Episode 35: Cheryl Strayed: On Memoir

Memoir Snob

Here’s what I learned from Cheryl Strayed:

“The hardest part about memoir is the unfortunate fact that other people exist.”

Every time she writes about anyone other than herself she asks herself a series of questions—

Will this hurt our relationship?

Will this unfairly invade someone's privacy?

Will I be able to tell this story in such a way that is both deeply rooted in my truth and also acknowledging that that person I'm writing about would tell a different version of this story?

Do I have the right to tell their story, even if it's just through my perspective?

Will invading their privacy harm them or hurt them?

Cheryl wrote a longform essay titled Two Women Walk Into A Bar, available in early January 2024. It’s about her mother-in-law who recently passed away. They had a troubled relationship and Cheryl had to navigate how to tell their story with kindness at its center.

“Don’t be afraid of the dark stuff, because the beautiful stuff is there, too.”

The secret of memoir: when you can ask a universal question and tie it to your own personal question.

Cheryl’s personal question for Wild: How can I live without my mom?

Her universal question: How do we go on when we've lost someone who's essential to us?

Cheryl explains how to find and cultivate your authentic voice.

She ends by answering the following question from the audience:

How can I write a book if my family says I'm crazy and that “it didn't happen"?

In short, she says your family members are not your audience, and your book is not for them.

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The first memoir deep dive I did was on Cheryl Strayed’s Wild in Episode 22. Listen here.