Decoding the 'I Can't vs. I Won't' Paradox in Neurodivergence with Jason & Debbie

Autism & Neurodiversity

#Parenting #Self-Improvement #Aspergers #Autism #Autismspectrumdisorder #Autistic #Highfunctioningautism #Learningdisabilities #Lifecoach #Nvld #Spectrum #Jason & Debbie Grygla #x26; Debbie Grygla #Podcasting Education #ADHD #ASD #Neurodiversity

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Can AI compress the years long research time of a PhD into seconds? Research scientist Max Jaderberg explores how “AI analogs” simulate real-world lab work with staggering speed and scale, unlocking new insights on protein folding and drug discovery. Drawing on his experience working on Isomorphic Labs' and Google DeepMind's AlphaFold 3 — an AI model for predicting the structure of molecules — Jaderberg explains how this new technology frees up researchers' time and resources to better understand the real, messy world and tackle the next frontiers of science, medicine and more. For a chance to give your own TED Talk, fill out the Idea Search Application: ted.com/ideasearch . Interested in learning more about upcoming TED events? Follow these links: TEDNext: ted.com/futureyou TEDAI Vienna: ted.com/ai-vienna Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.…

about a year ago 22:39

MP3•Episode home

Is it that they can’t—or that they won’t?

In this episode, we break down the common struggle of distinguishing between genuine inability and refusal in neurodivergent kids, teens, and young adults. We explore:

• Why challenges can feel insurmountable due to unique brain wiring

• How to avoid power struggles and foster autonomy

• The neural response to perceived difficulty and how it impacts motivation

• The role of resilience and discipline in long-term growth

Understanding this gray area can help you respond with more clarity and support—without getting stuck in frustration.

📩 Want more insights and practical tools? Be sure to join our email list for inspiration and updates.

👉 For deeper support, join our NDM Circle Community at NDM.Circle.so—a space for parents and professionals navigating the complexities of parenting neurodivergent young people.

160 episodes

Decoding the 'I Can't vs. I Won't' Paradox in Neurodivergence with Jason & Debbie

Autism & Neurodiversity

23 subscribers

published about a year ago

MP3•Episode home

Is it that they can’t—or that they won’t?

In this episode, we break down the common struggle of distinguishing between genuine inability and refusal in neurodivergent kids, teens, and young adults. We explore:

• Why challenges can feel insurmountable due to unique brain wiring

• How to avoid power struggles and foster autonomy

• The neural response to perceived difficulty and how it impacts motivation

• The role of resilience and discipline in long-term growth

Understanding this gray area can help you respond with more clarity and support—without getting stuck in frustration.

📩 Want more insights and practical tools? Be sure to join our email list for inspiration and updates.

👉 For deeper support, join our NDM Circle Community at NDM.Circle.so—a space for parents and professionals navigating the complexities of parenting neurodivergent young people.

160 episodes

All episodes

1
The Impact of Helicopter Parenting on Neurodivergent Growth with Jason 16:44

9 days ago16:44

16:44

When your neurodivergent child, teen, or young adult struggles to regulate, follow through, or move forward—what are you supposed to do? Most parents step in (because they have to ). You remind. You coach. You arrange the therapy appointments. You micromanage the hard stuff. Over time, this becomes your default mode . But what happens when the support that once helped… starts holding them back? In this episode, Jason explores how helicopter parenting—often born from love and necessity—can quietly become a roadblock to neurodivergent growth. And more importantly, what to do instead. 🌱 Want help making the leap from helicopter to mentor? Join our NDM Circle Community where you’ll get the tools, live support, and connection you need to raise and mentor neurodivergent children, teens, and young adults with confidence. 👉 Learn more and join us at NDM.Circle.so…

1
They Know What to Do- Why Don’t They Do It? with Debbie 18:07

16 days ago18:07

18:07

If your child “knows what to do” but doesn’t do it, this episode will help you see the deeper story behind that pattern. We’ll break down why “knowing” and “doing” are not the same, especially in a stressed, overwhelmed, or neurodivergent brain. And you’ll start to see how practicing Neuro-Developmental Mentoring can help build the real-life application of those skills with patience and partnership. 🔵 These are the kinds of mentoring shifts we teach inside NDM Circle and go deep into in our July workshop: From Reminders to Responsibility . Learn more or catch the replay at NDM.Circle.so .…

1
The Mental Load No One Talks About: Parenting on Overdrive with Debbie 14:41

23 days ago14:41

14:41

If you’re the one who remembers everything and keeps everyone on track, you’re not alone. And you’re not wrong for stepping in. But if it’s starting to take a toll, this episode will help you understand why and how things can change. We’re talking about the invisible mental load of parenting, and why sharing that load (without dropping it all at once) is a powerful way to build confidence, independence, and connection with your neurodivergent loved one. 🔵 These are the kinds of shifts we walk with parents through every day in NDM Circle, and they’re at the heart of our July 8th workshop, From Reminders to Responsibility . Join us at NDM.Circle.so.…

1
Why Nagging Isn't Building Responsibility with Debbie 10:36

28 days ago10:36

10:36

If you feel stuck in the reminder loop and it’s wearing you out... you’re not alone. In this episode, we’ll explore why nagging feels necessary, but often works against the outcomes you want. We’ll talk about what’s really going on when your child doesn’t follow through, and why it’s time to shift from managing behavior to mentoring development. When you learn to do that, things begin to change: less friction, more confidence, and a growing sense of maturity in your neurodivergent loved one. 🔵 This is the foundation of what we practice inside NDM Circle—and what we’re diving deep into in our July workshop, From Reminders to Responsibility- How to Stop Nagging and Start Building Follow Through . Visit NDM.Circle.so or https://ndm.circle.so/c/events/workshop-from-reminders-to-responsibility to RSVP.…

1
Crash or Protect? The Parenting Dilemma No One Talks About 21:31

9 weeks ago21:31

21:31

You want your neurodivergent child, teen, or young adult to grow into a confident, capable adult. But what do you do when they’re heading straight toward failure? Do you step in and save them—or let them crash and hope they learn? If you’ve ever wrestled with that gut-wrenching decision, this episode will speak right to you. Because most parents are making one of two well-intentioned mistakes—and both can leave their loved one stuck, discouraged, or completely shut down. In this episode, Jason breaks down the complex—and often painful—decision parents face: When do I intervene? And when do I let go? What he shares may just change how you approach your role entirely. 🎧 Tune in now, and then come get support inside our NDM Circle Community—where you’ll connect with others who are navigating these same questions with empathy and expert guidance. Visit NDM.Circle.so to learn more and start your free trial. What You’ll Explore: What if your instinct to “teach a lesson” is actually backfiring? What happens when failure doesn’t build resilience—but destroys it? Is rescuing always enabling—or is something deeper going on? What if they’re not lazy —but stuck in a brain state that blocks growth? How do you tell the difference between a hard moment… and a harmful one? 💬 This kind of nuance isn’t something you figure out alone. Join us in the NDM Circle Community for live coaching, connection, and practical mentoring support. Your first 14 days are free— NDM.Circle.so…

1
5 Patterns That Help Neurodivergent Young Adults Transition to Adulthood with Confidence (Instead of Anxiety) with Debbie 16:46

10 weeks ago16:46

16:46

If your neurodivergent teen or young adult is struggling to launch or if you find yourself constantly questioning whether you’re doing too much or not enough... this episode is for you. There’s a reason things feel stuck or fragile, even when you're working so hard to support them. It’s not about your efforts. It’s about the patterns shaping your day-to-day interactions. In this episode, I’ll share five foundational patterns that can shift the trajectory from anxiety and shutdowns… to confidence and steady progress. Inside, we’ll explore: What might be missing beneath the surface of your daily routines A common mindset trap that increases anxiety (without you realizing it) Why “more responsibility” backfires without this key support piece The one thing your child needs more than productivity A quiet but powerful strategy that strengthens independence from the inside out 🎧 Tune in now and if this resonates, join us inside NDM Circle for ongoing coaching, live workshops, and a supportive community of parents and professionals who truly get it. 🔗 NDM.Circle.so…

1
Is This Helping or Hurting? 5 Ways We Accidentally Undermine Independence with Debbie 22:52

11 weeks ago22:52

22:52

You’re doing everything you can to help your neurodivergent child, teen, or young adult grow into an independent adult, but what if some of the things you’re doing to help are actually holding them back? It’s not because you don’t care. It’s because so many of us are working from outdated ideas about what builds independence, and those ideas just don’t work for neurodivergent development. In this episode, I’ll walk you through five common patterns that loving, well-meaning parents fall into, and how they can unintentionally keep your child stuck. We’ll zoom in on one of those patterns and give you a practical shift you can make right away. If you recognize yourself in this episode, it’s a sign you’ll enjoy our upcoming workshop, The Independence Pathway: From Home to Thriving. What You’ll Learn: 5 parenting patterns that can quietly undermine independence Why solving problems for your child may do more harm than good A simple shift to start mentoring instead of managing The key mindset change that supports real growth How to get support that actually fits your neurodivergent loved one’s brain 📅 Tuesday, May 13, 2025 | 🕖 7:00 PM – 8:00 PM MDT 🎟 $27 or FREE for NDM Circle members 💻 RSVP now at NDM.Circle.so to build mentoring strategies that support autonomy, emotional well-being, and life skills—without the power struggles.…

1
From Surviving to Thriving—Our Journey, Lessons, and the Heart Behind NDM 11:35

12 weeks ago11:35

11:35

You’re exhausted, overwhelmed, and doing everything you can to help your neurodivergent loved one. So why does it still feel like nothing’s working? You’re not alone. We’ve been there too—desperate for answers, bouncing from expert to expert, trying every intervention, school, and strategy we could find… and still feeling stuck in survival mode. In this special 150th episode (a rerecording of our very first), we open up about our early struggles as parents to neurodivergent kids, how little support there was, and the painful moments that nearly broke us. But it was also the beginning of something transformative—the start of what would become Neuro-Developmental Mentoring (NDM™). If you’ve ever wondered where to begin—or how to keep going—this episode will give you hope, direction, and a sense that someone finally gets it. Tune in and get a deeper understanding of where we’ve come from, what we’ve learned, and why this podcast and community exists—for YOU. What You’ll Learn in This Episode: The real-life crisis moment that changed everything for us as parents Why most traditional mental health and educational approaches fall short for neurodivergent kids What finally started working—and why development, not behavior, is the key How our approach evolved into NDM™ and what makes it different Where to start when you’re exhausted, overwhelmed, and don’t know what else to try 🎧 If this episode resonates, take the next step and join our NDM Circle community at NDM.Circle.so . You don’t have to do this alone.…

1
Navigating the Parent-Mentor Balance with Jason 24:48

13 weeks ago24:48

24:48

Ever catch yourself wondering "Am I doing too much… or not enough?" Whether you're stepping in to help your child solve a problem—or stepping back to let them figure it out—finding that balance can feel like walking a tightrope. You might be working overtime to fix, rescue, or guide every decision, only to feel exhausted… or you might pull back too far, unsure when to re-engage. Either way, when the balance is off, kids struggle to grow into capable, confident adults. In this episode, Jason unpacks how to know when to parent, when to mentor, and why this distinction matters more than you think —especially for neurodivergent kids, teens, and young adults. You’ll learn: ✔ Why over-parenting or under-parenting can lead to emotional and developmental roadblocks ✔ How to recognize when your child needs a parent vs. a mentor (and how to shift gears) ✔ What happens when parents aren’t aligned —and how to get on the same page ✔ How parenting from survival mode affects your child’s emotional health ✔ The simple mindset shift that helps you balance intervention and autonomy for long-term growth If you're ready to stop second-guessing and start feeling confident in how you support your child’s journey to independence, this episode is for you. ✨ Want to go deeper? Join us for our upcoming workshop: "The Independence Pathway: From Home to Thriving." You'll learn how to foster autonomy, emotional well-being, and life skills without power struggles or overwhelm. 🔗 RSVP for the Workshop here: NDM.Circle.so 📩 Get more insights & tools—Join our email list for inspiration and updates. 👉 Need a supportive community? Join our NDM Circle Community at NDM.Circle.so —a space for parents and professionals mentoring neurodivergent young people.…

1
Embracing Neurodivergent Affirming Care: Balancing Acceptance and Practical Support with Jason 45:27

20 weeks ago45:27

45:27

If you’ve ever wondered, “How do I support my child’s authentic self while helping them navigate the real world?”—you’re not alone. You’ve heard about neurodivergent affirming care and its emphasis on acceptance, but there’s still a challenge: How do we strike the balance between honoring individuality and addressing the practical demands of life? In this episode, Jason Grygla dives into the complexities of neurodivergent affirming care, exploring both its transformative strengths and potential limitations. You’ll learn: ✔ Why affirming care is essential for empowering neurodivergent individuals ✔ How trauma-informed and client-centered approaches promote healing and growth ✔ Why we need to balance authentic self-expression with real-world life skills ✔ Practical considerations in supporting neurodivergent individuals without ignoring necessary social norms and behavioral adaptations If you’re ready to move beyond just acceptance and create a balanced approach to supporting neurodivergent individuals, this episode will help you get clear on the next steps. ✨ Want to go deeper? 📩 Get more insights & tools —Join our email list for inspiration and updates. 👉 Need a supportive community? Join our NDM Circle Community at NDM.Circle.so —a space for parents and professionals mentoring neurodivergent young people.…

1
Why You Keep Getting Stuck in the Same Parenting Struggles (And How to Break Free) with Debbie 12:29

21 weeks ago12:29

12:29

If you’ve ever thought, “Why does this keep happening?!” —whether it’s battles over transitions, screen time, or meltdowns—you’re not alone. You try different strategies, set boundaries, offer choices… yet you keep getting stuck in the same frustrating cycles. The truth is, the situation isn’t actually the problem —it’s how we think about the situation that keeps us stuck. You’ll learn: ✔ Why shifting your thoughts (not just the situation) is the key to breaking frustrating cycles ✔ How lower brain survival patterns—Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn—keep parents and kids stuck ✔ A simple mindset shift that helps you respond instead of react ✔ How to notice and reframe thoughts in the moment for better connection and cooperation If you’re tired of power struggles and emotional exhaustion, this episode will help you take the first step toward real change . ✨ Want to go deeper? Join us for our upcoming workshop: "Mastering the Brain STEARing Model™: From Survival Reactions to Thriving Responses." You'll learn step-by-step how to shift from reacting to responding , helping both you and your child move toward more connection, regulation, and peace. 🔗 RSVP for the Workshop here: NDM.Circle.so 📩 Get more insights & tools —Join our email list for inspiration and updates. 👉 Need a supportive community? Join our NDM Circle Community at NDM.Circle.so —a space for parents and professionals mentoring neurodivergent young people.…

1
Decoding the 'I Can't vs. I Won't' Paradox in Neurodivergence with Jason & Debbie 22:39

24 weeks ago22:39

22:39

Is it that they can’t—or that they won’t? In this episode, we break down the common struggle of distinguishing between genuine inability and refusal in neurodivergent kids, teens, and young adults. We explore: • Why challenges can feel insurmountable due to unique brain wiring • How to avoid power struggles and foster autonomy • The neural response to perceived difficulty and how it impacts motivation • The role of resilience and discipline in long-term growth Understanding this gray area can help you respond with more clarity and support—without getting stuck in frustration. 📩 Want more insights and practical tools? Be sure to join our email list for inspiration and updates. 👉 For deeper support, join our NDM Circle Community at NDM.Circle.so —a space for parents and professionals navigating the complexities of parenting neurodivergent young people.…

1
Teaching Calm: How to Help Build Emotional Regulation Skills with Debbie 10:15

25 weeks ago10:15

10:15

If you've ever found yourself saying "Calm down!" during your child's meltdown—only to watch it make things worse—you're not alone. The truth is, neurodivergent children, teens, and young adults don't just know how to regulate their emotions... it's a skill that needs to be taught and developed. But here's the kicker: emotional regulation isn't something you teach in the heat of the moment—it's something you build over time. In this episode, I dive into what emotional regulation looks like for neurodivergent (autistic, ADHD, etc.) children, teens, and young adults, why it's often harder for them, and what you can do to help. I share practical tools for teaching calm, not by demanding it, but by modeling it, practicing it, and making it part of everyday life. You'll learn: Why emotional regulation is a skill—not a personality trait The role of co-regulation and why your calm is the first step How to teach regulation tools outside of the meltdown moment Simple, actionable strategies to help your child access calm If meltdowns, emotional outbursts, or shutdowns feel like a daily struggle, this episode if for you. And if you want to go deeper, join us for our upcoming workshop: " Helping Neurodivergent Children, Teens, and YAs Access Calm." We'll walk you through even more tools, real-life examples, and step-by-step strategies to support emotional regulation at home. ✨ RSVP for the Workshop here: NDM.Circle.so 📩 Want more insights and practical tools? Be sure to join our email list for inspiration and updates. 👉 For deeper support, join our NDM Circle Community at NDM.Circle.so —a space for parents and professionals navigating the complexities of parenting neurodivergent young people.…

1
Understanding Rigid Decisiveness with Jason & Debbie 20:18

26 weeks ago20:18

20:18

“Why won’t they just change their mind?” If you’ve ever found yourself frustrated by a neurodivergent loved one’s black-and-white thinking or their refusal to reconsider a decision, you’re not alone. In this episode of Autism & Neurodiversity, we explore the common pattern of what Jason calls "rigid decisiveness." We unpack how this behavior—often misunderstood as stubbornness or immaturity—is rooted in lower brain functions like the need to avoid pain and conserve energy. We share some real-life examples of this pattern and explain how understanding it through a developmental lens can make all the difference. Whether you’re a parent, professional, or someone navigating your own neurodivergence, this episode offers practical tools and a fresh perspective on how to approach rigid decisiveness with patience and support. What You’ll Learn in This Episode: • Why rigid decisiveness is common in neurodivergent individuals • How black-and-white thinking ties to lower brain, survival functions • The pitfalls of labeling this behavior as “stubbornness” or “immaturity” • Developmental strategies to better support and connect 📩 Want more insights and practical tools? Be sure to join our email list for inspiration and updates. 👉 For deeper support, join our NDM Circle Community at NDM.Circle.so —a space for parents and professionals navigating the complexities of parenting neurodivergent young people.…

1
The Calm Before the Storm: Why Emotional Regulation Starts with You with Debbie 17:36

27 weeks ago17:36