Pick Me’s, Queen Bees, and the Patterns That Persist

Advancing Women Podcast

Episode Summary: From middle school cliques to corporate boardrooms, patterns of competition, division, and survival strategies among women persist. Here’s the thing though: this isn’t about a flaw in women; it’s about a flawed system. In this episode of the Advancing Women Podcast, we explore the rise of Queen Bee Syndrome and the "Pick-Me" phenomenon, and what pop culture, psychology, and gender bias research reveal about why these patterns exist, and how we can challenge them.

We dig deep into:

• The cultural roots of Queen Bee and Pick-Me behaviors
• Internalized sexism, patriarchal bargaining, and the male gaze
• The myth of women as each other’s worst enemy
• Strategies to disrupt toxic narratives and build true solidarity

It’s time to move from scarcity to solidarity, from competition to coalition—and rewrite the narrative with the persisterhood at the center.

Key Takeaways:

• “Pick-Me” behavior isn't vanity, it’s often survival in biased systems.
• Queen Bee Syndrome isn't about women being mean, it's about navigating tokenism and structural barriers.
• Internalized sexism and societal “shoulds” fuel division.
• Systemic bias, NOT women, is the root issue.
• Solidarity is the antidote to scarcity.

Call to Action: Let’s stop shaming Queen Bees and Pick-Me girls and start fixing the systems that pit women against each other. Let’s write a new chapter grounded in persisterhood, because together, we rise further.

References

AWP Episode referenced in this episode: Tug of War Bias, Tokenism & Queen Bee Syndrome. https://open.spotify.com/episode/75MiOAvyhFje37sDd9Latc?si=RBUK5seNRUa5-6VOZIW8Yw

Rhimes, S. (Writer), & Corn, R. (Director). (2005, May 22). Losing My Religion (Season 2, Episode 27) [TV series episode]. In S. Rhimes (Executive Producer), Grey’s Anatomy. ABC Studios (This is the episode featuring Meredith Grey’s “Pick me. Choose me. Love me.” Speech).

TikTok. (n.d.). #pickmegirl. Retrieved August 6, 2025, from https://www.tiktok.com/tag/pickmegirl

Brown, A. (2023). The Implications of the Queen Bee Phenomenon in the Workplace. Journal of Organizational Culture Communications and Conflict, 27(1).

Wiseman, R. (2002). Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping your daughter survive cliques, gossip, boyfriends, and the new realities of girl world. Crown Publishing Group.

Rudman LA, Goodwin SA. Gender differences in automatic in-group bias: why do women like women more than men like men? J Pers Soc Psychol. 2023, 87(4):494-509. doi: 10.1037/0022-3514.87.4.494. PMID: 15491274

Rubin, M., Owuamalam, C. K., Spears, R., & Caricati, L. (2023). A social identity model of system attitudes (SIMSA): Multiple explanations of system justification by the disadvantaged that do not depend on a separate system justification motive. European Review of Social Psychology, 34(2), 203–243 https://doi.org/10.1080/10463283.2022.2046422

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