FMQ 504 I'm Stupid I don't understand - They're stupid they don't understand me

Anxiety to Confidence - The Personal Development Unplugged Podcast

“I’m Stupid — I Don’t Understand / They’re Stupid — They Don’t Understand Me”

Another Five-Minute Quickie for those deeper musings…

Ever thought “they just don’t get me” or “I must be thick because I don’t get them”? Here’s a fresh lens: The meaning of your communication is the response you get — a golden presupposition of NLP.

In this episode, we dive into:

• Why it’s your responsibility to be understood

• How feeling misunderstood (or stupid) is a communication challenge, not a personal flaw

• Simple ways to change the way you speak so your message lands

• A mindset shift to stop blaming others (or yourself) when communication fails

• The power of reflection and “musing over a G&T” to grow your emotional intelligence

If you’ve ever felt unheard or misjudged, this episode is your 10-minute reframe.

Press play. Muse. Learn. Share.

Subscribe, follow, and most of all — share this with someone who needs it. Let’s spread better communication, understanding, and kindness, one listen at a time.

Shine Brightly 🌟

Paul

Hey there! I’d love to hear from you—questions, feedback, requests—all welcome. Drop me a line or leave a comment. If you've enjoyed this episode or any other, please share and subscribe! You can reach me at [email protected].

Subscribe to the Podcast

Ready to subscribe? Click here to explore your options. Or, if you're on Apple Music or iTunes, you can go straight to subscribe or leave a review here.

Special Programs for You

For tools on developing Supreme Inner Confidence, finding Freedom from Anxiety, or specialized Hypnosis Tracks, visit PaulCloughOnline.com.

Free Hypnosis Tracks

Want access to my FREE hypnosis tracks? Head over to paulcloughonline.com/podcast.

Connect with Me

Follow me on Twitter: @pcloughie

Remember: I'm a therapist, but I'm not your therapist. This podcast and any of my online resources are for educational purposes only. Never use the hypnosis tracks or exercises if you're operating machinery, driving, or if you have epilepsy or psychiatric conditions. Always consult a healthcare provider if you're unsure.

Find Us on Other Platforms

Catch the podcast on Spotify, Castbox, iHeart Radio, YouTube, or on our Libsyn page.

Stay tuned, and keep shining brightly. ✨

Music Credits

Music by Wataboi, DreamHeaven, ccjmusic, and others from Pixabay.

And the transcript WARNING if you're a lover of the written word this may make you frustrated, or angry - you have been warned - is it an 'ism

So back with another five minute quickie slowdown, lovely. And it's another presupposition of NLP.

A useful assumption. And what's it going to be about? Forget the NLP bit, it's neuro-linguistic programming. I love the funny thing.

It's so associated with hypnosis as well and it's what I do. But I'm going to explain this thing. One of these useful assumptions and it is very simple.

It says the meaning of the communication is the response you get. You see, who's responsible for understanding? Who's responsible for understanding? It's a weird question, isn't it? I mean, there are people, and you might be one of them, I know I am, that will say something and someone doesn't get it. And you go, oh, come on.

You just don't get it. What is the matter with you? Are you stupid? Well, you might not say stupid, but you might bloody think it, don't you? What's the matter with them? Why don't they get it? It's their responsibility to get it. No, it isn't their responsibility.

It's bloody yours. You're giving this communication out. And if they don't get it, that's you.

Because you didn't get the response you want, you need to change your style of communication, the way you do it. Because I had these experiences before where people would be working in the building industry and people would talk to the lads on the tools. But they'd talk to them in pictures.

They'd talk to them in very specific details. And those guys use their hands. They want things described how they're going to do things.

Because if you keep saying, well, if you think of that picture, what it's going to be like when we're finished, they haven't got a bloody clue. They want to know how you pick something up, how you want it to be done. And when I explained this to people who were not getting the results, they changed.

Guess what? Their communication was brilliant. It's so simple. But the simple thing is, the difficult thing is, there's simplicity, there's genius, but it makes it bloody difficult sometimes.

It's hard to do. You have to do it. It's easy but hard because you have to think.

And this is where the musing comes from. Am I getting my message across? Am I getting my message across the way I want it to be received? Because it's not their responsibility. It's mine.

And in the same way, if someone is talking to you and you don't understand it and you go, oh, I must be such a klutz. I'm so dumb. I'm stupid.

I just don't understand it. No, that's their responsibility. If they're using words that you don't understand, then they're an idiot.

Well, they're not an idiot. They're behaving like an idiot because they are not adapting their communication to you so you can understand it. Now, I know you can help them by saying, what the bloody hell do you mean? Can you explain it in a different way? That'd be a better way.

I'm not getting this. Can you explain it in a different way for me? Little things like that. So this is the musing.

Are there instances that you've had in the recent past where you've tried to explain something and it didn't go in the way you wanted it? The musing is, how can I change what I said to allow that message to be received in the way I intended it to be? That's one way. Or is there something that when I was listening to somebody else that I didn't get, how could I have responded in a way that would get them to understand that they're doing it in a way that is not working? They have to change their communication in order for me to understand. It's not my responsibility to understand.

I just got to get it. And when we learn those things and muse about them, the next time it happens, you say, am I explaining this properly? Am I explaining this in a way that you understand it? I'm getting the feeling that you're not getting what I want, what I'm trying to put over. Okay, let me put it in another way.

Or I'm really interested in the subject, but I don't quite get the words you're using. Can you use them in my language so I can get it? And when you get those type of things in your musings, next time, because you can imagine it happening, next time you start to learn better. Because then you get to learn how to converse with people, communicate with people, because you're getting the response you aim for.

Or you're learning from other people. I mean, one little side thing. People in NLP use some bloody weird words.

And the most confusing thing is when you're reading one of their books, and you have to keep looking up the words. Damn, that just destroys everything, doesn't it? It comes so hard to do. It's an effort.

You have to put energy in trying to not understand the concept, but understand the bloody words they're using. And it's gone. You're off with the fairies.

You're dreaming of something else. I'm in my head thinking, la la la la la. And that's not the intention that they wanted, or the thing that they wanted.

And ideally, they could have something that you could learn from and use in the future. So somebody muses over your coffee. These assumptions, useful assumptions, the meaning of communication, the response is the response it gets.

That's so useful. Instead of just moaning about other people, no, they just don't get it. Oh, I must be so stupid because I didn't get it.

No. Have a think. Muse over your coffee.

You know what I'm going to say next. Over your G&T. There's the other one.

The iced vodka. Oh my goodness. Sit back, chill.

That's the way I do it. But you might be a glass of water person. It doesn't matter.

But when you've got a few minutes in the day just to take a breath, take a pause, because that always works, to and here's something you can do while you're pausing. To recalibrate, to just get yourself in in the next wonderful state. And you learn on the way.

So we're using musings to learn. That's what the five-minute quick is about. I hope I made, I made it.

I hope my communication got the response that I was wanting for you to get maybe curious of how you can change the way you speak and notice when you're not being understood or being or understanding. If you would, that'd be great. Let me know.

Let me know if I did. Feedback at personaldevelopmentunplugged.com. That's my email. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this.

You know, do you think they're bloody, these are useful assumptions are absolutely rubbish or what more have you got, Cloughie? Because there are more. And yeah, I just love your feedback of how this is going and if there's anything else you want. So if you could do that and oh, by the way, press subscribe, press follow, all those things.

And baby, now this is, I want to be really clear now. Have you shared? Shared this, this podcast? There you go. Something to muse even more.

Have fun. Have fun, my friend. See you soon.

So before you leave this unplugged mind of mine, this hypnotic mind, if you enjoyed this podcast or any of the other podcasts, please do subscribe. It helps this podcast grow and affect so many more people. And we love to leave everyone in a better place than we found them.

And this will help help the podcast. It will help you and it everyone that you know. So if you could just subscribe and share, share this podcast to everyone you know.

That's the only cost. Pay it forward to everyone. And when you do that, boom, we are all going to make a difference to this little old planet Earth of ours and the people in it.

Let's make a good world, a nice world. Okay. Okay.

You can now prepare to leave this unplugged mind. Warning. You are now leaving the unplugged mind of Paul Clough.

It's time to fly now. Be brave, my friend. Personal development unplugged.

Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai.

Personal development [Unplugged] [podcast][NLP][Hypnosis][self development]self improvement][awareness]