Why Can’t I Change, Even When I Know What’s Wrong?

Dear Dr. Tracy

In this solo episode, Clinical Psychologist and Relationship Expert Dr. Tracy Dalgleish explores a common but painful experience in relationships: knowing what your partner needs, wanting to show up differently, and still defaulting to old, self-protective patterns.

If you’ve ever said, “I love my partner, but I keep shutting down,” or “I know I’m hurting them, but I don’t know how to stop,” this episode is for you.
Dr. Tracy shares a relatable story from her own marriage, explains how nervous system responses and attachment styles like avoidant and anxious-avoidant can override our intentions, and helps you understand why awareness isn’t always enough to create change.

In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why you might choose safety over connection in moments that matter
- How avoidant and anxious attachment styles influence relationship behavior
- What it means to act from a coping mechanism that no longer fits
- How to move from autopilot to conscious connection
- Five practical steps to begin shifting your patterns today
- Why emotional regulation, repair, and self-compassion are key to long-term change

Whether you're in the roommate phase, stuck in emotional disconnection, or trying to be more present in your relationship, this episode offers honest insights and real tools for growth.

RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

Join my relationship program, Be Connected, and feel more like a team and close again. Learn more here

Podcast Episode: Understanding Your Attachment Style to Help Strengthen Your Relationship. Listen here

Identify the stories you tell yourself in your relationship. Download here

RESOURCES:

Want your questions answered on the show? ⁠⁠Submit them here!⁠⁠

Discover your relationship negative cycle with my free quiz: ⁠⁠Take it here⁠⁠

Ready to deepen your connection? ⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠

Build better connection and feel close starting today. Join the ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠

Heal old wounds and build healthy interdependence with my book “I Didn’t Sign Up for This” - order ⁠⁠here! ⁠⁠

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