The Growth You Didn’t Know You Were Having – Post Traumatic Growth After Stroke

Recovery After Stroke

Discovering Post Traumatic Growth: How Stroke Recovery Can Lead to a Deeper, More Purposeful Life

When I first began recovering from my three brain hemorrhages and brain surgery, I didn’t know there was such a thing as post-traumatic growth. I had never heard the term before. All I knew was that I was dealing with grief, anxiety, confusion, and the loss of the identity I once had. Like so many stroke survivors, I felt like life as I knew it had been flipped upside down.

But something else was happening, quietly, in the background. Even in the darkest times, I started noticing small shifts—signs that something deeper was unfolding. I was growing, even when I didn’t know it.

What Is Post Traumatic Growth?

Post traumatic growth (PTG) is a concept developed by psychologists Richard Tedeschi and Lawrence Calhoun in the mid-1990s. It refers to the positive psychological changes that can occur as a result of struggling with trauma. It’s not about bouncing back. It’s more about bouncing forward—finding meaning, purpose, and a new identity because of what you’ve been through.

It’s personal. Trauma looks different for everyone. For some, it’s a stroke. For others, it might be the death of a loved one, a diagnosis, or a major life upheaval. What matters is how it shakes you—how it overwhelms your ability to cope in that moment.

And what matters even more is what can come after.

PTG Is Not the Opposite of PTSD

It’s important to understand that post-traumatic growth is not the opposite of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). In fact, they can exist together.

PTSD often brings flashbacks, anxiety, fear, and reliving the trauma. Post-traumatic growth, on the other hand, brings meaning, strength, gratitude, and connection. It’s not that the struggle disappears—it’s that, in the middle of it, new possibilities begin to take shape.

You can grieve and grow at the same time. You can be hurting and healing. And even if no one’s ever told you this before—you can be changing for the better, even in the middle of pain.

The 5 Domains of Post Traumatic Growth

Tedeschi and Calhoun identified five key domains where growth can occur after trauma. I didn’t know these existed when I was recovering, but I can now see how each one of them showed up in my life after stroke.

1. Appreciation for Life

After nearly dying, I became more grateful for the smallest things. The noise my kids made. The dinners we shared. The fact that I was still alive to witness their lives unfold. Before my stroke, I took a lot for granted. Now, I take very little.

2. New Possibilities

Before stroke, I wasn’t the kind of person to start a podcast, write a book, or speak publicly about my experiences. But during recovery, I said yes to new opportunities. Life opened up. I tried things I’d never done before. And in doing that, I met people, found a voice, and created a new version of myself.

3. Personal Strength

Like many survivors, I once thought, “I could never get through something like that.” But when you’re backed into a corner, strength shows up. I found a part of me that could get through anything. A resilient, determined version of me I didn’t know existed.

4. Improved Relationships

Some relationships deepened—especially with my wife and kids. Others faded away. I created new boundaries, said sorry when I needed to, and began to connect more honestly with the people I love. Stroke helped me become a better husband and father.

5. Spiritual or Existential Change

I started asking big questions. Why me? And the answer came quickly: Why not me? I realized that life wasn’t guaranteed to be easy or fair. That truth woke me up. It helped me stumble into my purpose—supporting other stroke survivors—and led to the work I now do through my podcast, book, and coaching.

Signs That You Might Be Experiencing Post Traumatic Growth

You don’t have to check every box, and it doesn’t all happen at once. But here are some signs that PTG might be unfolding in your life:

• You feel more grateful, even on the hard days.
  
• Your values and priorities have shifted.
  
• You’re more present in small moments with friends or loved ones.
  
• You’ve started asking deeper questions about your life and purpose.
  
• You’ve found strength in yourself you didn’t know was there.
  

How to Support Your Own Growth After Stroke

Here are a few things that helped me—and might help you too:

• Reflect: Journal or record voice notes about how you’re feeling.
  
• Connect: Join a support group or talk to another stroke survivor.
  
• Get Support: Speak to a therapist or counselor who understands trauma.
  
• Celebrate Small Wins: Don’t wait for massive milestones. Celebrate the small ones—they matter.
  
• Be Kind to Yourself: You don’t have to rush this. Growth is messy. It’s also worth it.
  

You Don’t Need to Go Back

So many people say they want to get back to who they were before their stroke. I get that. But I also believe that the person you are becoming might be someone even more powerful, compassionate, aware, and purposeful.

You don’t need to go back. You’re already on your way forward.

Discovering Post Traumatic Growth: How Stroke Recovery Can Lead to a Deeper, More Purposeful Life

Post-traumatic growth is more than survival—it’s transformation. Discover how stroke recovery can lead to purpose, strength, and renewed life.

Highlights:

00:00 Understanding Post-Traumatic Growth
02:22 Differences Between PTSD and Post-Traumatic Growth
04:45 The Five Domains of Post-Traumatic Growth
11:57 Spiritual or Existential Change and Finding Purpose
16:27 Signs of Post-Traumatic Growth and Practical Tips
23:18 Growing Into Somebody New

Transcript:

Understanding Post-Traumatic Growth

Bill Gasiamis 0:00
One of the topics I’ve wanted to talk about now in a little more detail for a while, is post traumatic growth. It is a topic that I touched on briefly in my book, because ultimately, that’s what my book is all about. It’s all about post traumatic growth after a serious health incident. In my case, post-traumatic growth after three brain hemorrhages and surgery. And post-traumatic growth is basically positive growth after trauma.

Bill Gasiamis 0:33
It is not bouncing back per se. It’s more like moving forward or bouncing forward, and it is based on real psychological research done by Lawrence Calhoun and Richard Tedeschi in the mid 1990s so trauma is personal. What is traumatic to me may not be traumatic for you. It’s basically anything that overwhelms your ability to cope. It can be emotional, it can be physical, or it can be mental. My story was pretty dramatic at the beginning, and what I didn’t know was that I was going through post-traumatic growth while I didn’t know about it. I didn’t know that it was happening.

Bill Gasiamis 1:20
It was occurring in my life, but I didn’t know that it was happening, and I had nobody to tell me that even though I was going through a really terrible time and things were difficult, there was definitely post traumatic growth occurring, and it would have been nice to know it so I was struggling with grief, Anxiety and identity life, just like most stroke survivors. And at some point though, I started to notice changes, like a deeper appreciation for life. The thing about it is I didn’t know that that meant anything special.

Differences Between PTSD and Post-Traumatic Growth

Bill Gasiamis 1:55
Although it was oddly obviously special to experiencing appreciation for life, perhaps something I hadn’t reflected on before, but it wasn’t something that was at the top of my mind. I was doing it without being mindful, without being aware of the fact that I was appreciative. I mean, I nearly died, so I was just appreciative that I was alive and that I was still going to be around my family and my children. So Tedeschi and Calhoun coined the term post-traumatic growth in the 1990s and they found that trauma can lead to transformation.

Bill Gasiamis 2:35
And they identified the five domains of post-traumatic growth now. PTSD and P, T, G, post-traumatic growth are not the same thing, and they are not opposites of each other. They are different. For example, PTSD equals fear, anxiety and flashbacks, and a lot of the people who experience PTSD describe it as being right there in the moment when the traumatic event took place. They’re reliving it on a regular basis, or in times and moments. That’s unexpected.

Bill Gasiamis 3:17
Now, post-traumatic growth equals a deeper meaning. It means gaining strength and finding deeper connections with other people that you didn’t have before. And what’s really interesting about it is that you can experience post-traumatic growth at the same time as you are experiencing PTSD. So because PTSD is not something that you’re constantly, always going through, it has moments of calmness. In those moments of calmness, people may not be aware that they are experiencing post traumatic growth, and that from time to time.

Bill Gasiamis 3:59
The post-traumatic growth is provides sort of like a buffer between the previous traumatic triggering moment to the next traumatic triggering moment, but they can coexist together. So the growth in post-traumatic growth doesn’t mean that the struggle goes away that the struggle is over. It means that in amongst the struggle, call them the dark times, or the difficult times, there are moments of light, there are moments of overcoming, there are moments of fighting back. There are moments of getting better and growing. You can breathe and grow at the same time.

The Five Domains of Post-Traumatic Growth

Bill Gasiamis 4:42
So it’s not like you have to pause one thing and do the other thing. No, you can go through grief of losing the life you once had, but you can be very happy that you are achieving new things or overcoming challenges or seeing positive changes in. Your recovery and getting further ahead in your recovery than you were before. Okay, so let’s talk a little bit about the five domains of post-traumatic growth. So the five domains of post-traumatic growth are as follows. First, it is appreciation for life.

Bill Gasiamis 5:17
So basically, the little things about them all I went through that when I started to realize how lucky I was to be at home after the first second and third blades, and to be still alive and to have access to all the tools that I had access to to help me in my recovery journey. I also appreciated the little things more, like the kids being around and making noises and complaining and whinging and being teenagers while they were in the house that I was in recovery. See, they are things that I didn’t think about I would miss if I wasn’t around.

Bill Gasiamis 5:57
And now that they have grown up in the last 10 years and moved out, I often reflect back to the time when I was grateful that they were upstairs and making the noises in the middle of the night like teenagers would, and they’re not there at home doing that anymore. So I very much am aware of those little things that I’m more appreciative about now, when they come home and we interact at dinner and we sit together as a family once more, it’s an amazing time. It’s probably the most fun time I could experience in my week, all the four of us, my wife, my two boys, being together.

Bill Gasiamis 6:39
It really is something that I appreciate more than I’ve ever appreciated it before stroke, I was just not aware that those were important things. I thought that they were silly things that kids did, and I had to make sure that they didn’t step out of line and that they didn’t do them at all, rather than being understanding and giving them an opportunity to be children while trying to express my needs for them to not be so rowdy.

Bill Gasiamis 7:12
I used to get really angry, and I used to get really upset with the fact that they were up there being teenagers like as if I wasn’t any different when I was growing up and when I was a teenager, they were just being normal, and I was seeing it through the lens of a grumpy old man. One of the other things that happened for me was that I started to see new possibilities that weren’t there for me before. The old me is not this guy. The guy before stroke is not the guy that goes around creating vlogs.

Bill Gasiamis 7:49
The guy before the stroke is not the guy that has a podcast, has written a book, taught talk publicly about stroke and stroke recovery. Had the opportunity to raise awareness about stroke, the old me wasn’t that kind of guy, and all of a sudden, during my stroke recovery, I started to see these new possibilities. I’m not sure what it was, but I made the decision to start having experiences that I’d never experienced before. Perhaps I was afraid to experience it. Perhaps I didn’t know if I would be judged if I experienced those things. I’m not sure why I never did them.

Bill Gasiamis 8:31
They weren’t in my radar. So when the opportunity came up after stroke, I thought, I’m going to experience life, all sorts of life, different versions of life, that I’ve never experienced before. And I was looking forward to be in a position where something new would come my way, and as a result, new things came my way. I was on the radio. I was on television being interviewed for the news. I was involved in a television commercial for the health insurance provider Bupa. On behalf of the Stroke Foundation.

Bill Gasiamis 9:05
I represented the Stroke Foundation at the Cancer Council, where they were talking about the risks of stroke and smoking. I just did all these things. New possibilities were coming out of everywhere. And the truth is, perhaps they were before, but before I would be most likely saying, No, that’s not for me, or I don’t do those kind of things. I didn’t have an identity that was curious and was willing to do something new, because I was afraid of judgment. I was afraid what other people would say, and I didn’t want to experience that.

Bill Gasiamis 9:44
And that probably leads to the next domain, which is personal strength that I found a way to make it through. And I experienced this resilience that I hadn’t had before. You know, when you come across somebody. That says I don’t know how I would cope if I had to go through the things that you went through with your stroke. I used to be one of those guys, oh man, you’re amazing. You can do that. I don’t think I could cope if I was going through what you were going through.

Bill Gasiamis 10:16
Well, back into a corner and with no other choice, I found personal strength that I didn’t have before I was able to grip my teeth and get tough and find a way to get through all of the difficult times. And that was an amazing thing for me to become aware that I was doing, because I never thought it was possible for me to be such a strong guy, one of the things that also came, which is the next domain, is improved relationships, so closer connections with my loved ones and people that I appreciated being in my life.

Bill Gasiamis 10:58
And then new boundaries with people that perhaps were a little difficult for me to have around in my life and weren’t really adding value. Maybe they were the relationship was all about them, and my decision to create boundaries around myself with people like that improved my recovery, my relations improved in lots of areas, firstly, with my children. I even went out of my way to apologize for all the silly things that I had done as a parent in the past before I become a stroke survivor. I The relationship between my wife and I improved and strengthened.

Spiritual or Existential Change and Finding Purpose

Bill Gasiamis 11:48
Because whatever it was that we had been through before stroke, it was nothing compared to what we were going through now, even at the time when I was in my hardest place, she was always around there. She was supporting me, and often she was supporting me by putting herself second. And that made me realize how loyal she was, and that helped to improve my connection with my wife. And it was an amazing experience. Again, I didn’t know that this was part of post traumatic growth.

Bill Gasiamis 12:25
Now, the final domain, the fifth domain, and these domains are in no particular order, was spiritual or existential change, and people who go through something traumatic will often rethink their beliefs and their life’s purpose, and I was definitely rethinking my life’s purpose. Now my beliefs didn’t change much, but I asked myself, just briefly. I asked myself, Why me? And then the quick response that I got the answer was, why not me? And that response that why not me? Response was the one that really got me moving into a different positive direction.

Bill Gasiamis 13:10
I realized that I wasn’t somebody special, that I was going to go through life without being impacted negatively by something in my life, I realized I was not the kind of person who was going to be unscathed about life, if you like. And that kind of made me grow up a little bit, and it made me realize that I need to, I need to prepare for the worst. I need to expect the best, but prepare for the worst, and that’s what I went about doing.

Bill Gasiamis 13:46
I went about preparing myself for the worst possible situation so that I would be in a better position to respond positively if I had ever found myself in a negative situation. Again, my spiritual beliefs didn’t change much. I didn’t attend church more or anything like that, but I did wonder and consider whether or not there was a God and what God had in store for me. And I did accidentally stumble into my purpose. And I didn’t realize that I was stumbling into my purpose.

Bill Gasiamis 14:21
I didn’t realize that I was going down that path at all, but all the steps I made to connect with stroke survivors. Share my story, share the things that I had learnt about stroke and stroke recovery, meet new people, start the podcast and share about the book made me realize that I was on my on my purpose, that I had found my purpose in life, and I thought that I had a purpose in life before stroke, which was my family and my children, but that was quite a shallow purpose. Is clearly very important to have that part of your life as part of your overall purpose, but it’s too narrow.

Bill Gasiamis 15:09
It’s only about me and them. It’s not about other people. And I think everybody’s purpose in life is really something that emerges by doing something for somebody that you expect nothing in return for and while you are doing these things, you might find yourself on purpose, but it’s not what you set out to do. So overthinking it and trying to come up with, why am I on this planet? What’s the point of being on this planet is not going to help you find your purpose. You’re going to find your purpose by basically just doing things to help other people that you expect nothing back in return.

Signs of Post-Traumatic Growth and Practical Tips

Bill Gasiamis 15:52
And I found my purpose. And it was around episode 70, when I really had that aha moment, and I said, I think strokes the best thing that happened to me, because all these five domains of post-traumatic growth had become apparent to me. I had appreciation for life. I was exploring new possibilities. My personal strength was stronger and more resilient than ever before. My relationships had improved, and I had experienced spiritual growth and existential growth, I started to discover my why, and that was something that I had never stumbled across before.

Bill Gasiamis 16:33
Even though I didn’t realize that those five things make it that I even though I didn’t realize that those five things are part of post-traumatic growth, because I didn’t have the term or the word for it yet, that’s exactly what it was that I experienced. So you may have noticed in this video that you are experiencing some of the signs of post-traumatic growth. You may have noticed that your values and priorities after stroke have shifted, and so they should it really should be about you.

Bill Gasiamis 17:14
It really should be about you finding the path forward that is going to make sure that you have a fantastic recovery, that you have growth, that you make meaning, that you find a way to give meaning to this situation that you found yourself in. You may have noticed that you have new perspectives in life that you see things way differently than you had ever seen before, and you may have noticed that you are more grateful or mindful even on the tough days. You know being mindful of the tough days might be that you’re at a coffee with a friend.

Bill Gasiamis 17:59
And instead of being distracted and paying attention elsewhere and looking on your phone, what you are is your present. You’re in the moment, and your appreciation for being in conversation with that person is something that you hadn’t practiced before. You hadn’t paid attention to the fact that you were still able to attend to your friends, be at an amazing place, experiencing a deep conversation, and that that is important part of life, that that is a very important part of life, you may just be going through the motions previously.

Bill Gasiamis 18:40
And now you’re realizing that even those small moments of somebody reaching out and asking you, How can they support you or help you during those difficult days make things better, and they are signs that you are already growing. So I want you to reflect back on your life and pay attention to whether or not you’re ticking any of those boxes, so that you can be aware that you might be growing. So if you want to get some momentum in shifting between a PTSD type of experience to more post-traumatic growth.

Bill Gasiamis 19:21
These are a few things that might help you take that step a little further than where you already are in your recovery. So you might want to reflect on your experience, your daily experiencing, by having a journal or by making voice notes if you can’t write, and by having some quiet time where there are no distractions and you can just sift through your thoughts and pay attention to what’s coming in and out of your head, you may want to talk to somebody. And by that, I mean you may in. May be as simple as peer support.

Bill Gasiamis 20:01
Just get in touch with other stroke survivors and share experiences and understand what it is that they’re going through, and see where the similarities are, and maybe get some understanding of how they’re dealing with the situation that they’re in. But then also you might want to get professional support, which is something that I did a lot of I got professional support, and I spent a lot of time in therapy. Because what I found with therapy was it’s non-judgmental. I can go there as myself, and if the counselor is any good, they will allow me to be myself.

Bill Gasiamis 20:38
They won’t judge me, and they will allow me to express myself in all the weird and wonderful ways that I might and perhaps offer things for me to reflect on, and tips and tools to help me look at the way that I’m going about my life, perhaps to look at the way that I’m talking to myself, support me In changing some of the conversations that I’m having having in my head, and give me an understanding of why people behave the way that they do after stroke, and not just me, but also the people around me.

Bill Gasiamis 21:11
For some people, they didn’t really go about behaving in an appropriate way after stroke, and instead of getting annoyed and upset with them, what would have been a better thing for me to do was try and understand them and not take it personally and even forgive them, perhaps not to their face, but in my own quiet time, forgive them and let them know that I understand that their response is actually more about them than it has than it is about me. One of the other things you can do is you can celebrate the small wins. This is really, really important and super helpful.

Bill Gasiamis 21:56
By celebrating the small wins, what you are doing is you are reminding yourself that you are moving forward, and by looking for small things to celebrate, they are going to be much easier for you to find, because stroke recovery is not linear. You are going to have days that are good, days that are bad. You’re going to have up days and down days your stroke, sometimes will feel like you’re taking one step forward and two steps back. So celebrating the small wins is really important. Those little, small wins accumulate, and they become a lot of wins over a long period of time.

Bill Gasiamis 22:34
And you should focus on long term, the long term win, where you’ve come in three months, six months, 12 months, not what happened day to day. It’s too short of a time to pay attention to how your recovery is going, because you might be paying attention on a day when things were were not so good, where you weren’t feeling great, and you felt like recovery wasn’t going forward, and there’s no point on focusing on those days. Finally, I just want to say that growth is messy and worth it. You don’t have to go back to the person you were before the traumatic event.

Growing Into Somebody New

Bill Gasiamis 23:18
In fact, I wouldn’t recommend it. That person is living a false sense of security is unaware that they need to be prepared for things that might happen in their life. They’re going around living blissfully unaware. And while that may seem like a good idea, and means that sometimes that can catch us out and being blissfully unaware gets in the way of us responding in an appropriate manner to a traumatic event. Post Traumatic Growth is about growing into somebody new. Bring the old person with you on that journey, they can help you inform the way forward.

Bill Gasiamis 24:06
And it’s important to combine the old identity with the new identity so you can grow into an enhanced version of yourself, even though you have been wounded, traumatized, injured, it doesn’t matter. It’s really important to honor your process, because everyone’s process is what gets them to the place where they can achieve amazing and wonderful things. Your process is yours. It’s unique. Allow it to unfold. Get curious about how it’s unfolding. If you like this video, please do me a favor. Leave a comment below. Let me know what you think.

Bill Gasiamis 24:55
Are you experiencing post-traumatic growth? Have you. You made some of the steps already towards post-traumatic growth. Were you unaware of whether or not you were experiencing post-traumatic growth? I’d love to hear from you. Please leave a comment below, like and share the video, see you on the next one you.

The post The Growth You Didn’t Know You Were Having – Post Traumatic Growth After Stroke appeared first on Recovery After Stroke.