146. The Velvet Rage

A Jaded Gay

Throughout many episodes, we’ve discussed how gay men continue to grapple with the shame they internalized as children growing up in a predominantly straight society that often invalidated or condemned their identities. This lingering shame can evolve into deep-rooted trauma, affecting their self-worth, relationships, and overall mental well-being.
In this episode, we're exploring the theme of gay identity development from Dr. Alan Downs’ groundbreaking book, The Velvet Rage, and unpacking his three-stage framework for emotional well-being to live more fulfilling lives as proud gay men.

Related Episodes:

• Listen to Episode 01. Hello, Trauma. It's Me, Rob.
• Listen to Episode 13. Perfectly Imperfect: Conquer Your Perfectionism
• Listen to Episode 15. Understanding Attachment Styles
• Listen to Episode 42. Are You Emotionally Unavailable?
• Listen to Episode 47. Say Goodbye to Abandonment Issues
• Listen to Episode 86. Turn Off Your Code-Switching

Additional Resources:

• Read The Velvet Rage
• Authenticity Unmasked: Navigating Mental Health for Gay Men
• Understanding and Addressing Emotional Unavailability in Gay Men: Causes, Signs, and Solutions
• Perfectly Imperfect: Understanding Perfectionism and Its Impact on Gay Men
• Navigating Love with Attachment Styles: Building Healthier Relationships for Gay Men
• Understanding Abandonment Issues in Gay Men: Navigating Fear of Rejection and Building Healthy Relationships

Support the show

Get Your Merch

Chapters

1. Snarky Opener (00:00:00)

2. Episode Introduction (00:00:24)

3. The Velvet Rage (00:01:37)

4. Tarot (00:03:10)

5. Dr. Alan Downs (00:04:27)

6. Gay Shame (00:05:11)

7. The Need for Validation (00:06:55)

8. Overwhelmed by Shame (00:09:50)

9. Compensating for Shame (00:14:23)

10. Cultivating Authenticity (00:19:32)

11. Episode Closing (00:28:59)

12. Connect with A Jaded Gay (00:32:26)

13. Outtake (00:34:13)