Siblings Shape Our Lives More than we Realize

Bite Your Tongue: The Podcast

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Today we rewind and delve into the much overlooked topic of sibling relationships. We speak with Fern Schumer Chapman author of the book Brothers, Sisters, Strangers. Siblings are the longest relationship we will have in our lives - and our children's.

Whether you're navigating your own sibling estrangement or watching it develop between your children, this conversation offers both validation and practical wisdom for one of life's most painful but least discussed family challenges. It also makes you question: "Do you have a favorite child?"

Chapman shares her personal life story that led her to write this book and highlights a number of key points:
• Sibling relationships can last 80 years, making them our longest connections
• Estrangement often occurs during "perilous moments" like marriage, having children, or parental illness
• Parental favoritism significantly contributes to sibling rifts
• The "dignity model" approach to reconciliation requires genuine listening without challenging each other's stories
• Some relationships are too toxic to repair, especially with narcissism or mental illness involved
• Birth order affects sibling dynamics and relationships
• Estrangement ripples through families as relatives often align with one sibling
• Strong sibling connections are cornerstone of emotional health, according to Harvard's longest study of well-being
Huge thank you to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.
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Chapters

1. The Ripple Effect of Sibling Rejection (00:00:00)

2. Introduction & Sibling Estrangement Background (00:03:43)

3. Risk Factors & Perilous Moments (00:08:51)

4. Harry & William: A Royal Example (00:18:10)

5. Rebuilding Broken Sibling Relationships (00:24:11)

6. Journey Through Reconciliation (00:35:13)

7. Mourning the Living: The Emotional Toll (00:42:14)

8. Final Thoughts & Key Takeaways (00:49:34)