When Love Isn’t Enough: Amy VanTine on Parenting Through RAD

20 THINGS ADOPTION PODCAST with Sherrie Eldridge

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In this deeply moving episode, Sherrie Eldridge welcomes Amy Vantine, a mother, educator, and co-founder of RAD Advocates, to share her harrowing and inspiring journey of parenting a child with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). From her early dreams of motherhood to the trauma, confusion, and eventual heartbreak of dissolving an adoption, Amy opens up about the realities few talk about—and the healing mission she’s now embraced to support other families walking a similar path.

Key Takeaways:

• Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) Is Often Misunderstood: Children with RAD may appear well-behaved in public or clinical settings but exhibit severe behavioral challenges at home, leading to parental confusion and blame.
• Love Alone Isn’t Always Enough: Amy shared that her nurturing and affection, while well-intentioned, often triggered her daughter’s trauma response instead of helping, highlighting the unique complexities of RAD.
• Caregivers Are Frequently Unsupported—and Blamed: Many parents of children with RAD are dismissed or seen as the problem by professionals, intensifying their isolation and mental health strain.
• Parenting Children with RAD Can Severely Impact the Entire Family: Amy candidly described the toll on her marriage, her other children, and her own mental health, including PTSD, due to constant hypervigilance and emotional trauma.
• There’s No One-Size-Fits-All Therapy: Despite trying every recommended therapy and intervention, Amy found that conventional approaches failed, often making things worse rather than better.
• RAD Advocates Was Born Out of Necessity: Amy co-founded RAD Advocates to fill a critical gap, offering tailored support to families, educating professionals, and advocating for systemic change.
• It’s Okay to Make Hard Decisions: Ultimately, Amy made the painful decision to dissolve the adoption to protect her daughter, her family, and herself—a choice many struggle to understand or talk about.
• Empowering Parents Is Key to Helping Children: RAD Advocates focuses on parent well-being first, believing that healthy, informed caregivers are the foundation for better outcomes.

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