REWIND: Supporting Biological Kids in the Foster Care and Adoption Journey

Foster Parent Well

What happens to the children who were already in the home when foster kids arrive? Daniela Coats offers a perspective rarely heard in foster care conversations- that of the birth child.
Growing up as the oldest of three biological siblings in a family that began fostering when she was seven, Daniela experienced firsthand the complex emotions that come with sharing your parents, your space, and your family identity. From the jealousy she felt when a foster child called her father "Dad" after just meeting him to the invisibility she experienced as relatives and community members focused exclusively on the new additions to her family, her story illuminates the hidden challenges birth children often face.
Now a licensed social worker, adoptive mother of four, and founder of With Siblings, Daniela brings professional insight alongside personal experience. She challenges common assumptions about birth order and instead focuses on how roles shift within families with each placement- like a mobile that must find a new balance when pieces are added or removed.
For parents navigating this delicate balance, Daniela offers practical wisdom through her "three Rs" approach after placements end: rest to recover from the accelerated pace of life with foster children, reconnect through intentional one-on-one time with birth children, and reassess as a family whether and how to continue the fostering journey. Her children's book "The Day Lily Turned Uninvisible" further explores these themes through the eyes of a child.
Whether you're currently fostering, considering opening your home, or supporting someone who is, this conversation provides essential perspective on creating a family system where every child – both those who arrive and those who were already there- feels seen, valued, and understood. Because when we support the entire family, everyone thrives.

Daniela's Social Media:

Instagram - @with_siblings and @daniela.coats

Facebook - facebook.com/withsiblingsTX

Book: https://a.co/d/5F68Vso

I'd love to hear from you! Send me a text!

Connect with me on Instagram: @Fosterparentwell
@nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/
Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/

Chapters

1. Summer Rewind Introduction (00:00:00)

2. Meet Daniela: From Birth Child to Therapist (00:01:23)

3. Growing Up in a Foster Family (00:05:11)

4. Feeling Invisible: Birth Children's Challenges (00:14:56)

5. How Parents Can Support Birth Children (00:20:40)

6. New Book: The Day Lily Turned Uninvisible (00:27:54)

7. Prayer and Closing (00:38:24)