#1263 - When Your 7-Year-Old Acts Inappropriately: A Tricky Listener Question

Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

In today’s Q&A episode, Elizabeth from Melbourne shares a heartbreaking concern: her 7-year-old son is engaging in inappropriate behaviours towards girls at school. We unpack this tricky topic with sensitivity and seriousness—discussing how to draw firm boundaries, have safe and open conversations, and when to seek professional help. If you’ve ever felt unsure about how to respond when your child crosses a line, this episode will offer clarity, compassion, and practical tools.

KEY POINTS:

• Normal Curiosity vs Concerning Behaviour:
  It’s typical for kids between ages 4–8 to explore gender and bodies—but behaviour like skirt-lifting and bottom-touching crosses a serious line.
• Immediate Action is Crucial:
  Clear, direct communication is needed. “Your body belongs to you. Other people’s bodies belong to them.”
• Teach Consent Early:
  Consent education starts with everyday interactions—asking before hugging, respecting personal space, and stopping when someone says no.
• Don’t Catastrophize, Stay Present:
  Parents must resist the urge to project into the future and instead address the present issue calmly and constructively.
• Get on the Same Page with the School:
  Schools have protocols—partner with them for consistent boundaries and supervision.
• Have Open Conversations Using the 3 E’s of Discipline:
  Explore what’s behind the behavior, Explain why it’s inappropriate, and Empower your child with better choices.
• Look Deeper, Ask the Hard Questions:
  Behaviour may stem from exposure to inappropriate content, modelling by others, or—more rarely—neurological or psychological factors.
• Avoid Labels:
  Kids need support, not stigma. Labels can harm their identity and influence how others treat them.

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:

“Labels belong on jars, not on people.”

RESOURCES MENTIONED:

• Michelle Mitchell's books
• Consent Can’t Wait Campaign
• happyfamilies.com.au – for parenting resources and help

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS:

1. Have a Calm, Direct Conversation
   Set a firm boundary: “This behaviour is not okay.” Avoid shame—focus on clear expectations.
2. Initiate a Safe Dialogue
   Reassure your child: “There’s nothing you can say that will make us stop loving you.” Then ask direct but gentle questions about where the behaviour may be coming from.
3. Involve the School
   Work with teachers and school counsellors to ensure supervision and consistent messaging.
4. Monitor Online Access
   Review screen time and check for any exposure to explicit content.
5. Consider Professional Help
   If behaviours repeat or your child discloses troubling influences, consult a psychologist or counsellor experienced in childhood behaviour.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.