Episode 613: Funny Stories

Idiots On Parade, the Too Ugly for TV Podcast

00:00 Introductions

00:52 Dajua Blanding

06:31 Draft Kings

09:54 Tom Brady

11:21 Kayla Nicole

15:42 Bras

17:34 James Carville

23:21 Anna Paulina Luna

24:57 Drag Queen Story Hour

27:52 Shark Attack

—Given the state of things since the inauguration, people have been down in the dumps.

Well, we’re here to change that this week, with stories focused on hilarity.

—Morbidly obese rapper Dank Demoss ordered a Lyft. When a normal-size sedan showed up and refused to let her attempt to squeeze in—She weighs almost 500 pounds—she threw a fit, and filed a lawsuit.

Then, she went on The Breakfast Club podcast and couldn’t fit into their normal-size office chairs.

They had to get her a couch.

And just like that, she handed Lyft the clip they needed in order to win their case.

“Your honor, she is so amazingly fat that she doesn’t even fit into a chair. Our driver was protecting the integrity of his shocks, wheels, suspension, frame…”

What does she rap about, anyway? Cake?

Going off a livestream comment, Jake discusses the meaning behind “Free Palestine.”

—A new survey shows that more and more, people look at gambling/sports betting as an investment.

Like a 401K.

I mean… I knew we lived in a country full of morons, but this is where we’re at: putting $50 on the Super Bowl is gonna pay the kid’s college tuition, apparently.

Speaking of the Super Bowl, Jake lost money on the game; take that, Jake’s kids!

—Was he the worst sports announcer of the year?

Maybe.

He was definitely the worst football announcer, because for the love of God, he can’t say “pass.”

Brady spent too much time in Boston, and now he has enough of that Boston accent to be annoying.
How has no one sat him down and taught him how to speak?

Jesus.

—Travis Kelce played like garbage in the Super Bowl. Is that sexist to say?

If the answer is, “No,” then why is it automatically assumed it’s sexist for people to have an opinion about his ex?

—A livestream comment takes nathan by surprise, and gets both nathan and Jake giggling furiously.

—It’s conspiracy theory time!

James Carville wonders if there’s a “plant” in the DNC trying to see what stupid things he can get them to do.
I mean, that has to make sense at this point, right?

They just lost, big time, and the response is to double down on the stupid shit that lost them the election? Obsessing over non-binary equity instead of the overall economy isn’t going to win votes, dummies.

—Who is stupider, MAGA politicians, or the MAGA faithful who vote those stupid, stupid, oh-so-stupid people into office.

Loyalty > Intelligence, as proven time and time again with these incredibly dumb people.

—Once again, a child has been abused by a Drag Que…

Oh, wait.

It was another Christian leader.

It’s always a member of the church abusing kids.

But sure, focus on the Drag Queens.

—The United States tries so hard to have bragging rights when it comes to the dumbest people on the planet, but, man…
Canada is giving us a run for our money.

A Canadian woman wanted a selfie with a shark…

…and had her hands bitten off.

The stupid is off the charts here.

Idiots on Parade: we mock the news, so you don’t have to.

Tune in and get your giggle on.

Find Jake at @jakevevera

Find nathan at nathantimmel.com