#19 Divorced But Not Damaged: What NOT to Do If You Don’t Want to Mess Up Your Kids with Dr. Larry Waldman

Not Your Therapist

Send us a text

Dr. Larry Waldman brings decades of forensic psychology experience to this raw, insightful conversation about the hidden casualties of divorce – the children caught in the crossfire between warring parents. Drawing from twenty years as the expert judges called on during high-conflict custody battles, Dr. Waldman exposes the psychological damage inflicted when parents prioritize their hurt feelings over their children's wellbeing.
"Kids are born naked and naive. What they see in their home, as far as they're concerned, is their reality," Dr. Waldman explains. When that reality fractures during divorce, children experience profound disorientation and insecurity. The conversation delves deep into parental behaviors that create what he calls a "loyalty squeeze" – when children feel torn between two people they love, unsure who to trust or believe.
The episode reveals startling patterns: children's academic performance dropping, social withdrawal, depression, eating and sleeping disturbances – all stemming from being caught in parental conflict. Perhaps most eye-opening is Dr. Waldman's observation that alienated children often reach adolescence or young adulthood and suddenly realize they've been manipulated, sometimes cutting off the alienating parent entirely.
Beyond alienation, we explore other common "sins" divorcing parents commit: fighting in front of children, using them as confidants, the "Disney parent" syndrome, and rushing into new relationships (explaining why second marriages fail at an alarming 65% rate). Dr. Waldman offers practical, compassionate strategies for protecting children during separation – speaking positively about your ex, maintaining consistency between households, and seeking professional support.
Whether you're navigating divorce, supporting someone who is, or processing your own experience as a child of divorced parents, this conversation offers validation, clarity and a roadmap for breaking destructive patterns. As Dr. Waldman wisely concludes: "You have to put the kids' needs first."

👉 Grab your FREE Audio Training: Get Unstuck- 3 Strategies to Break Free from Unhealthy Patterns

👉 Follow me on social @notyourtherapist.kayla

👉 Ask me a question [email protected]

Chapters

1. Introduction and Dr. Waldman's Background (00:00:00)

2. Healthy vs. Toxic Divorces (00:02:42)

3. Parental Alienation and Its Effects (00:05:28)

4. The Loyalty Squeeze Children Experience (00:10:47)

5. Collaborative Divorce and Better Approaches (00:20:14)

6. "Sins" of Divorcing Parents (00:27:18)

7. Dating After Divorce and Its Impacts (00:40:33)

8. Practical Tips for Supporting Children (00:47:37)

9. Final Advice and Episode Closing (00:52:50)