Relational Bypassing - The Hidden Ways We Bypass Real Healing

32:12

DaQuane Cherry was once the kid who wore a hoodie to hide skin flare-ups in school. Now he’s an artist and advocate helping others feel seen. He reflects on his psoriasis journey, the power of small joys, and why loving yourself first isn’t a cliché—it’s essential. Plus, a deep dive into the history of La Roche-Posay’s legendary spring. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.…

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Relational Bypassing - The Hidden Ways We Bypass Real Healing | Ep #193

about a year ago 26:01

MP3•Episode home

Key Takeaways:

Relational bypassing can kill intimacy in relationships.
Fixing without hearing leads to disconnection.
Emotional shortcutting delays healing.
What we resist stays stuck; what we feel can move.
Both partners in infidelity need to process their emotions.
Avoidance strategies prevent real connection.
Emotional presence is crucial for rebuilding trust.
Truth must come from a real place for healing.
Controlling the narrative can be a form of bypassing.
Choosing connection over comfort fosters intimacy.

Relational Bypassing - The Hidden Ways We Bypass Real Healing | Ep #193

Heal from Infidelity

32 subscribers

published about a year ago

MP3•Episode home

Key Takeaways:

Relational bypassing can kill intimacy in relationships.
Fixing without hearing leads to disconnection.
Emotional shortcutting delays healing.
What we resist stays stuck; what we feel can move.
Both partners in infidelity need to process their emotions.
Avoidance strategies prevent real connection.
Emotional presence is crucial for rebuilding trust.
Truth must come from a real place for healing.
Controlling the narrative can be a form of bypassing.
Choosing connection over comfort fosters intimacy.

All episodes

Heal from Infidelity

1
Keep Watering - What My Flowers Taught Me About Healing After Infidelity | Ep #200 22:17

3 days ago22:17

22:17

It's the 200th episode of Heal from Infidelity! I'm going to share a personal story about planting flowers - and the importance of continuing to care for yourself and your relationships, even when faced with challenges after betrayal. Key Takeaways: Healing after betrayal requires patience and nurturing. Just like flowers, relationships need care to thrive. It's important to keep watering even when results aren't visible. Your roots are still alive, even if it feels hopeless. Nurturing yourself is essential for growth. You can make decisions from a place of wisdom and care. It's okay to remove what no longer serves you. Every time you nurture, you will see regrowth. You are not defined by your current situation. Support from others can help you in your healing journey. More from me: Sign up for the "Heal on the Go - Audio Membership" here: https://portal.andreagiles.com/offers/9tSEsULS Sign up for the $47 class "Decide: How to Commit to Staying or Going After Infidelity" here: https://portal.andreagiles.com/decide Apply to join the "Get Your Life Back After Infidelity" group program here: https://andreagiles.com/get-your-life-back/ Follow me on Instagram at: https://www.instagram.com/theinfidelitycoach/ Please click the button to subscribe so you don't miss any episodes and leave a review if your favorite podcast app has that ability. For transcripts and other available downloads, please visit Andrea's website at https://andreagiles.com/podcast/ © 2020 - 2025 Andrea Giles…

Heal from Infidelity

1
When They're Unhappy with You: Staying True without Shutting Down | Ep #199 25:04

10 days ago25:04

25:04

Let's talk about the challenges of navigating disapproval and emotional reactions in relationships. You'll learn about differentiation — maintaining one's identity while being in a relationship — and hear about ways to manage emotional responses. We'll look at the significance of self-respect, personal growth, and keeping the courage to stand firm in your truth, even when faced with someone else's discontent. Key Takeaways: Healing from infidelity involves becoming your truest self. Disapproval can trigger deep-seated fears of rejection. Differentiation means staying true to yourself in relationships. Emotional reactions should be managed before responding. It's okay to feel sad when others are upset with you. Self-awareness is crucial for personal growth. Supporting yourself is not selfish; it's courageous. You can hold space for others' feelings without losing yourself. Grief for the current situation is different from guilt. Trusting yourself leads to healthier relationships. Reference: Episode #69 - Differentiation More from me: Sign up for the "Heal on the Go - Audio Membership" here: https://portal.andreagiles.com/offers/9tSEsULS Sign up for the $47 class "Decide: How to Commit to Staying or Going After Infidelity" here: https://portal.andreagiles.com/decide Apply to join the "Get Your Life Back After Infidelity" group program here: https://andreagiles.com/get-your-life-back/ Follow me on Instagram at: https://www.instagram.com/theinfidelitycoach/ Please click the button to subscribe so you don't miss any episodes and leave a review if your favorite podcast app has that ability. For transcripts and other available downloads, please visit Andrea's website at https://andreagiles.com/podcast/ © 2020 - 2025 Andrea Giles…

Heal from Infidelity

1
When Forgiving Doesn't Mean Forgetting | Ep #198 34:40

17 days ago34:40

34:40

Today we take a look at the complex relationship between forgiveness and forgetting, emphasizing that true forgiveness does not require the erasure of painful memories. I'll discuss the importance of recognizing and processing emotions through the body, the necessity of setting boundaries, and the ongoing journey of forgiveness as a continual practice. Key Takeaways: Forgiveness does not mean forgetting; it means letting go of emotional baggage. Our bodies hold wisdom about what needs to be processed and healed. Forgiveness is an internal process that requires self-awareness and honesty. Remembering can be protective and wise, helping us avoid harmful patterns. Setting boundaries is essential in the healing process after betrayal. Integration of past experiences is crucial for personal growth and resilience. Forgiveness is a continual practice, not a one-time event. Emotional regulation is key to having difficult conversations about past hurts. We must honor our feelings and allow ourselves to process them fully. Healing involves both the mind and body working together. More from me: Sign up for the "Heal on the Go - Audio Membership" here: https://portal.andreagiles.com/offers/9tSEsULS Sign up for the $47 class "Decide: How to Commit to Staying or Going After Infidelity" here: https://portal.andreagiles.com/decide Apply to join the "Get Your Life Back After Infidelity" group program here: https://andreagiles.com/get-your-life-back/ Follow me on Instagram at: https://www.instagram.com/theinfidelitycoach/ Please click the button to subscribe so you don't miss any episodes and leave a review if your favorite podcast app has that ability. For transcripts and other available downloads, please visit Andrea's website at https://andreagiles.com/podcast/ © 2020 - 2025 Andrea Giles…

Heal from Infidelity

1
The Hidden Pain of Betrayal - Yours, Theirs, Ours | Ep #197 22:09

24 days ago22:09

22:09

In this episode, we look at the hidden pain of betrayal, emphasizing that both the betrayed and the betrayer experience deep emotional turmoil. We explore the myths surrounding infidelity, the importance of facing one's pain, and the necessity of mutual understanding in the healing process. Key Takeaways: Betrayed partners often feel worse while the betrayer appears unscathed. Pain avoidance leads to deeper issues later on. Indicators of healing include facing pain honestly and openly. Mutual understanding of pain is crucial for healing. Compassion does not mean excusing harmful behavior. Healing requires acknowledging grief and loss. Both partners must confront their own pain for true healing. Real change involves recognizing the impact of one's actions. Healing is a choice that requires active participation. Understanding each other's pain can liberate both partners. More from me: Sign up for the "Heal on the Go - Audio Membership" here: https://portal.andreagiles.com/offers/9tSEsULS Sign up for the $47 class "Decide: How to Commit to Staying or Going After Infidelity" here: https://portal.andreagiles.com/decide Apply to join the "Get Your Life Back After Infidelity" group program here: https://andreagiles.com/get-your-life-back/ Follow me on Instagram at: https://www.instagram.com/theinfidelitycoach/ Please click the button to subscribe so you don't miss any episodes and leave a review if your favorite podcast app has that ability. For transcripts and other available downloads, please visit Andrea's website at https://andreagiles.com/podcast/ © 2020 - 2025 Andrea Giles…

Heal from Infidelity

1
The Mask of Avoidance: When Protection Becomes Disconnection | Ep #196 26:06

4 weeks ago26:06

26:06

In this episode we discuss the pervasive issue of avoidance in relationships. We explore how avoidance manifests as a lack of communication and emotional engagement, leading to disconnection and mistrust. We look at the costs of avoidance, the importance of setting real boundaries, and the detrimental effects of cancel culture on personal growth and relationships. Key Takeaways: Avoidance is a habit that keeps us stuck. Hard conversations are essential for growth and intimacy. Real boundaries require clarity and courage. Cancel culture promotes disconnection instead of dialogue. Avoidance can lead to emotional numbness and self-abandonment. We must face our discomfort to heal effectively. Avoidance often masquerades as self-protection. Engaging in difficult conversations fosters trust and connection. Understanding triggers can lead to personal growth. We all have moments of avoidance; it's part of being human. More from me: Sign up for the "Heal on the Go - Audio Membership" here: https://portal.andreagiles.com/offers/9tSEsULS Sign up for the $47 class "Decide: How to Commit to Staying or Going After Infidelity" here: https://portal.andreagiles.com/decide Apply to join the "Get Your Life Back After Infidelity" group program here: https://andreagiles.com/get-your-life-back/ Follow me on Instagram at: https://www.instagram.com/theinfidelitycoach/ Please click the button to subscribe so you don't miss any episodes and leave a review if your favorite podcast app has that ability. For transcripts and other available downloads, please visit Andrea's website at https://andreagiles.com/podcast/ © 2020 - 2025 Andrea Giles…

Heal from Infidelity

1
Reclaiming Your Life After Abuse with Alysha Lee | Ep #195 44:15

5 weeks ago44:15

44:15

In this powerful episode, we welcome Alysha Lee, who shares her intense journey of leaving an abusive relationship. Alysha opens up about her experiences, the challenges she faced, and how she ultimately reclaimed her life. This episode is a beacon of hope for those who may find themselves in similar situations, offering insights into healing and the courage to seek a better future. Key Takeaways: Alysha's early experiences and the red flags she overlooked. The emotional and spiritual manipulation she endured. The pivotal moment when Alysha decided to break free. The healing process and the role of therapy in her recovery. Alysha's journey to writing her memoir and helping others. About Alysha Alysha currently lives in Colorado Springs, Colorado, with her husband and three daughters. She hopes readers who have experienced domestic abuse or similar trauma will be inspired by her story to share their stories and find the support and healing they need. Book on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Everything-I-Might-Have-Missed/dp/B0DSTD4GWY/ Book on Barnes and Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/everything-i-might-have-missed-alysha-tatiana-lee/1146710795 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/roses.and.reading/ More from me: Sign up for the "Heal on the Go - Audio Membership" here: https://portal.andreagiles.com/offers/9tSEsULS Sign up for the $47 class "Decide: How to Commit to Staying or Going After Infidelity" here: https://portal.andreagiles.com/decide Apply to join the "Get Your Life Back After Infidelity" group program here: https://andreagiles.com/get-your-life-back/ Follow me on Instagram at: https://www.instagram.com/theinfidelitycoach/ Please click the button to subscribe so you don't miss any episodes and leave a review if your favorite podcast app has that ability. For transcripts and other available downloads, please visit Andrea's website at https://andreagiles.com/podcast/ © 2020 - 2025 Andrea Giles…

Heal from Infidelity

1
What It Means to Be All in on the Relationship | Ep #194 34:34

6 weeks ago34:34

34:34

In this episode, I explore the concept of being 'all in' on a relationship and talk about the importance of commitment, understanding deal breakers, and establishing rules of engagement. I highlight the significance of truth-telling, emotional maturity, and personal accountability in fostering a healthy relationship. Key Takeaways: Being all in means commitment with your eyes wide open. It's important to know your deal breakers in a relationship. Rules of engagement help protect both partners during conflicts. Truth telling is an act of love and should be practiced. You are responsible for your own emotional maturity and growth. Being a lighthouse means guiding your partner without carrying their burdens. Repairing relationships involves recognizing the impact of your actions. Shared growth is essential for a thriving relationship. You cannot control your partner's actions, only your own. Choosing yourself is crucial in the journey of healing. More from me: June Virtual Retreat: All In with Andrea Giles: https://portal.andreagiles.com/offers/7u3FE2aL/checkout Sign up for the "Heal on the Go - Audio Membership" here: https://portal.andreagiles.com/offers/9tSEsULS Sign up for the $47 class "Decide: How to Commit to Staying or Going After Infidelity" here: https://portal.andreagiles.com/decide Apply to join the "Get Your Life Back After Infidelity" group program here: https://andreagiles.com/get-your-life-back/ Follow me on Instagram at: https://www.instagram.com/theinfidelitycoach/ Please click the button to subscribe so you don't miss any episodes and leave a review if your favorite podcast app has that ability. For transcripts and other available downloads, please visit Andrea's website at https://andreagiles.com/podcast/ © 2020 - 2025 Andrea Giles…

Heal from Infidelity

1
Relational Bypassing - The Hidden Ways We Bypass Real Healing | Ep #193 26:01

7 weeks ago26:01

26:01

In this episode we'll discuss the concept of relational bypassing, a pattern where individuals avoid emotional pain in relationships, particularly after infidelity. This behavior can hinder intimacy and healing, so there is a real importance of emotional presence and truth in rebuilding the trust. Key Takeaways: Relational bypassing can kill intimacy in relationships. Fixing without hearing leads to disconnection. Emotional shortcutting delays healing. What we resist stays stuck; what we feel can move. Both partners in infidelity need to process their emotions. Avoidance strategies prevent real connection. Emotional presence is crucial for rebuilding trust. Truth must come from a real place for healing. Controlling the narrative can be a form of bypassing. Choosing connection over comfort fosters intimacy. More from me: Sign up for the "Heal on the Go - Audio Membership" here: https://portal.andreagiles.com/offers/9tSEsULS Sign up for the $47 class "Decide: How to Commit to Staying or Going After Infidelity" here: https://portal.andreagiles.com/decide Apply to join the "Get Your Life Back After Infidelity" group program here: https://andreagiles.com/get-your-life-back/ Follow me on Instagram at: https://www.instagram.com/theinfidelitycoach/ Please click the button to subscribe so you don't miss any episodes and leave a review if your favorite podcast app has that ability. For transcripts and other available downloads, please visit Andrea's website at https://andreagiles.com/podcast/ © 2020 - 2025 Andrea Giles…

Heal from Infidelity

1
What It Means to Be All In | Ep #192 21:19

8 weeks ago21:19

21:19

What does it mean to be "all in" on yourself, especially in the context of healing from infidelity? We'll talk about the importance of self-commitment and internal stability before you can fully engage in relationships. Key Takeaways: Going all in means committing to yourself first. You cannot be all in on a relationship without being all in on yourself. Internal stability is crucial for healthy relationships. Overriding your feelings leads to losing your peace. Being all in does not mean over-functioning for others. Recognizing when you're half in and half out is important. Your healing should not depend on someone else's actions. Building a sustainable foundation takes time and effort. Choosing yourself changes everything in your life. The upcoming virtual retreat will help you create your all-in plan. More from me: Sign up for the "Heal on the Go - Audio Membership" here: https://portal.andreagiles.com/offers/9tSEsULS Sign up for the $47 class "Decide: How to Commit to Staying or Going After Infidelity" here: https://portal.andreagiles.com/decide Apply to join the "Get Your Life Back After Infidelity" group program here: https://andreagiles.com/get-your-life-back/ Follow me on Instagram at: https://www.instagram.com/theinfidelitycoach/ Please click the button to subscribe so you don't miss any episodes and leave a review if your favorite podcast app has that ability. For transcripts and other available downloads, please visit Andrea's website at https://andreagiles.com/podcast/ © 2020 - 2025 Andrea Giles…

Heal from Infidelity

1
Full Body Healing with Majo Torreli | Ep #191 38:10

9 weeks ago38:10

38:10

In this episode, Majo Torreli, a somatic coach who helps women break unhealthy relationship patterns and cultivate self-love, shares her personal journey of healing from emotionally abusive relationships and the transformative power of somatic coaching. Key Takeaways: Majo Torreli is a somatic coach helping women heal from unhealthy relationship patterns. Her personal journey involved overcoming emotionally abusive relationships. Somatic coaching helped her achieve what years of therapy could not. Feeling safe in one's body is crucial for emotional healing. Intellectual understanding of self-worth is different from experiencing it emotionally. Forgiveness requires processing and releasing trapped energy. Women often need to create safety within themselves after betrayal. Trusting intuition takes time and requires emotional digestion. Taking accountability for relationship patterns is essential for growth. Healing is a gradual process that requires self-compassion. Majo is a somatic coach who helps women break out of painful relationship patterns by reconnecting with their bodies. After more than a decade stuck in unhealthy cycles, anxiety, and self-doubt in love—despite doing “all the right things”—she finally broke free and found lasting self-love through somatic (body-based) coaching. Today, she guides other women through the same journey—helping them cultivate inner peace, confidence, and love they can feel in their bones, not just in their heads. To learn more from Majo: Website: https://www.shesembodied.com/ Instagram: @shesembodied More from me: Sign up for the $47 class "Decide: How to Commit to Staying or Going After Infidelity" here: https://portal.andreagiles.com/decide Apply to join the "Get Your Life Back After Infidelity" group program here: https://andreagiles.com/get-your-life-back/ Follow me on Instagram at: https://www.instagram.com/theinfidelitycoach/ Please click the button to subscribe so you don't miss any episodes and leave a review if your favorite podcast app has that ability. For transcripts and other available downloads, please visit Andrea's website at https://andreagiles.com/podcast/ © 2020 - 2025 Andrea Giles…

Heal from Infidelity

1
Manipulation or Influence - How to Tell the Difference After Infidelity | Ep #190 25:20

10 weeks ago25:20

25:20

In this episode we'll explore the critical distinction between manipulation and influence, particularly in the context of relationships affected by infidelity. We'll emphasize the importance of understanding these dynamics to foster healthier interactions and personal growth. The discussion covers how manipulation often stems from fear and self-serving motives, while influence is rooted in strength, clarity, and a desire for collective betterment. Key Takeaways: Understanding the difference between manipulation and influence is crucial after infidelity. Manipulation often arises from fear and self-serving motives. Influence is about seeking the betterment of everyone involved. Recognizing patterns of manipulation can help break the cycle of unhealthy behaviors. Effective communication is key to fostering influence rather than manipulation. Living in alignment with your values can enhance your influence in relationships. Asking for what you want is a form of kindness, not manipulation. Emotional intelligence plays a significant role in distinguishing between manipulation and influence. Trust is built through honesty and consistency in relationships. Shifting from control to influence increases the chances of achieving desired outcomes. More from me: Sign up for the $47 class "Decide: How to Commit to Staying or Going After Infidelity" here: https://portal.andreagiles.com/decide Apply to join the "Get Your Life Back After Infidelity" group program here: https://andreagiles.com/get-your-life-back/ Follow me on Instagram at: https://www.instagram.com/theinfidelitycoach/ Please click the button to subscribe so you don't miss any episodes and leave a review if your favorite podcast app has that ability. Thank you! For transcripts and other available downloads, please visit Andrea's website at https://andreagiles.com/podcast/ © 2020 - 2025 Andrea Giles…

Heal from Infidelity

1
Unbecoming Who I Never Was - Releasing Old Stories and Reclaiming What's True | Ep #189 32:54

11 weeks ago32:54

32:54

Today we're exploring unbecoming and self-discovery. We'll look at the importance of stripping away old identities and beliefs that no longer serve us, particularly those rooted in childhood trauma. We need to create space for authenticity and self-acceptance, rather than striving for an idealized version of ourselves. Key Takeaways: Healing from infidelity involves unbecoming old identities. Many beliefs about self-worth are rooted in childhood experiences. Unlearning is often more important than becoming something new. Creating space for authenticity allows for true self-discovery. The pressure to be better can stem from past trauma. It's essential to recognize what stories are not truly yours. Self-acceptance is a key part of the healing process. The journey of unbecoming can be uncomfortable but necessary. You are not defined by your past or the actions of others. Real work is about being present with yourself, not rushing to an outcome. More from me: Register for the Free Masterclass - Reclaiming Her: Mothering with a Shattered Heart After Infidelity - here: https://portal.andreagiles.com/reclaiming-her Sign up for the $47 class Decide: How to Commit to Staying or Going After Infidelity here: https://portal.andreagiles.com/decide Apply to join the Get Your Life Back After Infidelity group program here: https://andreagiles.com/get-your-life-back/ Follow me on Instagram at: https://www.instagram.com/theinfidelitycoach/ Please click the button to subscribe so you don't miss any episodes and leave a review if your favorite podcast app has that ability. Thank you! For transcripts and other available downloads, please visit Andrea's website at https://andreagiles.com/podcast/ © 2020 - 2025 Andrea Giles…

Heal from Infidelity

1
More Than Actions - What We Really Need After Betrayal | Ep #188 28:38

12 weeks ago28:38

28:38

Actions alone are insufficient for healing after betrayal. Today we're talking about the importance of genuine connection, the impact of childhood experiences on emotional safety, and the necessity of self-awareness and self-care in the healing process. A person who has been betrayed has to prioritize their emotional safety and seek deeper, more meaningful connections in their relationships. Let's talk about how... Key Takeaways: Healing requires more than just actions; it needs genuine connection. Box checking can create an illusion of safety but lacks depth. Emotional safety is often rooted in childhood experiences. Resentment can undermine efforts to rebuild trust. Real healing often disrupts appearances and requires vulnerability. Self-awareness is crucial for understanding emotional needs. It's important to communicate needs clearly in relationships. Surface-level compliance can lead to deeper feelings of loneliness. Creating safety starts from within and requires self-compassion. True connection is built on mutual respect and understanding. More from me: Sign up for the $47 class "Decide: How to Commit to Staying or Going After Infidelity" here: https://portal.andreagiles.com/decide Apply to join the "Get Your Life Back After Infidelity" group program here: https://andreagiles.com/get-your-life-back/ Follow on Instagram at: https://www.instagram.com/theinfidelitycoach/ Please click the button to subscribe so you don't miss any episodes and leave a review if your favorite podcast app has that ability. Thank you! For transcripts and other available downloads, please visit Andrea's website at https://andreagiles.com/podcast/ © 2020 - 2025 Andrea Giles…

Heal from Infidelity

1
Making Room for It All - Lessons from a Wedding | Ep #187 25:06

13 weeks ago25:06

25:06

Today I'm going to share a personal experience of navigating some complex emotions during my daughter's wedding. Let's talk about the importance of making room for all feelings, including joy and grief, and acknowledge the societal expectations surrounding emotional responses to significant life events. Key Takeaways: Emotional maturity involves holding multiple truths at once. It's okay to feel both joy and grief simultaneously. Cultural expectations can create pressure around how we should feel during significant events. Mixed emotions are a natural part of the human experience. Self-judgment can intensify emotional struggles. Making room for all feelings is essential for healing. Emotions are not problems; they are experiences to be felt. You don't have to wait for the hard times to celebrate the good. All parts of you are welcome in your emotional journey. Healing involves embracing complexity and allowing all emotions to coexist. More from me: Sign up for the $47 class "Decide: How to Commit to Staying or Going After Infidelity" here: https://portal.andreagiles.com/decide Apply to join the "Get Your Life Back After Infidelity" group program here: https://andreagiles.com/get-your-life-back/ Follow on Instagram at: https://www.instagram.com/theinfidelitycoach/ Please click the button to subscribe so you don't miss any episodes and leave a review if your favorite podcast app has that ability. Thank you! For transcripts and other available downloads, please visit Andrea's website at https://andreagiles.com/podcast/ © 2020 - 2025 Andrea Giles…

Heal from Infidelity

1
Focusing on the Wrong Things After Infidelity | Ep #186 18:45

14 weeks ago18:45