Power of Apology

Mindset Mastery with Deirdre Maguire

When it comes to saying sorry, which sounds most like you,

A. “Sorry, I'm breathing.” You apologise for everything, even things that aren't your fault.

B.“Sorry, not sorry.” You avoid apologising unless absolutely necessary.

C. “I'm sorry but” you say it but it comes with a built-in excuse.

D. “I own it”. You apologise clearly, kindly and without losing your dignity.

Main Message:
We’ve all been there – stuck between our pride and the pit in our stomach that says, “I should make this right.”
But here’s the truth: Apologising doesn’t make you weak – it makes you wise.
It’s not about grovelling. It’s about growth.
It’s not about giving away your power. It’s about owning your impact.
3-Step Mindset Tool: How to Apologise with Power (Not People-Pleasing)
1. Pause Before You Apologise
Ask yourself: Am I apologising because I’ve hurt someone? Or because I feel uncomfortable with conflict?
A real apology needs to come from clarity, not guilt.
Reframe: “What’s the most respectful way I can take responsibility here?”
Example: You snapped at your partner after a stressful day. Instead of blurting "Sorry, I'm just tired!", pause, reflect, and say, "I’m sorry I took that out on you – that wasn’t fair."
2. Drop the 'But'
"I'm sorry *but* I was tired."
"I'm sorry *but* you started it."
That tiny word cancels everything before it.
A powerful apology sounds like:
“I’m sorry for how that came across. It wasn’t my intention, but I can see how it affected you.”
Example: A work colleague was hurt by your comment. Instead of saying, "I'm sorry, but you were being oversensitive," say, "I'm sorry my words landed that way – I didn’t mean to hurt you."
3. Don’t Lose Yourself in the Apology
You can be sorry for what happened without making yourself wrong as a person.
Healthy mindset: “That wasn’t okay – and I want to make it right.”
Example: You missed a friend’s event. Don’t say, "I'm the worst friend ever!" Instead: "I'm sorry I missed it. I really care and want to hear all about it."
Psychology Behind Apology Patterns
Why some people can’t apologise:
- Deep shame or fear of being wrong
- Belief that mistakes equal failure or rejection
- Childhood conditioning: “If I’m wrong, I’m unlovable.”
Example: Someone who can never say sorry at work because they believe admitting fault will make them look weak or incompetent. They might deflect, blame others, or minimise the issue instead.
Why some people apologise all the time:
- Habitual people-pleasing
- Fear of conflict or abandonment
- Internalised low self-worth: “Sorry I exist.”
- Socialised to be small, agreeable, or not take up space
Example: Someone constantly says "sorry" for asking a question, expressing an opinion, or even just walking past someone. It's less about the situation and more about feeling unworthy of taking up space.
The key question to ask yourself:
“What’s behind my apology strategy?”
Is it healing or hiding? Am I seeking connection or avoiding discomfort?
Apologising isn’t just about manners. It’s about mindset.
📚Recommended Reading:
“The Gifts of Imperfection” by Brené Brown
A foundational read for anyone who over-apologises due to shame, perfectionism, or not feeling “enough.”
Key insight: You don’t have to hustle for your worth. Owning your truth is where your power lies.
Quote: “Owning our story and loving ourselves throug