Ep 134: What If You're Wrong About Your Relationship? with Rachel Elder

Things You Learn in Therapy

Send us a text

What if the way you've always approached relationships is fundamentally limiting your capacity for true connection? In this eye-opening conversation, psychologist, Dr. Beth Trammell, and licensed mental health counselor, Rachel Elder, challenge conventional wisdom about attachment, offering hope for even the most disconnected couples.
Elder, who specializes in relationship therapy through her practice Connected Couples Counseling, introduces a revolutionary framework that helps partners rewire their attachment styles from insecure to secure. She dismantles the common misconception that simply being together equals emotional connection, explaining that many couples "divide and conquer" their emotional experiences – turning to friends for some support, family for other needs, and leaving only certain aspects of themselves visible to their partners.
"I'm not dividing and conquering my emotional lived experience with my partner," Elder explains, offering a powerful alternative to the compartmentalized approach many of us unconsciously adopt. This profound shift requires both compassion for how we developed protective patterns and accountability to change them, creating relationships where partners truly feel safe, seen, and securely connected.
What sets this approach apart is its intensity and commitment to transformation. Unlike therapy models that simply validate relationship struggles, Elder's work challenges couples to immerse themselves in rewiring their connection through consistent, intentional practice. "We do two-hour sessions each week, and between sessions, you're doing three to five hours of rewiring with your partner," she shares, comparing the process to learning a new language through immersion.
The most liberating question throughout this journey? "What if you're wrong?" What if you're wrong that your relationship can't change, that you can't trust deeply, that emotional vulnerability isn't possible for you? This simple yet profound invitation to question our certainties opens the door to extraordinary growth and connection.
Ready to stop settling for a relationship that merely functions and create one that truly thrives? Listen now and discover how neuroplasticity can transform your capacity for love and connection.

Find more about Rachel at https://www.rachel-elder.com/

This podcast is meant to be a resource for the general public, as well as fellow therapists/psychologists. It is NOT meant to replace the meaningful work of individual or family therapy. Please seek professional help in your area if you are struggling. #breakthestigma #makewordsmatter #thingsyoulearnintherapy #thingsyoulearnintherapypodcast

If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health concerns, please contact 988 or seek a treatment provider in your area.

If you are a therapist or psychologist and want to be a guest on the show, please complete this form to apply: https://forms.gle/ooy8QirpgL2JSLhP6

Feel free to share your thoughts at www.makewordsmatterforgood.com or email me at [email protected]

Support the show

www.bethtrammell.com

Chapters

1. Introduction to Secure Attachment (00:00:00)

2. Understanding Emotional Connection vs Proximity (00:04:29)

3. Dividing vs Sharing Emotional Experiences (00:10:06)

4. Compassion Plus Accountability Equals Change (00:17:56)

5. Relationships Take Work, Not Magic (00:24:17)

6. Being the Expert and Challenging Growth (00:31:51)

7. What If You're Wrong? Final Thoughts (00:38:20)