I believe I have the worst office chair to ever exist. I unearthed some horrible recipes from my childhood. And, as the price of hamburger reaches record highs, we check in with ranchers in San Antonio to get to the bottom of it all. It's an instant ICC classic today. Enjoy. New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you want to interact with the …

I'm still dreaming of joining a gang. I'm still eating Italian ices to get through the summer. And, Jessica is live from the 2nd annual company picnic, that was once again planned for a time that I can't attend. Enjoy. New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you want to interact with the show, we have a voice mailbox. Call 818-336-1146 and leav…

There's convicted felons selling meat out of a truck near me. I won big at the lottery. And, it's too hot to yield for pedestrians. Enjoy. New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you want to interact with the show, we have a voice mailbox. Call 818-336-1146 and leave feedback, or just complain, and maybe I'll use it in a future broadcast. https…

Ozzy Osbourne has died this afternoon. I had to fight an old woman for a ribeye steak. And, find out why it's fine by me for parents to leave their kids in hot cars. Enjoy. New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you want to interact with the show, we have a voice mailbox. Call 818-336-1146 and leave feedback, or just complain, and maybe I'll u…

We were promised a 10,000 hour summer blockbuster about the man with the island, but we haven't seen shit. And, my plan to defeat mother nature this summer has already failed. Enjoy. New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you want to interact with the show, we have a voice mailbox. Call 818-336-1146 and leave feedback, or just complain, and ma…

Summer 2025 is over — Halloween is here. I was involved in a car accident with a man who was too nice. And, China has cyborg bees, and they're on their way! Enjoy. New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you want to interact with the show, we have a voice mailbox. Call 818-336-1146 and leave feedback, or just complain, and maybe I'll use it in …

The annual Independence Day hot dog eating competition is a lovely disgrace to this country. I haven't seen anyone drink a glass of water since 1997. And, Texas is looking to label junk food as 'not safe for human consumption' -- like that's going to stop us. Enjoy. New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you want to interact with the show, we …

I'm very likely going to die alone in a state run facility. I have one big regret about my life. And, this new war just isn't doing it for me. Enjoy. New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you want to interact with the show, we have a voice mailbox. Call 818-336-1146 and leave feedback, or just complain, and maybe I'll use it in a future broad…

Managing a nuclear arsenal must be very similar to managing a buffet. I rented a car and got upgraded to a Mitsubishi -- that ain't right. And, I'm thinking about squatting on land in the Midwest. Enjoy. The Bear: Season 4 premieres Wednesday, June 25th, at 8 pm exclusively on Hulu. New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you want to interact w…

Israel and Iran are not being nice to each other. It's looking like an ICEy summer. And, the plan to replace migrants workers with children in Florida really devalues the work. Enjoy. New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you want to interact with the show, we have a voice mailbox. Call 818-336-1146 and leave feedback, or just complain, and m…

Elon Musk and Trump are no longer sleeping together. Somebody had to tell you the truth. And, the boys in the National Guard are invading southern California, because they can. Enjoy. New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you want to interact with the show, we have a voice mailbox. Call 818-336-1146 and leave feedback, or just complain, and m…

The grocery store seems like an innocent place, but you won't believe what they're trying to sell me now. And, it's time for our first installment of john's financial hour, which lasts about 6 minutes, and might lead to an arrest. Enjoy. New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you want to interact with the show, we have a voice mailbox. Call 81…

I was told to resist drugs and violence growing up, but one of those things is a hell of a lot of fun. The only thing I can afford to eat, evidently, has arsenic in it, and will kill me soon. And, if Saudi Arabia wants to bribe our president, they're going to have to step it up a little bit. Enjoy. New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you wa…

I will be voting for a gang member next presidential election. I can no longer afford to eat. And, hate always wins. Enjoy. New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you want to interact with the show, we have a voice mailbox. Call 818-336-1146 and leave feedback, or just complain, and maybe I'll use it in a future broadcast. https://www.icancomp…

I need the new American pope to install a McDonald's at the Vatican and lift the curse put on me by a 93 year old man!! If you didn't see your mom for Mother's Day -- you're probably out of the will. And, you shouldn't blame a kid for wanting to work for the king of chicken. Enjoy. New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you want to interact wi…

It's 2025, and there are no more deals to be had. Bill Belichick has moved to North Carolina to enjoy getting sucked off in retirement. And, migrants are being paid $1000 to leave the USA. Enjoy. New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you want to interact with the show, we have a voice mailbox. Call 818-336-1146 and leave feedback, or just com…

Jessica built a rocket and prepares to go to space live on the show to honor astronaut Katy Perry. I saw a homeless man in a dress, which left me wondering, where the hell is the love? And, chicken is fighting back and giving us cancer. Enjoy. New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you want to interact with the show, we have a voice mailbox. C…

Occasionally I'll say something that gives off the impression that I'm an expert, but in reality I don't have any idea what I'm talking about. My phone algorithm knows I'm going broke before I do. And, I bought a family size box of Nutri-Grain bars, which was a good thing -- until they pissed me off. Enjoy. New episodes are released every Tuesday. …

Getting high in the backseat of your car can solve a lot of your problems. Also, evidently, they used to rent mules, which sounds like a bad business model. And, Jessica brought me Arby's to celebrate episode #200. Enjoy. New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you want to interact with the show, we have a voice mailbox. Call 818-336-1146 and l…

If your house didn't flood this week, then your 401k is probably down 40%. I saw a six-year-old who looked about 65 years old. And, I don't want to get sentimental. Enjoy. New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you want to interact with the show, we have a voice mailbox. Call 818-336-1146 and leave feedback, or just complain, and maybe I'll us…

I've noticed nobody ever offers to share their crack cocaine with me. My local Honda dealership is 100% employee-owned, and I don't like that. And, Florida is taking steps to put children back to work! They'll be roofing in 100° weather this summer! Enjoy. * It does appear Bozeman, Montana, has a Ruth's Chris steakhouse. New episodes are released e…

Buying a Cuisinart 12 piece stainless steel cook set dooms you to a life of being middle class. Astronauts are poor. And, is pimping actually easy? Enjoy. New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you want to interact with the show, we have a voice mailbox. Call 818-336-1146 and leave feedback, or just complain, and maybe I'll use it in a future …

I reminisce about the days when I had illegal satellite. I believe I may have discovered a way to prevent many mass shootings. And, there's one breed of dog I have a big problem with. Enjoy. New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you want to interact with the show, we have a voice mailbox. Call 818-336-1146 and leave feedback, or just complain…

I might go to Mexico and risk it all. I'm not paying my taxes. And, Jessica shows off her "coastal grandmother aesthetic" in studio. Enjoy. New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you want to interact with the show, we have a voice mailbox. Call 818-336-1146 and leave feedback, or just complain, and maybe I'll use it in a future broadcast. http…

You shouldn't negotiate without a spread of food. Spring in right around the corner. And, I rented a car that didn't have the stamina I do. Enjoy. New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you want to interact with the show, we have a voice mailbox. Call 818-336-1146 and leave feedback, or just complain, and maybe I'll use it in a future broadcas…

I was denied a courtesy wave by a man in a t-shirt. Jessica's convinced I have a sad life. And, I destroyed my friend's trash can. Enjoy. New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you want to interact with the show, we have a voice mailbox. Call 818-336-1146 and leave feedback, or just complain, and maybe I'll use it in a future broadcast. https:…

There's a chance I'll be dead by morning. My neighbor hired people to remodel her home, and they're using bone saws at 3am. I saw a man forget about 9/11. I'm addicted to rice crispy treats now. I got a Taylor Swift coloring book. And, I saw some boys causing destruction and that was pretty cool. Enjoy. New episodes are released every Tuesday. If y…

The Gaza Strip is suddenly the place to be. Jessica quizes me to see how pathetic my life actually is. And, I will be having a rush hour funeral precession for maximum inconvenience. Enjoy. New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you want to interact with the show, we have a voice mailbox. Call 818-336-1146 and leave feedback, or just complain,…

You're going to want to upgrade to first class so you don't die in the cheap seats. Also, if you're my friend and you're older than me, when you go to the nursing home I ain't visiting your ass. And, Jessica says she went back to the movies for another Canadian* thriller starring Tim Allen. *Manitoba, (specifically Winnipeg this time and not just M…

Not everybody can go places. Instead of installing a security system at my place I'll just be directing burglars to vulnerable neighbors homes instead. And, Jessica debuts her new "at the movies" segment. Enjoy. New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you want to interact with the show, we have a voice mailbox. Call 818-336-1146 and leave feedb…

Cold arctic air has migrated from Canada, and I'm blaming the president. Also, it's MLK Day, Paula Deen as a DJ, and kids are stealing our jobs. Enjoy. New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you want to interact with the show, we have a voice mailbox. Call 818-336-1146 and leave feedback, or just complain, and maybe I'll use it in a future bro…

People are f'ing around with me and finding out. I could have been killed over cookies. And, I'm only listening to GloRilla in 2025. Enjoy. New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you want to interact with the show, we have a voice mailbox. Call 818-336-1146 and leave feedback, or just complain, and maybe I'll use it in a future broadcast. http…

Jessica has a surprise to start the new year. All my friends are buying the exact same Honda Civic that I have. And, evidently there's a potato cartel, and it's causing big problems. Enjoy. New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you want to interact with the show, we have a voice mailbox. Call 818-336-1146 and leave feedback, or just complain,…

Remembering Jimmy Carter, a man I've talked about a lot here on the show. Thanks for a great 2024. Enjoy. New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you want to interact with the show, we have a voice mailbox. Call 818-336-1146 and leave feedback, or just complain, and maybe I'll use it in a future broadcast. https://www.icancomplain.com/ TEXT THE…

It's time for the 1st annual lighting of the tree! Also, don't be afraid to inconvenience your loved ones and ask for late minute gifts. And, Mrs. Claus started an OnlyFans. Enjoy. New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you want to interact with the show, we have a voice mailbox. Call 818-336-1146 and leave feedback, or just complain, and mayb…

Everybody wants to know where the drones over New Jersey are coming from, and what they want, and I have the answer! Also, it's hot assassin winter. And, kids are asking for too much from Santa. Enjoy. New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you want to interact with the show, we have a voice mailbox. Call 818-336-1146 and leave feedback, or ju…

It's all over. Also, dirty soda's have arrived from Utah, and Taco Bell is pushing the boundaries. Enjoy. New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you want to interact with the show, we have a voice mailbox. Call 818-336-1146 and leave feedback, or just complain, and maybe I'll use it in a future broadcast. https://www.icancomplain.com/ TEXT THE…

It's Cyber Monday, and of course Jessica misunderstands what that means. There are three weeks to Christmas, and you do in fact need all those material things, because you don't have much else going on in your life. And, I have a wedding to attend -- and based on the invitation -- it's not off to a good start. Enjoy. New episodes are released every…

It's time for the annual stuffing of the turkey! This year, we've taken it on the road and are live from the outskirts of a Kroger parking lot in Dayton, Ohio, stuffing turkeys. Enjoy. TEXT THE RAINWATER HOTLINEBy John

I reminisce about the summer of '99, a magical time when Burger King had special sauce and Will Smith's Wild Wild West was in theaters. Also, I don't want to go to Mars and Mike Tyson's ass broke Netflix. Enjoy. New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you want to interact with the show, we have a voice mailbox. Call 818-336-1146 and leave feedb…

I recently celebrated a birthday, which has me wondering; when is it too soon to start experiencing an early mid-life crisis? Also, we elected a new president, and I think I've been misled regarding the results. Enjoy. New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you want to interact with the show, we have a voice mailbox. Call 818-336-1146 and leav…

The wait is over! It's Kamala vs. Donald in the ring for 6 rounds of action to determine who's the next president of the United States. Jessica and I are live from the Best Western Ballroom (the one connected to the Denny's) in Indianapolis, Indiana, to call the fight for you. Enjoy. New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you want to interact …

It's Halloween 2024, and you'd better watch out for goblins! I'm dressing up as a T-Rex this year, even though I really wanted to be a Pterodactyl. And, Jessica celebrates my birthday without me. Enjoy. New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you want to interact with the show, we have a voice mailbox. Call 818-336-1146 and leave feedback, or j…

After presidential hopeful Harris said she worked at McDonald's, Trump decided to roll up his sleeves and "stand over that french fry" this past weekend. And, is Bill Cosby still alive? It turns out nobody really knows. Enjoy. New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you want to interact with the show, we have a voice mailbox. Call 818-336-1146 …

My local grocery store is selling boneless cows now. And, a woman in town was passing out $100 bills if you agreed to vote for her. Enjoy. New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you want to interact with the show, we have a voice mailbox. Call 818-336-1146 and leave feedback, or just complain, and maybe I'll use it in a future broadcast. https…

Mother Nature finally crossed the line with me this week when she destroyed the fanciest McDonald's in the world. And, everyone with a pulse over the age of 55 has been hoarding toilet paper because of the dockworkers strike. Enjoy. New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you want to interact with the show, we have a voice mailbox. Call 818-336…

I've worn my favorite pants so much I've blown out the pockets. Also, Diddy likely sent shockwaves through the entire lube industry when he ordered 1000 bottles. That's a sale that can change a lube salesmen's life. And, I don't know much about vegetables. Enjoy. New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you want to interact with the show, we hav…

I came out of retirement to go back into outer space. Enjoy. New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you want to interact with the show, we have a voice mailbox. Call 818-336-1146 and leave feedback, or just complain, and maybe I'll use it in a future broadcast. https://www.icancomplain.com/ TEXT THE RAINWATER HOTLINE…

Facebook Marketplace is an interesting and dangerous place. Also, Jessica calls into the show after the presidential debate, while waiting to hopefully speak with the candidates. Enjoy. New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you want to interact with the show, we have a voice mailbox. Call 818-336-1146 and leave feedback, or just complain, and…

I'm still on a steady Flintstones vitamin regimen. Jessica has moved out and lives on the streets now. And, I've been eating a lot of refried beans lately. Enjoy. New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you want to interact with the show, we have a voice mailbox. Call 818-336-1146 and leave feedback, or just complain, and maybe I'll use it in a…