Episode 84: Annelil Desille

Focus and Chill - productivity tactics for AuDHDers and other neurodivergent folks

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Welcome to episode #84! We’re thrilled to be joined by Annelil Desille today.

Annelil Desille is an ADHD-registered clinical psychologist who blends lived experience with evidence-based practice to support neurodivergent individuals. Her special interests include neurodivergence, the mind-body connection, sexual health, intimacy, attachment, and spirituality.

Through her work, she helps neurodivergent individuals and couples navigate the unique challenges of relationships, task paralysis, self-acceptance, and personal growth. She also runs couples retreats focused on rebuilding intimacy and improving communication for neurodivergent partners.

In this episode, we discuss ADHD, PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance), neurodivergent relationships, and practical strategies for overcoming daily challenges.

Welcome to the show, Annelil!
Questions

JN: When did you first realize you were neurodivergent?

Identified with ADHD in 2018 during a binge-eating trial study
Diagnosed formally with autism in 2021 after a colleague recognized traits in her
Struggled with self-doubt but eventually embraced her neurodivergence

JN: What were some of the biggest challenges you faced in school?

Struggled with stats (had to take six years of it in her psych degree)
Severe task initiation issues, leading to all-nighters and procrastination
Excelled in subjects she loved but found others nearly impossible to engage with

JN: How did your diagnosis change your life?

Medication was life-changing—marks jumped from 60s to 90s
Allowed her to develop self-compassion for struggles she previously blamed herself for
Created affirmation decks to help herself and others embrace neurodivergence

JN: What challenges do you still experience now?

Task paralysis due to PDA—struggles to start even things she enjoys
Uses the INCU acronym (Interest, Novelty, Competition, Urgency) to overcome task avoidance
Finds creativity and gamification essential for motivation

JC: What are you currently working on?

Couples Retreats – Helping neurodivergent couples rebuild intimacy and improve communication
Task Initiation App – Developing an app that provides customizable voice prompts to match energy levels

JC: What strategies work best for productivity?

Water bottles & snack stations to avoid breaking hyperfocus
Body doubling and external accountability to stay on track
Gamification – Making boring tasks fun by turning them into challenges

JC: What productivity strategies don’t work for you?

Time blocking & Pomodoro method – Feels too rigid and disrupts deep focus
Strict consistency – Prefers a continuity approach (changing up habits every two weeks to maintain novelty)

JN: What does your morning routine look like?

Low-spoon, medium-spoon, and high-spoon versions based on energy levels
Journaling, gratitude, and affirmations as key daily habits
Prefers buffer time before work (arrives an hour early for flexibility)

JN: How do you manage sleep with ADHD?

Struggles with sleep regulation and frequent vivid dreams
Antihistamines unexpectedly helped with sleep due to histamine-related sleep disturbances
Works with her body’s natural rhythms rather than forcing early wake-ups

JN: Where can people connect with you?

Therapy Practice: https://www.neurokinnection.com.au/
Retreats & Resources: https://www.nk-intimacy-alchemy.com.au/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/neurokinnection/

JC: Final words for the audience?

"Figure out what you need before seeking external solutions."
"You know yourself best—trust your instincts and adapt strategies to fit your brain."