Permission to Host Imperfectly (and Consequently Host More Often)

Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship, Community, and What It Actually Takes

Think of a space you feel completely comfortable in that’s not your own home.

For me, it’s my grandparents’ house. I can easily picture their front porch, where my grandmother waited for us; the table we played cards at; and the garden, where I spent hours talking to them while picking green beans.

We’ve been trained by the internet to believe superficial details – like a perfectly styled coffee table or matching throw pillows – are what people remember about our homes. Consequently, many have anxiety hosting because their homes don’t look Instagram-ready

But the houses we see online are designed to be in magazines. They’re not real. Most people’s homes are messy and imperfect, which in a way makes them friendlier places to be. It’s not the aesthetic that makes them comfortable; it’s the memories made there with people.

So consider this your permission to host imperfectly, and to focus not curating space, but instead, on being present and holding space.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• The bizarre age we live in, where we are inundated with perfect images of home from the internet, which is skewing our perception of what guests are looking for
• The comfort of imperfection – sometimes it’s nice to know it’s not just you whose living room is cluttered or whose freezer contains mangoes instead of ice!
• Rewiring our brains to focus on holding space vs. curating space (and why sometimes holding space is actually harder)
• What people are actually craving in a gathering: real connection, and to feel safe, comfortable, seen, and loved

Resources & Links

Listen to Episode 6 about hosting and see some of my other free resources. Listen to Episode 38 and Episode 39 about third places and Episode 27 and Episode 69 about the loneliness epidemic.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!