The Lonely Miles: A Runner's Journey Back to Self

Miles & Mountains

When your running routes become maps of heartbreak, how do you find your way forward? Ultra runner John Calabrese takes us through his raw, emotional journey of rediscovery after losing both his relationship and running partnership in one devastating blow.
John's story begins with a dream scenario for many runners—falling for a fellow ultra athlete who shared his passion, crewed his races, and built memories along countless miles of trails. Together, they conquered grueling challenges like running JFK 50 and the Philadelphia Marathon in a single weekend. But when their relationship crumbled, John found himself not only heartbroken but also stripped of his running identity and community.
The collapse was total—pneumonia followed emotional exhaustion, friendships changed, and suddenly the routes that once brought joy became painful reminders of what he'd lost. Compounding his struggle, John and his ex continued living practically within sight of each other, making clean breaks impossible. Most devastating was losing a close running friend to an unexpected death around the same time, leaving John without his two most important running companions.
What makes this episode particularly powerful is the honesty with which John discusses rebuilding. From struggling to find motivation to run alone again to carefully navigating race schedules to avoid painful encounters, he reveals the messy reality of healing within a close-knit running community. His journey back to consistent 70-mile weeks hasn't been linear, but it has been transformative.
Now focused on giving back through Ainsley's Angels and targeting iconic challenges like Badwater 135, John is redefining his relationship with running on his own terms. His story reminds us that sometimes the longest ultramarathon isn't on any race calendar—it's the journey back to ourselves after loss.
Have you ever had to rebuild your relationship with running after a major life change? Share your story in the comments and connect with others who understand the struggle of finding your stride again when the path forward seems impossible to navigate.

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Shoutout to :

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The Calabrese Family and Friends

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Chapters

1. Connecting Over East Coast Running Roots (00:00:00)

2. John's Personal Breakdown and Loss (00:05:35)

3. Relationship Struggles and Health Collapse (00:09:45)

4. Finding Motivation After Heartbreak (00:15:25)

5. Redefining Running Identity (00:19:20)

6. The Challenge of Running Solo Again (00:29:50)

7. Racing Plans and Badwater Dreams (00:41:50)

8. Training Through Personal Struggle (00:49:10)

9. Finding Balance and Moving Forward (01:00:10)

10. Final Thoughts and Hope for Recovery (01:24:45)