12 - Atz Kilcher (4/5) - The Victim & Resolution

Deep Sit Podcast

Today is Part 4 of my interview with Atz Kilcher, and after 3 hours of digging deep into the conflict and trauma that Atz has work so hard to overcome in his life, we finally find his Mother, Ruth. I found it interesting that it took us this long to talk about her, but even more interesting when Atz told me he originally intended to write his new memoir, Son of a Midnight Land, about her. But maybe just as it took us 3 hours to finally talk about her, he needs more time to dig into the complexity mystery of his Mom. Surprisingly, it looks like the whole dream of homesteading may have originated with Ruth and not Yule. Atz tells us all about it in this segment, but we discover also that his Mom played the tragic figure of the victim, perhaps unwittingly. And in listening back, I think this issue deserves a lot more attention than what we were able to give it here.

I think feeling victimized, or even playing the victim, is one of the most stealth ways to undermine one's ability to thrive. It is the ultimate excuse and method of sabotage for not taking responsibility for one's actions, or even worse, inactions. Looking from the outside, Ruth did everything right, what she was even supposed to do, by tending to the homestead and raising the family while Yule was so often away. But unable to standup to constant abuse, she became emotionally dependent on her own children, and even developed physical ailments that mirrored her helplessness. This had a profound, but mostly undetectable impact on Atz, until he realized how it framed relationships he had with several wives.

I really hope Atz writes that next book that dives into the complexity of his Mom and the role of the victim. We need to differentiate how feeling victimized is different from being vulnerable and open, how one robs the power you have in your life, and the other restores it. But that is definitely for another time, and I hope I can have that conversation with Atz when he's ready to go deeper. Maybe the podcast will be called Deeper Sit by then.

We finish this episode with a great story of resolution, one instance in particular when Yule and Ruth engage in a nostalgic gift exchange that captivates the family at a reunion. They had been separated for quite a long time by then, but this resolution was deeply healing for Atz and his siblings. We tie out the story of the Kilcher family here, before getting to our last segment where we talk about morning routines, dealing with anxiety, and a wonderful word association game I played with Atz.

So, let's get started. Please welcome, my guest and friend Atz Kilcher.

PF

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