Ep #171 How to Lose at Parenting by 'Winning' Every Battle I Riffing On My Book (5)

Connect Method Parenting I Conscious Parenting, Positive Parenting, Gentle Parenting, Connective Parenting, Peaceful Parenting, Slow Parenting, Parenting Teens, Single Parenting, Joyful Parenting, Positive Discipline, ADHD Parenting

I used to have a black belt in consequence-giving. 🥋

My kids wouldn't clean their room?

• BOOM - grounded.
• Talking back? KAPOW - no screens for a week.
• Fighting with siblings? BAM - straight to timeout.

I was "winning" every single battle. My kids were complying (sort of). The house was (temporarily) peaceful.

So why did I feel like I was losing something way bigger?

Today's episode is my confession booth moment. I'm pulling back the curtain on how I went from Consequence Champion to realizing I was basically playing parenting on hard mode... with the controller unplugged.

Here's what we're unpacking:

• The dopamine hit that tricks us into thinking punishment works (spoiler: your brain is lying to you)
• Why I almost ruined one of the Seven Wonders of the World with my "good parenting"
• That awkward moment when you realize you're having a bigger tantrum than your toddler
• The plot twist that changed EVERYTHING about how I parent
• What actually happens when you stop trying to "win" (hint: everyone wins)

The lightbulb moment from today's episode: "There's a crazy thing that happens while you deliver the punishment for their off-track behavior. You typically experience a bit of off-track behavior yourself."
The Machu Picchu Moment That Changed Everything: I'm at one of the most breathtaking places on Earth. My 10-year-old is melting down about the altitude, her burning lungs, her tired legs. And what's my internal response? Annoyance. Judgment. Full-on resistance mode.
I almost let my need to "win" (aka make her stop complaining) ruin this once-in-a-lifetime experience. Until I remembered: Nothing has gone wrong here. She's not being difficult. She's having a difficult time.
But instead of threatening to take away the zipline adventure, I sat with her. Believed in her. Celebrated every single step she took. And she made it to the top AND was delightful for the next FIVE HOURS.
Not because I "won." Because I finally stopped trying to WIN.
Pick your biggest parent-child battleground. Where you always "win" but feel gross afterwards. Now ask yourself:

• What am I really trying to win here?
• What would happen if I stopped fighting?
• How can I connect instead of correct?

Get specific. Like "when they won't put on pajamas at 8:17pm for the 5th night in a row" specific. Write down ONE way you'll choose connection over winning.
You've been doing your best with the tools you had. We all learned that discipline = good parenting. But what if we learned wrong? What if "losing" these battles means winning something so much bigger, our kids' trust, their hearts, a relationship that actually works?
Remember: Your kids already know when they mess up. They don't need you to rub it in. They need you to help them find their way back to their best self. And plot twist - that's exactly what you need too.
Stuff I mentioned:

• Those chapter exercises I keep talking about: https://cmp.works/thebook
• My book (where I spill ALL the parenting tea)
• That Gandhi quote about being the change

Now go "lose" a battle today. Your future self (and your kids) will thank you.

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My Book: https://cmp.works/1xs

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