121: Breakups in Midlife: When Menopause Reshapes Your Relationship

Dear Menopause

What happens to marriages and long-term relationships during menopause?

Clinical psychologist Kirstin Bouse returns to the podcast to tackle this powerful question, revealing why 70% of midlife breakups are initiated by women.
The menopause transition triggers not just hormonal changes but profound psychological shifts. Neuroplasticity during this period reshapes women's brains, often leading to significant evolutions in identity, values, and what they're willing to tolerate. As Kirstin explains, "I hear from a lot of women: I just want to live from me, not from my role as mum or wife. I want to experience joy that's just about me."
We explore how these changes impact relationships from multiple angles. For partnerships with potential, we discuss how honest conversations can determine whether couples can evolve together or if paths must diverge.

Importantly we discuss that when a woman is living in an unhealthy or controlling relationship, perimenopause may increase vulnerability making it even more important that her safety and wellbeing are the top priority.
The conversation doesn't shy away from the challenges of rebuilding life as a single person in midlife, with Kirstin offering practical guidance on finding joy, creating a new identity, and building resilience. Throughout it all, one theme remains constant: the importance of support during this transformative period.
Whether you're questioning your own relationship, supporting a friend through changes, or simply wanting to understand this common midlife phenomenon, this episode offers insight, compassion, and a roadmap for navigating relationships through the turbulence of menopause.
Subscribe to Dear Menopause for more expert conversations that help you navigate this significant life transition with knowledge and confidence.

If you or someone you know is experiencing an unsafe or abusive relationship, please seek support - help is available, and you are not alone. Support services within Australia are listed below.

Links

Kirstin's website

All About Her Centre

Relationships Australia

Dept of Social Services

Mission Australia

1800RESPECT

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Chapters

1. Introduction to Kirstin Bouse (00:00:00)

2. How Menopause Affects Relationships (00:04:30)

3. Why Women Initiate Most Midlife Breakups (00:08:15)

4. Identity Shifts and Relationship Tensions (00:14:22)

5. Navigating Unhealthy Relationships During Menopause (00:18:52)

6. Finding Yourself After a Midlife Breakup (00:28:43)

7. Support Through Transitions and Closing Thoughts (00:39:50)