How To Fail At Almost Everything And Still Win Big: Kind Of The Story Of My Life By Scott Adams *Patron's Choice*

1:37:14

Chris was called away on a years-long shipping voyage by a conniving relative, so he can’t be with us today. In his stead, Mary returns! You may remember her from such episodes as this past October’s The Phantom of Manhattan , 2021's Die Hamletmachine , and our now beloved E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial in His Adventure on Earth episode from 2023. We discuss our experience reading Fanny Hill by John Cleland, originally published in 1748 and since routinely banned as the first known published English-language erotica. Mary found a copy of this in a little free library years ago and since then, it has taken up permanent residence in her mind and she has talked about it off and on. I figured it’d be a fun one for the show since we, somehow, have yet to feature 18th century erotica on TBC. In addition to our usual barnyard language, today’s episode includes coerced/trafficked sex work, graphic sex, and sexual assaults as this book is mid-18th century pornography. Links & References: Fanny Hill in Bombay: The Making & Unmaking of John Cleland by Hal Gladfelder Pamela: Or, Virtue Rewarded by Samuel Richardson Joseph Andrews and Shamela by Henry Fielding Clarissa: Or the History of a Young Lady by Samuel Richardson The Mill on the Floss by George Eliot Justine, or The Misfortunes of Virtue by Marquis de Sade Juliette by Marquis de Sade…

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The You You Are: A Spiritual Biography of You by Dr. Ricken Lazlo Hale, PhD (the book from the AppleTV Show Severance) - Episode 218 1:25:02

20 days ago1:25:02

1:25:02

We revert to our previous format this week with both Chris and Paris reviewing today's book. The You You Are: A Spiritual Biography of You was published in the last week of January of 2025 by Apple Books and immediately caught our attention since Paris has been obsessed with Severance since it debuted and Chris was recruited into the madness this year. We thought it would be fun to check out a prop from a TV show that had become a real book. Listen as we do Ricken's self-help exercises and become severed in real-time! If you are trying to keep yourself completely pure before watching Severance, there are some mild Severance spoilers from early in Season 1 between 1:12:00 - 1:15:45 Links & References The You You Are: A Spiritual Biography of You by Dr. Ricken Lazlo Hale, PhD Dr. Dolly Chugh: How to let go of being a "good" person — and become a better person…

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Who Killed the Fonz? By James Boice Patron’s Choice - Episode 217 58:08

5 weeks ago58:08

58:08

This week, Paris turns up the Perturbator records, dons some aviators and a trenchcoat, and heads out into the rainy nights of 1980s Milwaukee to help our Patron Fred. Fred wrote to us saying, “ ...the sheer notion of a murder mystery with Happy Days characters that is apparently officially sanctioned by whoever owns the rights is enough to give me pause. I can’t even find any information about why th[is] book was made and I just end up asking myself, “ Who is this for? ” because while I don’t doubt that Happy Days still has a large fan base, I don’t think many people would want to read a book about how one of the best characters on the show gets murdered. ” We hope you enjoy this episode, Fred! Thank you so much for supporting TBC. Remember that if you, too, would like to have us read and review a book of your choice on the show, you can gain that power by joining our Patreon at the appropriate tier. Today’s episode includes our usual barnyard language in addition to infidelity, kidnapping, murder, and one brief moment of drug use. Additional Links: Interview with James Boice (2011) Interview with James Boice about his writing of Who Killed the Fonz? (2019)…

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In The Ravenous Dark by A.M. Strickland Patron’s Choice - Episode 216 1:26:17

7 weeks ago1:26:17

1:26:17

Chris has to travel to another reality again today - this time, it's a Grecian fantasy world that isn't actually Greek! Speaking of Greece, thank you to The Metal Classicist Dr. Jeremy Swist for pronunciation help on today's episode. Our Patron Austin sent Chris on this voyage through the world of In the Ravenous Dark by A.M. Strickland for his Patron's Choice this year saying this was, "...a book about a girlfailure who ends up step-cousins to the royal family, all of which become inexplicably interested in either becoming her friend, fucking her, or both. Some highlights includ[e] a first chapter that involves fucking on top of a two story gazeebo, an island of vaguely celtic wizards who all have anime hair and eyes, a love interest who does that scene with JOI and the prostitute in Blade Runner 2049, and distracting your ghost bodyguard by almost flashing your tits at him." We hope you enjoy the episode, Austin! Thank you for your longtime support of TBC. Remember that if you, too, would like to have us read and review a book of your choice on the show, you can gain that power by joining our Patreon at the appropriate tier. Today’s episode includes our usual barnyard language in addition to discussion or mention of blood, corpses, death/dying, necromancy, and sex .…

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A Live Reading of The Horse of the Invisible from Carnacki, the Ghost Finder by William Hope Hodgson Special Guests D & Ken of Antiques Freaks - Episode 215 1:19:04

9 weeks ago1:19:04

1:19:04

Nearly 5 years ago to the day, we reviewed The Horse of the Invisible with our very best podfriends the Antiques Freaks . Years later, we realized that we had never actually read the story aloud as we had promised you, as we've done with all the other Carnacki stories. Once again, we were wrong - there is yet one more 'nack to Carn, so the Terrible Antique Book Freaks assembled anew! Dust off your Carnacki Bingo cards and enjoy a second round of the gobble-neighing contest, all set to the impeccable scoring and SFX talents of Chris ( Oselka Sound ). If you haven't had enough invisible horse after you listen to this episode, you can also hear our review of the story from April of 2020 in Episode 83 - The Horse of the Invisible from Carnacki, the Ghost Finder by William Hope Hodgson *Special Guests D & Ken from Antiques Freaks*…

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The Devil in the White City: Murder, Magic, and Madness at the Fair that Changed America by Erik Larson - Episode 214 2:16:29

11 weeks ago2:16:29

2:16:29

The Devil in the White City: Murder, Magic, and Madness at the Fair that Changed America by Erik Larson has been floating around in the American pop cultural stew for the last 22 years. Paris had always been interested in reading it, so when it happened to be in a pile of books some friends were giving away, she heeded the call of our dark lord and tossed it on the schedule for 2025. Get on your fancy new bicycles, affix a lightbulb to the front, grab a can of PBR, and somehow also balance a bowl of Shredded Wheat while you're at it for a wild journey from the 1880s through the early 20th century. Paris leads us through Larson's dual accounts of the 1893 Chicago World's Fair and its Director of Work, Daniel Hudson Burnham, alongside the Chicago years of "America's first serial killer", H.H. Holmes (Herman Webster Mudgett). If you think you know the Holmes story because you already read this book or saw some TV dramatization - you don't. Together, we'll discover that misinformation and disinformation have suffused this story for 120 years (and counting)! Thanks to Ken from the Antiques Freaks for helping me down the research rabbit hole & to Adam Selzer for a stellar book, without which much of our disappointment in and suspicions of Larson's tale would not have been justified and relieved. In addition to our usual barnyard language, today’s episode includes swindling/fraud, infidelity, sexism, racism, and murder. Links & References: H.H. Holmes: The History of the White City Devil by Adam Selzer…

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Black Moon Rising by Frankie Rose (Callie Hart) Patron's Choice - Episode 213 1:57:31

13 weeks ago1:57:31

1:57:31

Chris had to go to space again this week. This time, he takes us to a galaxy kinda far away and sort of a while ago (or maybe now? or in the future?) because our Patron Miles requested Black Moon Rising for his Patron's Choice this year. Miles wrote to us saying, "Since I requested two books in a row that were both deeply political, I figured I'd instead give you guys something lighter: published Star Wars fanfiction. The book I'm referring to is Black Moon Rising by Frankie Rose and Callie Hart...to give you an idea of how egregious it is, it starts with a prologue that feels designed to be turned into a Star Wars text crawl. It then jumps directly to [the protagonist] who[se] name is literally Reyza, having a graphic sex dream involving the main antagonist, Jass Baylar." We hope you enjoy the episode, Miles! Thank you for your support for TBC throughout the vast spacetime continuum. Remember that if you, too, would like to have us read and review a book of your choice on the show, you can gain that power by joining our Patreon at the appropriate tier. Today’s episode includes our usual barnyard language plus some sexual content, Star Wars violence, and weaponry. Links & References: Other commentary on this book: Jenny Nicholson: This is DEFINITELY not a published Reylo fanfic novel…

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Rabid Heart by Jeremy Wagner - Episode 212 1:17:51

15 weeks ago1:17:51

1:17:51

Somehow we ended up with another zombie romance around Valentine’s Day for the second year in a row. Paris chose Rabid Heart for this season after her partner randomly turned to her one day last year and said, “ Hey did you realize Jeremy Wagner from Broken Hope is an author? ” This piqued her interest since she fondly remembers being at Broken Hope’s comeback show at Maryland Death Fest 13 years ago. It’s not usually her type of death metal, but something about that show was extra fun and every now and then when she's feeling ignorant and wants some dumb slammy shit, she may put on Grotesque Blessings . When reading for TBC that’s kind of peak “I am feeling dumb and also full of rage”, so she listened to a lot of Broken Hope while reading this. Wagner sure has a theme and he’s sticking to it! In addition to our usual barnyard language, today’s episode includes gore, guns, kidnapping, sexual assault, general violence, weapons, and - of course - zombies. Have you listened to a brutal slam record recently? It’s that. Links & References: The publisher's website: Riverdale Avenue Books Jeremy Wagner's band: https://brokenhope.com/ Metal Archives - Broken Hope…

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Lunar Justice by Charles L. Harness Patron's Choice - Episode 211 1:27:37

17 weeks ago1:27:37

1:27:37

Our Patron Beastwiththeleast sent us Lunar Justice through the mail, presumably straight from his colony on the moon. This may be our favorite way of receiving Patron requests. Join us today for a very 1990s version of the future, including judicial malfeasance, musical patents, jurisdictional insanity, and guillotines - in space! We hope you enjoy the episode, Beastwiththeleast. Thank you for your steadfast support (and for sending us this book)! Remember that if you, too, would like to have us read and review a book of your choice on the show, you can gain that power by joining our Patreon at the appropriate tier. Today’s episode just includes our usual barnyard language. Links & References: Turning Jupiter into a Red Dwarf/Second Star: What would the effects be if Jupiter was turned into a star? Physics Stack Exchange: Could Jupiter become a star? Science Focus: Could Jupiter become a star? Podcast Episode Recommendation: The Emerald - Your Consciousness Comes from the Moon .…

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Elsie's Girlhood (Elsie Dinsmore #3) by Martha Finley - Episode 210 1:18:50

19 weeks ago1:18:50

1:18:50

Paris tackles today's selection, which was suggested by listener Deborah, self-proclaimed Unrepentant Sinner! She wrote in to us last summer saying, " Would you consider an episode on a book popular in another era but one that is actually currently being sold to indoctrinate the home school religious zealots? Elsie Dinsmore was popular after the Civil War. I first read a copy that was my mother’s or grandmother’s. Elsie is this smarmy goody-goody who is despised by her daddy and the aunt, uncle, and cousins she lives with for being such a devout Christian...I have abhorred this book since I first read it but I so enjoy tearing it apart. The fact that people still buy it is so disturbing!” We had never heard of this series before so we were excited to add it to the schedule as it was a different terrible flavor for us - Victorian Christian child lit. Thanks so much, Deborah! We hope you enjoy the episode. Musings and derailments in this episode include: Gentle Giant - I Lost My Head (Live, 1976) In addition to our usual barnyard language, today’s episode includes discussion or mention of ableism, grooming, parental abuse, racism, slavery, and Victorian-flavored Christianity. Mmm - lead!…

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Maradonia and the Guardians of the Portal by Sofia Nova/Gloria Tesch - Episode 209 1:36:05

21 weeks ago1:36:05

1:36:05

Happy (?) new year, listeners. We discuss Chris's journey through the latest Maradonia book that reboots the series entirely, proving that we are all caught in this loop together within the worst timeline. Although not strictly necessary, we recommend listening to the other Maradonia episodes in the following order: Maradonia and the Seven Bridges (Book 1 of the Maradonia Saga/Series) by Gloria Tesch - Episode 11 (2015) Maradonia and the Escape from the Underworld (Book 2 of the Maradonia Saga/Series) by Gloria Tesch - Episode 62 (2019) Maradonia and the Gold of Ophir (Book 3 of the Maradonia Saga/Series) by Gloria Tesch *Patron's Choice* - Episode 63 (2019) The Secret of Moon Lake by Sofia Nova (Gloria Tesch) *Patron’s Choice* - Episode 86 (2020) Maradonia and the Law of Blood (Book 4 of the Maradonia Saga/Series) by Gloria Tesch *Patron's Choice* - Episode 87 (2020) Today’s episode just includes our usual barnyard language.…

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Luna's Edge by Roxana Macias - Episode 208 1:52:02

23 weeks ago1:52:02

1:52:02

It's the final episode of Season 9! Luna's Edge was self-published in June of 2024 by author Roxana Macias. Just like our last episode, this author contacted us and asked us to read their book. While we normally don't take authors up on these offers, the book was described as a bilingual sci-fi novel which sounded like a new and potentially fun concept for us. While we thought the bilingual aspect was squandered and this was more draft than final manuscript, this concept could work with a more narrow focus, deeper emotional nuance, and a second editor. Thanks to Roxana for giving us a free review copy of the book (and for welcoming a potential skewering)! If you've got young ones at home, perhaps check out her newest bilingual children's book, Butter & Cinnamon/ Mantequilla y Canela: A Christmas Story/ Un Cuento de Navidad Musings and derailments in this episode include: Terrifying university degrees, Lu Elizondo & disclosure, and The Emerald: So You Want to Be a Sorcerer in the Age of Mythic Powers… (The AI Episode) . Happy New Year, folks! May 2025 be full of great books and good times. For us, 2025 will mean a decade of terrible books and a new format for the show as previewed in our 200th Episode Twitch Livestream Extravaganza. In addition to our usual barnyard language, today’s episode includes discussion or mention of aliens, guns, action-movie level violence, eugenics, and miscarriage.…

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The Good King by George WB Scott - Episode 207 1:37:00

25 weeks ago1:37:00

1:37:00

Hail and well met, book friends! We're feeling pretty silly as we close in on the final episodes of Season 9. We travel back to 10th century Bohemia to learn the story behind the popular Christmas carol "Good King Wenceslas". Join us for a very biblically-styled tale that taught us some things but failed to get us invested in the characters. The author emailed us about his book and, usually when we get emails from authors or PR reps, it's not even worth consideration - but a medieval historical thriller? about a Christmas carol? In this century at this point in history? At this time of year? It only made sense to pop it onto the schedule for December. Thanks to George himself for furnishing us with a free review copy of the book (and being willing to be featured on TBC with all that may entail)! Musings and derailments include: Duke Abe Simpsovclav of Springfieldia, heavy metal months, Breastfeeding education, Paris’s Babadook terrors, and we struggle to poorly sing another song from the book (the titular carol)! In addition to our usual barnyard language, today’s episode includes discussion or mention of parental abuse, sexual assault, and murder.…

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The Wife App by Carolyn Mackler - Episode 206 1:25:38

27 weeks ago1:25:38

1:25:38

Chris found The Wife App by Carolyn Mackler out in the wild at a bookstore in NH when he was on a trip earlier this year. Considering apps themselves are often terrible, a book about an app seemed like a good candidate for the show. Musings and derailments include: Chris gets really upset about the recurring stereotype of shitty musician boyfriends/husbands and we wonder about several things in the text such as British chins, sending cookies in Ubers, the power of polka dots, and babies smelling like fresh bread. In addition to our usual barnyard language, today’s episode includes discussion or mention of infidelity, closeting, and the horrors of capitalism in app form.…

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Verity by Colleen Hoover - Episode 205 1:56:25

29 weeks ago1:56:25