Board meeting. They want us to host kids ministry conference. I'm sitting there like what? Our ministry barely functions on good days and you want me to invite people watch this mess? Plus feed everyone coordinate speakers without giving anyone food poisoning? Pastor does puppy dog eyes. Course he does. Goodbye sleep. Learned more about conference …

Linda quit today. Walked in sat down said I'm done. Linda who saves my butt every week. Shows up early organizes everything. Gets kids to listen when they should be bouncing off walls. Asked why. "Feel like furniture. Nobody really sees me." Been staring at computer for hour trying to figure out how I screwed this up so bad. Tonight we're talking a…

It's 4 AM and I'm sitting in my bathtub fully clothed eating animal crackers because I accidentally taught kids that God runs elimination tournaments. Made Noah's flood into dodgeball yesterday. Now Marcus is asking his mom if God gets bored and starts target practice on neighborhoods with tornadoes. Thought I was revolutionizing Sunday school with…

Still pulling burrs out my socks from Saturday's church picnic. That perfect field I picked? Basically a weed preserve with hidden holes waiting to destroy ankles. But kids loved it. Even when half my planned activities turned into something totally different because of wind and that one kid who breaks everything no matter what. Planned three-legge…

Easter egg hunt last year was like watching world end. Kids stampeding everywhere. Big ones stepping on babies. Parents losing their minds at me because their precious child only found three eggs. Standing there thinking Jesus didn't come back from dead for this nonsense. Had no plan at all. Just threw eggs on grass and figured it would work out so…

Nice lady walks up after service. Wants to help with kids ministry. Great right? "What would I be doing exactly?" she asks. I'm standing there making weird hand gestures going "You know just... helping. With the kids. During the thing." The thing. I called our entire ministry "the thing." She smiled and said she'd think about it. Week later still t…

I'm eating discount Easter chocolate in my car at 5 AM because yesterday I accidentally turned the crucifixion into a Playmobil drama and now Tyler's asking his grandma if Jesus knew he was gonna become a toy. Security guard already checked on my mental state. Started explaining how eight-year-olds directed a stop-motion resurrection with superhero…

Tyler and Mason fighting over shepherd staff again. Course they are. These two compete over who breathes more oxygen probably. I grab the thing away from both of them. Nobody gets to be shepherd until you figure out how to work together for five minutes. They look at me like I asked them to solve calculus. Work together? What's that mean? Hit me ri…

Pastor cuts our events budget seventy percent. Just like that. I'm sitting there thinking great now we're the church with stale goldfish crackers while everyone else has actual entertainment. But then Sarah mentions that dumb movie night we did with bedsheets and kids are still obsessing about it months later. Fifteen bucks total and they act like …

So Sarah walks in Sunday morning and kids basically tackle her. Like actual squealing and running. Tom's been helping just as long and kids barely look up from their coloring. What's that about? I started watching these two because it was driving me nuts. Same training. Same time commitment supposedly. But Sarah's like kid whisperer and Tom's just.…

I'm sitting in my car after church frantically googling "Bible stories for kids" because Sarah's mom just ambushed me in the hallway. She wants to know which stories her seven-year-old should really know and I'm standing there like an idiot going "Uh... Noah?" Eight years I've been doing this. You'd think I'd have a better answer than that. But it …

I'm trying to teach creation and the kids look like I'm reading tax forms in Swahili. Marcus is examining his shoelaces like they hold secrets of universe. Emma's doing advanced hair styling. Tyler's making faces at the ceiling fan. So I stop mid-sentence and go you know what let's just make a volcano. Boom. Every head snaps up. Can we really blow …

VBS last summer. Total disaster. No craft supplies. Sound system screaming like dying cat. Half my volunteers have plague. Two kids lost their parents. Some kid barfed on the snacks. I'm standing there like this is fine everything's totally fine while my brain's melting down. Then Sarah walks over and says you look like you're about to lose it. Wha…

Sarah asks me if she can move a chair. A chair. Like I'm gonna fire her for unauthorized furniture relocation. She's been with us two years. Kids love her. Parents love her. I love her. But she won't do anything without checking with me first. And I'm standing there thinking what did I do to this poor woman? Oh right. I never let her actually decid…

So this hideous orange puppet's been gathering dust in our supply closet forever. I mean ugly. Like someone's craft project went horribly wrong. Always figured puppets were for people who couldn't teach properly. Last week I'm dying up there trying to get kids to care about honesty. Complete silence. One kid's literally asleep. Out of sheer panic I…

So there I was, watching two kids have a complete meltdown over who gets to hold the balloon. Like, actual tears over balloon custody rights. And I'm thinking great, this teamwork thing is going super well. But then something clicked and they figured it out. Started working together like they'd been best friends forever. One minute they're enemies,…

So I'm sitting in this planning meeting and someone goes "We should do game night for families!" Everyone's nodding like it's brilliant, and I'm thinking oh great, another event nobody will show up to. Then I realized families actually want to hang out together - they just need someone to make it happen. Today we're talking about how to plan a kids…

Mark starts helping with our 5th graders last month. Really nice guy, wants to help. So I hand him this fifteen-page packet - volunteer handbook, safety policies, behavior management, curriculum overview, emergency procedures, everything. Next week he shows up looking like I hit him with a truck. Admits he didn't read most of it because it was too …

Had this lesson last month I thought was gonna be amazing. Spent forever planning it - good story, clear points, everything organized perfectly. Kids just sat there staring at me like I was speaking ancient Greek. One kid asked if we were done yet after maybe three minutes. Today we're talking about getting kids actually involved instead of making …

Need kids to be quiet sometimes. After games, before parents pick up, when someone's having a meltdown and needs space, rainy days when we're all stuck inside going slowly insane. Problem is telling kids "sit quietly" doesn't actually work. They don't know what to do with themselves, start poking each other, and drive everyone crazy including me. T…

It's July and I'm already stressing about back-to-school stuff. Kids disappear for three months then suddenly they're all taller, forgot everyone's names, and act like they've never seen our building before. Last year was a disaster. Thought I'd just jump back into regular programming Labor Day weekend and everything would magically work out. Took …

Cleaning out my phone yesterday and found this text from Jennifer, who used to help with 2nd and 3rd graders. "Hey I don't think I can keep doing this anymore. Just not working out." That was it. Gone. Today we're talking about why good volunteers really quit - from treating them like unpaid employees to only texting when you need something to thro…

Last week during worship time little Emma asks me why we have to sing the same songs every week. And honestly? I didn't have a great answer because I'd never really thought about it. That got me wondering - do kids actually understand what worship means, or do they just think it's the part where we stand up and sing before the real lesson starts? T…

Found myself at Target last Thursday night buying fifty foam fish because I'd seen this "amazing" craft on Pinterest about feeding the 5,000. Looked so simple online - cute little fish with googly eyes that kids could decorate while learning about Jesus providing. What actually happened: thirty minutes of chaos, glue everywhere, foam pieces in the …

Planning VBS last year all by myself. Spent weeks figuring out themes, decorations, activities, snacks, everything. Got to the planning meeting and presented my whole elaborate plan to volunteers. Can see their eyes glazing over as I go through my presentation. Lisa finally goes "Sounds like you got it all figured out. Just tell us what you need us…

Last month I'm sitting in this meeting with other kids ministry leaders and this woman starts talking about her volunteer team. How they hang out outside church, cover for each other without being asked, absorb new people like they've always belonged. I'm thinking... that sounds amazing. And nothing like my volunteers who show up Sunday morning, do…

Our church has maybe thirty kids total on good days. Preschool through middle school, one room, budget that's basically my gas money, and volunteers who show up five minutes before service looking confused. Most curriculum assumes you've got separate classes for every age, professional teachers, and a money tree growing in the back yard. Right. Tod…

Tried regular Bible trivia once. Asked "Who was Moses' brother?" Dead silence. One kid raised his hand and said "Abraham?" That's when I learned that Bible trivia for kids can't just be adult trivia with smaller words and lower expectations. Today we're talking about Bible trivia that actually works when kids need to move around and can't just sit …

We spent $347 on hot dogs for our community cookout. Got the fancy ones, expensive bakery buns, checkered tablecloths like we were hosting a Norman Rockwell painting. Fourteen people showed up, most already church members. Meanwhile the fire station down the street was doing free car seat inspections with cars wrapped around the block. No food, no …

Sarah comes up to me after service Sunday with that look - you know the one where someone's been chewing on something for weeks. "I think I need to take a break." My stomach drops. Sarah IS our 4th and 5th grade group. Kids ask where she is if she's not there. But turns out she feels completely invisible, like just another body filling a ratio requ…

Sunday morning I'm feeling pretty smug about my David and Goliath lesson. Got slides, perfect YouTube video, everything's ready to impress some seven-year-olds with my technological brilliance. Walk into class and the projector is completely dead. Just sitting there mocking me while Tyler asks if we're gonna watch something cool. Today we're talkin…

Raining again this Sunday. Kids trapped inside bouncing off the walls like caffeinated pinballs while I stare at my ruined nature walk plans. Had this whole outdoor thing planned - collecting leaves, talking about God's creation, fresh air fixing everyone's attitudes. Now I'm stuck in the fellowship hall with twenty-three kids going absolutely stir…

By KidsMinistry.Blog

Honestly don't know why anyone trusts me to train volunteers. Half the time I'm figuring it out as I go and praying nobody notices I'm completely winging it. But I've stumbled across some stuff that actually helps people instead of making them more confused or terrified. Today we're talking about volunteer training resources that work in the real w…

My kids know Noah's ark by heart. Also David and Goliath. Asked what they wanted to hear for Sunday school and one kid goes "something where nobody dies and there's no animals." Well then. Time to get creative because apparently we've exhausted the greatest hits. Today we're talking about telling Bible stories in ways that don't make kids' eyes gla…

My living room is ten feet by twelve feet. When my sister brings her three kids plus my two, it's basically a human sardine can where you can't move without stepping on someone's feet or Legos or emotional breakdowns. But kids still need something to do or they'll lose their collective minds and probably destroy what's left of my furniture. Today w…

Our fall festival last year was a complete disaster. Ran out of candy in forty minutes, the cotton candy machine literally exploded, and two volunteers just vanished into thin air. Still don't know where they went - maybe they're hiding somewhere until Halloween passes. This year I'm determined not to repeat that nightmare, which apparently means p…

Had to tell a volunteer last week that kids were scared of her because she yells when they spill juice. She cried, I felt like a monster, but also those kids shouldn't be terrified of snack time. Nobody prepares you for these conversations and they're absolutely the worst part of ministry leadership. Today we're talking about how to have difficult …

Used glitter once for a craft about God's glory. Worst decision of my life. Still finding sparkles three months later in places glitter should never exist, including my sandwich last week. Never. Again. Today we're talking about activities that actually teach Bible stuff without requiring hazmat cleanup afterward - from memory verse body movements …

Pinterest is a liar. Those perfect Sunday school crafts with coordinated colors and museum-quality results? Made by robots or people with supernatural patience because when I try them with actual children, everything becomes a glue-covered disaster zone. But somehow kids keep learning stuff even when our crafts look like they survived an earthquake…

Easter's coming and I'm already panicking because my neighbor's Instagram looks like Martha Stewart exploded while I can't remember if we still have plastic eggs or if the dog ate them all. My kids keep asking what we're doing for Easter and I keep saying "we'll figure it out" which is basically my parenting motto at this point. Today we're talking…

Getting volunteers for kids ministry is like asking people to donate organs. Everyone loves kids until you suggest they spend an hour with twelve of them hopped up on animal crackers and theological questions about whether Jesus liked pizza. I've been trying to staff our children's program for years and discovered that bulletin announcements are ba…

Mason ate a substantial amount of Elmer's glue while I was teaching about Jesus feeding the 5000, then went home and shared half his sandwich with his sister because "Jesus shared food with everyone." I don't understand children, but apparently glue consumption enhances spiritual learning? Three months ago I thought Sunday school would be easy - re…

I volunteered for Sunday school ONE TIME because they were desperate and somehow I'm now the person who shows up every week to manage caffeinated seven-year-olds who think licking walls is a valid activity. Last Sunday my "carefully planned" Daniel lesson lasted exactly four minutes before twenty kids just stared at me with twenty-five minutes left…

Last Christmas I hid in my pantry eating cookie dough at 6pm because my "simple" holiday party had become a complete disaster and my ham was still frozen solid. THE HAM. Who forgets to defrost the main course? Apparently me when I'm trying to hand-fold napkins into swans like some kind of holiday perfectionist. Today we're talking about how to thro…

Sweet new volunteer walks in Sunday morning, eager to help with preschoolers. Five minutes later she's standing in craft chaos looking like she might cry because I never actually told her anything useful. That's when I realized throwing desperate people into the deep end and hoping they figure it out isn't actually a training strategy. It's just cr…

Sunday morning, 7:47 AM, sitting in the church parking lot frantically googling "Jesus feeds 5000 craft ideas" while kids are already walking into the building. This was my weekly routine for two years. Random internet lessons, mismatched coloring pages, prayers that YouTube videos still worked, and explaining why we somehow studied Moses three wee…

"Let's go around and share your name and favorite color!" I said to twenty third-graders who immediately went silent and started examining the carpet like it held the secrets of the universe. That was my first Sunday teaching. I'd googled "icebreaker games" and printed the most generic list ever. Tyler literally crawled under a table. Madison prete…

Ethan called me out in front of everyone. "Didn't we do pirates when I was little?" Yes, Ethan. We did pirates when you were in kindergarten. And first grade. And apparently now in fourth grade because I panic-ordered the same theme again. Never ordering VBS curriculum in March again. Ever. Today we're talking about five fresh VBS themes that won't…

I almost lost my best volunteer because I forgot to say thank you. She'd been showing up for three years straight, dealing with glue explosions and second-grade chaos, and I was too busy recruiting new people to notice she was burning out. Turns out "World's Best Volunteer" mugs don't actually make people feel appreciated. Who knew? Today we're tal…