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ESSAY June 2025 - Breaking Through Resentment and Numbness - Brock J., Sudbury, Canada

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Manage episode 488615238 series 3349823
Content provided by Essay Magazine. All podcast content including episodes, graphics, and podcast descriptions are uploaded and provided directly by Essay Magazine or their podcast platform partner. If you believe someone is using your copyrighted work without your permission, you can follow the process outlined here https://ppacc.player.fm/legal.

I didn’t know what grief was or what it felt like before recovery. Lust numbed all my emotions, positive and negative. I rarely had feelings when pets passed away. It felt like it was just part of life.

My grandma passed away when I was 16. I ended up sitting beside my grandpa and holding his hand through the funeral. I was numb and kept asking in my head, “Where are the adults? This isn’t my job.” I asked my parents why I didn’t feel anything. I would later learn that this shock (numbness) is how I initially respond to grief, but I was told that if I had invested more in my relationship with my grandma, I would have felt more. What a setup for dependency issues! I concluded I was defective and that all relationships are 100 percent dependent on me. I think my lust became worse due to this.

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833 episodes

Artwork
iconShare
 
Manage episode 488615238 series 3349823
Content provided by Essay Magazine. All podcast content including episodes, graphics, and podcast descriptions are uploaded and provided directly by Essay Magazine or their podcast platform partner. If you believe someone is using your copyrighted work without your permission, you can follow the process outlined here https://ppacc.player.fm/legal.

I didn’t know what grief was or what it felt like before recovery. Lust numbed all my emotions, positive and negative. I rarely had feelings when pets passed away. It felt like it was just part of life.

My grandma passed away when I was 16. I ended up sitting beside my grandpa and holding his hand through the funeral. I was numb and kept asking in my head, “Where are the adults? This isn’t my job.” I asked my parents why I didn’t feel anything. I would later learn that this shock (numbness) is how I initially respond to grief, but I was told that if I had invested more in my relationship with my grandma, I would have felt more. What a setup for dependency issues! I concluded I was defective and that all relationships are 100 percent dependent on me. I think my lust became worse due to this.

  continue reading

833 episodes

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