57 - The Different Faces of Identity: Navigating Sexual Orientation and Gender Expression

Blended

The different faces of identity: Navigating sexual orientation and gender expression

Welcome back to Blended!

Today, we’re talking about sexual orientation, gender identity and expression.

Discussions around these issues have been hitting the headlines more and more in recent months. And it’s fair to say that many recent rulings and debates have felt like a step backward for a lot of different communities – they just want the freedom to be themselves. But there’s a fundamental lack of understanding. A lot of people just don’t understand what it means to have a different identity or expression. And a lack of understanding, the unfamiliar or unknown, is what often sits behind fear.

So today we’re going to be opening up a conversation to encourage understanding, so we can fight that fear and create spaces that are safe and welcoming for everyone.

IN THIS EPISODE:

[01.02] Introductions to our Blended panelists.

· Kai – Social Scientist, President of TransFocus and speaker

· Ross – Vice President at GLAAD Media Institute, author and speaker

· Kiara-Kumail – Employee at White Ribbon and actor

[04.23] The group explore sexual orientation, gender identity and gender expression and the many factors around these topics, from pronouns and labels, to authenticity and fear.

· Sex vs gender

· Labels

· Evolution of labels/identities

· Words/identities mean different things to different people

· ‘I am’ vs ‘I identify as’

· Asking open-ended questions

· Creating safe spaces

o What are they?

o How do we create them?

o Language

o Infrastructure

o Support/listening

· We’re more than just our identities

· Definitions becoming reductive

· Problems with identity becoming politicized

· The growth of LGBTQIA+

· Pronouns

· How we introduce ourselves

· The nuance of curiosity and asking questions

· Respect

· Fear of making a mistake

· Being open to being corrected

· Acknowledging, and apologizing for, mistakes

· Making assumptions

· Internal vs external

· Control

· Cultural rules

· How gender expression relates to physical safety

· Masculinity and femininity

· Shifting gender expression to suit different environments

· Belonging

· Authenticity

· How anti-trans sentiment also harms cisgender people

“Labels will never fully be able to capture everything, though they help people identify in certain ways. Ultimately, it’s not about fully understanding everything, it’s about respect and being a good human being. And labels expand and mean different things to different people. The community exists beyond a monolith, we all have different opinions – there’s no one easy answer unfortunately.” Kiara-Kumail

“Sexual orientation and gender identity are not just LGBTQ things, they’re something we all have. We all have a way in which we know and understand ourselves, and share it out with the world.” Ross

“There’s no right or wrong… But the way we can be more expansive is to say: ‘Tell me about yourself.’ It’s an open-ended question, and then people can feel free to share whatever they want... Sometimes people are hesitant, because they don’t know whether it’s safe to share.” Kai

“If someone raises an issue, that’s a big deal because it takes so much energy. Most people in the research we do, do not raise issues. About 75% have issues, but don’t raise them.” Kai

“Introducing yourself is a good way to do it. Because, if you’re asking, be honest: Are you asking the only visibly trans person in the room, or are you asking everybody that? Sometimes inclusion can actually be exclusionary. It’s good practice not to single one person out.” Kiara-Kumail

“For trans and non-binary folks, people often misread them – we look at the exterior and jump to conclusions… They’re misgendered about 70% of the time, it’s on a daily basis, and that’s a heavy burden to bear.” Kai

[40.44] The panel share an overview of where the US currently is with gender and sexuality issues, why many feel that we’ve taken a step backwards, and why it’s so important to continue to talk about these issues openly and without judgement.

· Similarity to the persecution of gay men during the AIDs crisis in the 1980s

· Modern radicalization of boys and men

· Manosphere

· Danger of discriminatory echo chambers

· Dehumanization

· Allyship

· Honest, open dialogue

· Separating fact from fiction

· Combined vision – weaving in women’s and men’s issues

· Overlapping needs/intersectionality

· Shared benefits

· Trying to turn negatives into positives

· Speed of change

“We’d previously been making quite a lot of progress, especially on trans issues and rights… Now it feels like a reversal. But I think it’s a pause, to allow more people to catch up… I try to understand many different perspectives and I hear time and time again: it’s too fast. So, OK – let’s regroup, restart the conversation, go back, and go through the basics.” Kai

[49.40] The group discuss what organizations can do to support the LGBTQIA+ community in the current political environment.

· Increasing millennial and Gen Z affinity with LGBTQ community

· Millennial and Gen Z groups are customers and employees – driving expectations

· Support grounded in values

· Difference between what organizations say and do (social media vs real policy)

· Need for larger systemic change, changing norms

· Appreciation of queer culture, not just people

· Analysis of biases

· Providing health insurance that covers gender affirming care

· Organizations pulling out of Pride/removing certain stock from shelves/pulling DEI programs

· More inclusive parental packages, i.e. IVF and adoption

· Support for name changes

· Areas for active leaning, e.g. Role play

· Intent – the importance of trying

· The importance of listening

· Kai’s experience of working with two-spirit first nation people

· Trans folk are not new!

o They exist in every culture, throughout time

o Different names, e.g. ‘third gender’ in India

o Trans history has been erased

o Colonialism set certain parameters for gender, expression, marriage, etc.

· Calling in experts – and paying them!

· Context

· Consistency

· Self-reflection

“In the US, despite everything we’ve talked about, peoples affinity with the LGBTQ community has only grown – it’s tripled since 2012 when Gallop started measuring… And that growth is from Gen Z and Millennials… Which means, for companies and organizations, these are your customers, these are your employees and your future leaders.” Ross

“It’s going to be a smaller group, but a more effective one. Because those are the ones that want to do the deep work.” Kai

“People feel neutral to positive about things like Pride merchandise… the same way they think about a sports team brand. What’s the difference between wearing a rainbow t-shirt or a Vikings jersey – to a lot of people, they’re the same thing.” Ross

“It’s about showing up, it’s about listening, and getting to know. Because when you have a depth of knowing, you can start to take more tangible action in a way that’s connected with people. It’s relational.” Kai

[1.14.18] The panel sum up their thoughts from today’s discussion.

RESOURCES AND LINKS MENTIONED:

You can connect with Kiara-Kumail, Kai and Ross over on LinkedIn.