44. How Embarrassment Builds Trust in Relationships

Connection Therapy

We often think we need to show up perfectly, but the truth is—our imperfections are doing more work than we realize. In this episode, Dr. Brenda Murrow talks about how information moves between beings, especially through non-verbal signals, and how something as simple as embarrassment can actually build trust.

Humans, like many species, show appeasement signals—subtle ways of communicating their peaceable intent. When we are embarrassed, we often show these signals along with care, concern, or social awareness - all without saying a word. It’s a non-verbal way of showing we care what others think, too. That moment when your face flushes and you look away? It actually makes people trust you more.

Dr. Brenda Murrow breaks down the study Flustered and Faithful by Feinberg, Willer, and Keltner (2012), which found that when people witnessed someone reacting to an embarrassing moment with emotion, they viewed that person as more prosocial and trustworthy. It’s not the mistake that matters—it’s the way we respond. And often, we only feel embarrassed because we do care—about the moment, the other person, the connection.

This has big implications in how we support our patients. When we normalize embarrassment instead of rushing past it or covering it up, we give people space to be human. That opens the door for repair, empathy, and stronger connection. And often, those very moments can strengthen relationships.

Turns out, our flaws might be one of our best connection tools.

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Reference:

Feinberg, M., Willer, R., & Keltner, D. (2012). Flustered and faithful: Embarrassment as a signal of prosociality. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 102(1), 81–97. https://doi-org.pgi.idm.oclc.org/10.1037/a0025403