stakes are h…

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68 where did your conflict mental map come from? 5:08

2M ago5:08

5:08

Everyone has at least one conflict mental map; a picture in your mind about how you believe conflict should be conducted, and what you expect of those in conflict with you. But where did you form this conflict mental map? show notes Shoalts, Adam, A History of Canada in Ten Maps: Epic Stories of Charting a Mysterious Land. Allen Lane, 2017, ISBN-10…

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67 Is trust a necessary ingredient for managing your conflicts? 11:07

2M ago11:07

11:07

"Trust exists in relationships in different types and amounts. Maybe your friendships have a comfortable, lasting trust between intimates. Or, maybe you don't trust a person at all but have to deal with them. Trust is nice to have, has to be rebuilt when it's broken, and can't be bought. We discuss trust building measures that you can apply to impr…

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66 How your self-beliefs grow your conflict competence 4:57

2M ago4:57

4:57

What you tell yourself about your conflict competencies is what you believe is true. Are you telling yourself information that will grow your skills? On the conflict competence continuum of skills, where you put your pin will influence and inform how you do conflict. show notes. These scholars research how our beliefs shape our choices in life. * M…

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65 What life experiences inform your conflict competencies? 12:39

2M ago12:39

12:39

Everyone experiences conflict, and has ways of dealing with it but some ways are better than others for improving the quality of your relationships. It's never too late to learn more and better ways. Tyson and Deborah share how they learned conflict management, what tools they use most (spoiler - for Deborah, it's conflict analysis), when they bega…

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64 How is self awareness a conflict competency? 3:51

2M ago3:51

3:51

"Know thyself!" comes to us as philosophical wisdom from antiquity. Self awareness is a conflict competency that increases your adaptability. The self you know is a learning, growing being who strives for quality relationships. Self awareness can prevent conflict, make you more adaptable to manage different kinds of conflict with different strategi…

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63 Is your frame big enough to picture your whole conflict? 7:14

2M ago7:14

7:14

Everyone has a view of how the world should work according to themselves. Your view is a frame that your holds, among other things, your beliefs, concerns, values, and hopes. But sometimes, your frame rubs wrong against someone else's frame, and oops, conflict happens. That's when a reframe adds a valuable conflict competence. We describe user-frie…

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62 what's in a name? Quite a lot when it's a conflict 4:04

3M ago4:04

4:04

You have habits, everyone does. Habits are patterns of how you behave. Once you recognize how you usually or often react in a conflict you have identified your conflict pattern. Name your reaction pattern, the emotions driving that pattern, and the pattern you'd rather have. Name it, own it, improve it. Show notes Juliet spoke to herself (Act 2, Sc…

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61 how to use opportunities to change your conflict 12:05

3M ago12:05

12:05

Conflicts unfold over time to become patterns. We discuss the many opportunities to manage, shift, change and reframe conflict patterns. When you change the pattern you improve your conflict competence. Tyson refers to adrienne maree brown: https://adriennemareebrown.net/2015/02/02/trust-the-people/ "if you do not trust the people, they will become…

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60 How do you show curiosity without sounding judgmental? 3:27

3M ago3:27

3:27

Does your attachment to your point of view make your good questions sound like judgments? Here are four steps to showing that your curiosity comes from your good intentions. Send us a text. We love hearing from you. Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it,…

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59 How do conflict competencies affect politics? 8:14

3M ago8:14

8:14

It's election 2025 tomorrow in Canada, and we discuss conflict competence as a skill in every interaction, as well as necessary for democracy, electioneering, voting, and governing. Send us a text. We love hearing from you. Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, …

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58 What does it mean to ask "good questions" 5:49

3M ago5:49

5:49

Defaulting to curiosity rather than judgement is conflict competent. But, what if that curious question still sounds judgemental? We show you how to ask conflict competent questions, so you can diffuse conflict. The article the explains better questions than starting with the word "why" at this link: https://deborahsword.com/a-conflict-analysis-of-…

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57 What conflict competencies help overcome biased thinking? 14:47

3M ago14:47

14:47

A bias can make decisions easier. You don't have to think hard if you already know your bias for herbal tea and against caffeinated tea. But when biases cause conflict, or stop you from enjoying the company of friends who hold perspectives you don't share, you'll want some conflict competent hacks to overcome biased thinking. We discuss four of the…

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56 What's the disconnect between your intention and the impact? 5:15

3M ago5:15

5:15

Have you made a comment that you intended as helpful and been criticized rather than thanked? Depending on how you respond in the situation, the cycle of defensive reaction either escalates or is diffused. You can decide if a conflict happens or not. We discuss two useful conflict competencies and how to use them. Send us a text. We love hearing fr…

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55 How do you express vulnerability in your conflicts? 7:18

3M ago7:18

7:18

You have choices about how and when you let the person you're in conflict with know that you're feeling vulnerable. Since your sense of your vulnerability influences the decisions you make in conflict, it's a conflict competence to be mindful of how vulnerable you feel, and how you choose to express or hide that vulnerability. Send us a text. We lo…

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54 What's on your conflict mental map? 4:31

3M ago4:31

4:31

Everyone has a mental map of what conflict does or should look like, how it unfolds, and your ideal ending. Not everything on your conflict mental map is conflict competent. What may be on your conflict mental map as one of your strategies may not optimally belong there. Deborah discusses 'deflection' as one strategy that you might want to delete f…

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53 How shame impacts your conflict competence 8:52

4M ago8:52

8:52

Feeling shame doesn't leave you much room for dealing with conflict. Shame fills a lot of space, crowding out empathy and perspective taking. How can you be conflict competent when you're beating up on yourself in shame? We give a few tips. Show notes: Brené Brown, in Rising Strong, writes that vulnerability is “the birthplace of many of the fulfil…

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52 When conflict competence doesn't 'work' for you 4:43

4M ago4:43

4:43

Have you taken a conflict course and then not used what you learned? Here's what you're missing when you have the knowledge and don't use it regularly. Send us a text. We love hearing from you. Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comme…

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51 Four benefits of doing the work to be more conflict competent 7:05

4M ago7:05

7:05

Maya Angelou said, “I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” Pretend you have a private studio audience cheering you on when you make people feel good. Even if people don't reciprocate your efforts to understand them, you still benefit in many ways fro…

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50 What you miss when you respond the same to every conflict 6:10

4M ago6:10

6:10

You may be comfortable avoiding conflict, which is one of the many responses available to you in conflicts. Avoiding would be your pattern and it can work well. Similarly, you may regularly default to one of the other responses, and that would be your conflict pattern. But, if you encounter a new situation, you will want more options. Here are some…

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49 What to do with conflicts stuck in past experiences, present anxieties, or future fears 8:02

4M ago8:02

8:02

The words people use can provide insights into what keeps a conflict going. It's a conflict competency to notice the past, present or future tense of words, including your own. Listen to people's word spacers, such as 'er' and 'um' and what words they emphasize or repeat. Even silence or pauses between words can be significant, such as Tyson's 7 se…

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48 The difference between presenting issues and real issues in conflict 6:59

4M ago6:59

6:59

Perhaps you know how to say what you want as an 'I message' rather than a 'you message' to avoid antagonizing the other person. I suggest additional strategies that deepen conversations and also go below any superficial presenting issue to the issue underneath. Communicating about the real issues can deepen the relationship, not just avoid antagoni…

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47 Train your brain for conflict competence 9:36

4M ago9:36

9:36

Your brain uses your senses to collect data, interpret the information, make a risk assessment, and report to you at the speed of thought. Your brain predicts what is happening, and what might happen, so that you can react. For your reaction to be conflict competent, start with observing your brain do this in real time. Send us a text. We love hear…

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46 How to decide whether to engage in, ignore or avoid conflict 5:06

4M ago5:06

5:06

Your values and many other factors influence your decision to engage with conflict, how you engage, or if you won't engage. You have more choices than you know. In making your decisions, ask yourself, How Is This About Me (H.I.T.A.M.) and Why Am I Talking (W.A.I.T.). Send us a text. We love hearing from you. Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict speciali…

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45 How empathy mapping builds conflict competence 11:55

4M ago11:55

11:55

When you understand another person, conversations can flow. Perhaps you've heard the expression: 'meet people where they are' and wondered how to do that. We describe empathy mapping and conversation analysis, which are two conflict competent approaches to holistic understanding where people are so you can meet them there. Send us a text. We love h…

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44 How to fix talking past each other 5:02

5M ago5:02

5:02

Some conversations just miss; you aren't on the same wavelength, no one seems to listen, and you feel verbally attacked. There are two conflict competence skills that get those heated debates back on track. Send us a text. We love hearing from you. Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please s…

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43 What conflict competent tools deal with bullies? 10:50

5M ago10:50

10:50

Bullies exert power over someone, perhaps to achieve a goal, and perhaps that goal is simple intimidation for selfish rewards. The bully's target has little control over an uneven and unfair conflict that the bully instigates. But, the targeted person can use conflict competent strategies that might change the bully's behaviour. Send us a text. We …

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42 How assumptions, beliefs and intentions interact in conflicts 3:35

5M ago3:35

3:35

Intentions are invisible. We predict and assume what someone intends, and then act as if what we believe is true. Game on for conflict. There are conflict competent approaches to clarifying someone's intention before we react as if what we assume is true. Send us a text. We love hearing from you. Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with deca…

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41 How to be conflict competent when provoked 13:41

5M ago13:41

13:41

There are many common statements that trigger conflict. We give strategies for how you can respond when someone pushes your buttons. Send us a text. We love hearing from you. Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love commen…

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40 Are any ghosts haunting your conflict? 4:44

5M ago4:44

4:44

If someone is trying to insert themselves into your conflict, they're like a conflict ghost. They aren't parties to the conflict, but they want to influence it anyway. Here are suggestions for conflict competent strategies to exorcise the ghost who wants to tell you how to run your conflict. Send us a text. We love hearing from you. Dr. Deborah Swo…

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39 Why you might be reluctant to apologize 6:14

5M ago6:14

6:14

Is there a downside to apologizing? What if your apology isn't accepted? We discuss the conflict competence you gain when you take a chance to offer an apology. Send us a text. We love hearing from you. Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, le…

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38 What's more effective than calling out someone you disagree with? 5:03

5M ago5:03

5:03

It's fast and easy to call out someone for an opinion or action, but is it effective? There are more conflict competent and effective steps than calling out. Deborah recommends Dr. Loretta Ross's new book, Calling In: how to start making change with those you'd rather cancel. Send us a text. We love hearing from you. Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict…

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37 What if you are given an "either this or that" forced choice? 9:33

5M ago9:33

9:33

Sometimes only two options exist, and neither is ideal. Sometimes, you can expand your choices. If you want better options, can you make the options better? We discuss how. Send us a text. We love hearing from you. Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, …

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36 How do gossip and conflict relate to each other? 5:51

6M ago5:51

5:51

Gossip may never interact with conflict, or it may cause it conflict and conflict may cause gossip. What are conflict competent responses when conflict and gossip interact in a feedback loop? Send us a text. We love hearing from you. Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our…

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35 What are the goals of a Conflict Owner's Manual? 8:24

6M ago8:24

8:24

A listener asks about Conflict Owner's Manual goals, and we answer with goals, definitions, examples, personal stories and more about conflict competencies that enhance relationships. Send us a text. We love hearing from you. Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast…

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34 Can you trust your judgment in the uncertainty of conflict? 4:52

6M ago4:52

4:52

Being in a conflict can make you doubt yourself. Conflicts thrive in that uncertainty. Here are 3 tips for trusting your own conflict competence, because what you know may be enough. Send us a text. We love hearing from you. Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast,…

Podcasts Worth a Listen

Dr Deborah Sword With Co Host Tyson Bankert Podcasts

Podcasts Worth a Listen

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