Episode 611: ForkLyft

Idiots On Parade, the Too Ugly for TV Podcast

00:00 Introductions

01:03 Plane Crash

03:42 DEI

09:39 Harvey Weinstein

11:03 Chinese Incels

16:01 Dank Demoss

19:15 Anti-Abortion States

21:12 Tariffs

—The crash of American Airlines Flight 5342 is a tragedy. There’s no other way to describe it.

Families are devastated, and will forever be changed.

So, naturally, the media is trying to cash in any way they can.

Clickbait headlines are generally awful, but when they’re used to take advantage of something this horrific, it makes people want to believe in hell, that the “reporters” might burn their for their sins.

Gibson Johns—if that’s a real person an not a handle given to an article written by AI—and E! News (which should be in quote, “News”) cashed in my offering a scary headline about a chilling photo by one of the victims of the crash, a teenage boy who will be missed by his parents for the rest of their lives.

It’s disgusting, and Jake has special words regarding the “reporters” who seek out families after a tragedy.

—Speaking of cashing in on a tragedy, Donald Trump once again showed his complete inability to lead with grace, or compassion, turning an awful situation into an opportunity to rally his political base using anger, an ignorance.

Blaming the crash on DEI right out of the gate was a bold move, but red meat the dumbest of the dumb could lap up like the dogs they are.

In an interesting twist, however, he threw “dwarfism” into the mix as one of the reasons the plane crash happened.

Interesting.

—A couple episodes back, Jake said Harvey got out of jail.

nathan was dumbfounded, “How did I miss that?!?”
Turns out, nathan missed nothing!
Harvey is still locked up in Rikers Island, just like he deserves to be.

—Oh, China…

You best America in so many ways—bullet trains, airports, education… and now, INCELS.

Yes, while our INCELS go on rampages, and hurt people, yours go look at panda bears.

Dammit, China.

Stop being better than us.

—Dank Demoss is rapper who hates several things: salads, walking, and reality.

Dank weighs 489 pounds, and thinks that if she orders a Lyft, she should be able to get into whatever arrives, be it a Honda Civic, or a Mini Cooper.

When her ride arrived, the driver took one look at her and said, “Nope. My shocks and tires can’t take that kind of abuse,” and locked her out.

Naturally, this caused Dank to have a “come to Jesus” moment, where she turned her life around, began eating right, and exercising.

Of COURSE I’m kidding.

She’s suing Lyft, because personal responsibility doesn’t exist.

—Is an exodus taking place from states with impossibly restrictive bans on women’s health? The Los Angeles times thinks so.

Why?

Because speculation, that’s why.

In an article heavy on thoughts and light on facts, it is opined that a less than 1% population departure from states more interested in fairy tales than medicine, means it’s got to be because of a political wedge issue.

Great job, Los Angeles Times.

Way to waste column space.

—Well, things are gonna get interesting.

Despite anyone and everyone with an IQ above that of your average turnip understanding that tariffs make things more expensive for the consumers of the country applying said tariffs, Donald Trump announced 25% additions to Mexican and Canadian goods, and 10% on Chinese imports.

What was the immediate reaction?

Trillion-dollar hedge funds started taking out massive shorts on the American Economy.

In 2008, a few wise men beat the crap out of the banks and made hundreds and hundreds of millions of dollars off their stupidity.

Now, the American people will lose, and rich look to get richer.

Yay.

Idiots on Parade: we mock the news, so you don’t have to.

Tune in and get your giggle on.

Find Jake at @jakevevera

Find nathan at nathantimmel.com