24: Active Listening Is a Scam (If You’ve Never Been Taught How)

Five with Fry

“Just listen.” Sound familiar?

It’s one of the most repeated pieces of conflict advice and one of the most misunderstood. In this episode of Five with Fry, I’m coming for the myth of active listening. Because expecting people to magically “just listen” during a heated argument—when they’ve never actually been taught how—is setting them up to fail.

We talk a big game about communication, but most of us didn’t grow up in households that modeled healthy conflict or taught us how to hold space when we’re angry, hurt, or defensive. And then we expect ourselves (and others) to perform this high-level skill in the middle of an emotional firestorm?

Nah. That’s like expecting someone to sink a game-winning free throw when they’ve only ever practiced in an empty gym.

In this episode, I break down why active listening is so damn hard, especially when it matters most—and what it actually takes to build that skill. No shame, no fluff. Just a real talk invitation to ditch the unrealistic advice and start practicing the hard stuff when it’s actually hard.

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Chapters

1. Welcome to Five with Fry (00:00:00)

2. Hot Take: Active Listening Skepticism (00:00:34)

3. The Real Challenge of Listening (00:01:07)

4. Setting Realistic Expectations (00:02:16)

5. Closing Thoughts and Contact Info (00:04:16)