How to De-escalate High-Stakes Conflicts at Work

Speak In Flow

Every interaction, from conversations with friends to managing conflicts at work, is a form of negotiation and mediation. But how do we handle these conversations when emotions are running high? In this episode, Melinda Lee sits down with Jonathan Cayton, an experienced mediator, to unpack practical strategies for de-escalating tension, fostering understanding, and leading with empathy, even in the most charged moments.

In This Episode, You Will Learn:

De-Escalation Over Combat

When conversations heat up, resist matching energy. Instead, aim to simplify, stay calm, and listen actively.

“That’s Right” vs. “You’re Right”

The goal is not to "win" but to make the other person feel heard. Notice the subtle difference between these phrases; one builds bridges, and the other shuts doors.

Meditation Is Everywhere

From coffee shops to boardrooms, we’re constantly negotiating and mediating. Recognizing these moments helps us navigate them intentionally.

Lead from the Front

Jonathan’s top leadership advice is to "lead from the front." Leaders should be visibly involved and ready to participate actively alongside their team. This hands-on approach builds confidence, courage, and respect among team members.

Memorable Quotes:

“The most powerful question in any conversation is why.”

“Lead from the front. If you want trust, show up where the work happens.”

“‘That’s right’ means they feel heard. ‘You’re right’ means they’re done talking.”

Connect with Jonathan Cayton

LinkedIn Profile: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jonathan-cayton-47847091/

Official website: https://hoaombuds.com/

About the Guest:

Jonathan Cayton is a seasoned mediator, litigator, and former prosecutor with extensive experience resolving high-stakes disputes in a variety of legal areas. His career spans the representation of individuals, businesses, and public entities, both in and out of the courtroom.

Today, he combines practical wisdom with academic insight as an adjunct professor at Chapman University's Dale E. Fowler School of Law, where he coaches students in trial advocacy, appellate advocacy, and mediation competitions.

Fun-facts:

• A U.S. Marine Corps veteran, Jon served as an infantry rifleman in Suicide Charley, 1st Battalion, 7th Marines before law school.
• Jonathan loves fishing, shooting sporting clays, and tinkering in his garage.

About Melinda:

Melinda Lee is a Presentation Skills Expert, Speaking Coach, and nationally renowned Motivational Speaker. She holds an M.A. in Organizational Psychology, is an Insights Practitioner, and is a Certified Professional in Talent Development as well as Certified in Conflict Resolution. For over a decade, Melinda has researched and studied the state of “flow” and used it as a proven technique to help corporate leaders and business owners amplify their voices, access flow, and present their mission in a more powerful way to achieve results.

She has been the TEDx Berkeley Speaker Coach and has worked with hundreds of executives and teams from Facebook, Google, Microsoft, Caltrans, Bay Area Rapid Transit System, and more. Currently, she lives in San Francisco, California, and is breaking the ancestral lineage of silence.

Website: https://speakinflow.com/

Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/speakinflow

Instagram: https://instagram.com/speakinflow

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mpowerall

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