What Happened To You? Understanding the Science Behind Your Betrayal Response

Happily Even After with Life Coach Jen

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We've all had those moments when we behave in ways that seem completely out of character—slapping someone in public, wanting to jump out of a moving car, or putting a hole in the wall. When betrayal trauma hijacks your nervous system, your body reacts before your rational mind can process what's happening.
Drawing from Oprah Winfrey and Dr. Bruce Perry's groundbreaking book "What Happened to You?", I explore how understanding trauma responses can transform shame into self-compassion. The simple shift from asking "what's wrong with me?" to "what happened to me?" opens the door to profound healing.
Your betrayal response isn't evidence of weakness or instability—it's your nervous system doing exactly what it evolved to do: protect you from perceived threats. The fight, flight, or freeze reactions aren't conscious choices, which explains why you can't simply think your way out of betrayal trauma.
Most post-betrayal behaviors make perfect sense when viewed through this lens. Drinking too much, emotional eating, excessive shopping or scrolling—these aren't character flaws but attempts to regulate an overwhelmed nervous system. And as Dr. Perry explains, "The most powerful form of reward is relational." Connection with supportive people provides what no substance or behavior can.
I share my personal journey of understanding my nervous system, from believing I had chronic anxiety (when actually I was living with chronic betrayal) to discovering simple regulation techniques that bring me back to balance. Finding what regulates your unique system—whether it's a heated blanket, walking with friends, or doing puzzles—builds your resilience zone and reduces triggers.
The path forward includes practicing "rupture and repair" in relationships, creating safe spaces where honest feelings can be expressed without judgment. This vulnerability leads to deeper connection than trying to maintain a façade of perfection.
Ready to transform your betrayal story through understanding the science of trauma? Discover how your nervous system holds the keys to moving from merely surviving to truly thriving after betrayal.

Please follow me on instagram and facebook @happilyevenaftercoach and if you want to see what coaching is all about I offer a free 45 min. clarity call via zoom.
Email me: [email protected] for any comments or questions.
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My website is www.lifecoachjen.com

Chapters

1. Introducing Happily Even After (00:00:00)

2. The Power of "What Happened To You?" (00:02:44)

3. Understanding Our Brain's Response to Betrayal (00:08:29)

4. My Personal Trauma Responses (00:15:29)

5. Self-Regulation After Betrayal (00:20:22)

6. The Healing Power of Connection & Repair (00:25:32)