#16 Emotional Intimacy in Long-Term Relationships: What You’re Missing and How to Get It Back with Amy Phillips LCSW

Not Your Therapist

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Struggling to feel close to your partner in a long-term relationship? Tired of fighting about the same things over and over—like dishes, chores, or who's doing bedtime? You’re not alone—and the issue probably isn’t what you think it is.

In this episode of Not Your Therapist, I sit down with couples and individual therapist Amy Phillips, one of our seasoned clinicians at Evolution Wellness in Wilmington, NC. We dive deep into what drives emotional intimacy in long-term relationships, why couples often feel disconnected over time, and what to do when your communication keeps turning into conflict.

We unpack the psychology behind emotional connection, explore the Gottman concept of “bids for connection” (and why they’re so important), and talk about how simple shifts in attention, tone, and timing can bring the spark back to your relationship. Whether you're in the honeymoon stage or a decade in, this episode gives real, practical advice for building stronger communication and connection with your partner—without needing to overhaul your whole life.

Plus, we get into:

• Why your arguments often have nothing to do with the surface issue
• How to tell when your partner is making a bid for connection
• Ways to respond to those bids and repair emotional disconnection
• The importance of balancing quality time and alone time
• How small daily interactions build lasting emotional intimacy

If you're in a long-term relationship and want to deepen connection, improve communication, and feel more like a team again—this one’s a must-listen.

💬 Want to work with Amy? If you’re a resident of North Carolina, she offers both in-person and telehealth sessions through EvolutionWellnessNC.com.

💻 Want to work with me, Kayla? I take a limited number of 1:1 coaching clients—learn more at kaylareilly.com/workwithme.

🎧 And don’t forget to subscribe and binge more episodes of Not Your Therapist—packed with mental health truth bombs to level up your relationships, mindset, and life.

👉 Ask me a question or suggest a topic [email protected]

Chapters

1. Introduction to Relationship Health (00:00:00)

2. Why Connection Trumps Communication (00:04:32)

3. The Balance Between Togetherness and Independence (00:08:51)

4. Rituals of Connection and Everyday Bonds (00:15:01)

5. Managing Conflict and Emotional Regulation (00:21:09)

6. Avoiding Resentment and Processing Wounds (00:29:21)

7. The Science Behind Successful Relationships (00:35:37)