Understanding How You (and the People You Love) React to Expectations with The Four Tendencies

Pretty Over Perfect

Today we're discussing Gretchen Rubin's The Four Tendencies - an idea she puts forth about how people tend to react to both inner and outer expectations, whether they readily meet them or tend to resist. As with any method of categorizing how people approach the world, we find this helpful for understanding how we (and the people we love) end up in the same situations over and over again.

The Four Tendencies are

• The Upholder, who readily meets inner and outer expectations, but has a hard time letting themselves off the hook for anything (even when it makes sense to do so)
• The Obliger, who readily meets outer expectations, but may struggle to stick to goals they've set for themselves
• The Rebel, who questions both inner and outer expectations and may have a hard time being accountable to anyone
• The Questioner, who wants to thoroughly investigate any outer expectation before making it an inner one, which they will often stick to

We need all of these approaches to the world to make it go round. We each rely on the other strengths to smooth over our weaknesses and vice versa.

To find out your tendency, take the quiz here.

To read a quick overview of the book, check out this summary by Alex Chen.