7. SCHOOL SERIES: The Great Gaslighting: When Schools Say We Don’t See It

ADHD Mums

What happens when schools insist your child is fine - but everything in your gut says otherwise?

In this powerful instalment of our school mini-series, Jane is joined again by Millie Carr - teacher, parent, and neurodivergent advocate - to unpack one of the most maddening experiences families face: being gaslit by educators who don’t “see” the struggle.

If you’ve ever been told your child is “fine” at school while managing meltdowns, shutdowns, or burnout at home, this one will hit hard. Jane shares a deeply personal story of leaving a school that refused to acknowledge her daughter’s invisible needs - and Millie breaks down exactly why high-masking kids get overlooked, and what parents can do when they’re dismissed.

Together, they explore:

• Why girls and high-masking kids are so often missed
• The damaging impact of visible vs invisible disability bias
• What to say in IEP meetings when schools won’t listen
• Why anxiety is often misdiagnosed when it’s really about unmet needs
• How PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance) is misunderstood in schools—and what helps instead

This episode will validate your fury, your heartbreak, and your instincts. You’re not imagining it. You’re not overreacting. And you’re not alone.

Listen If:

• You’ve been told “we don’t see it” and felt dismissed
• Your child is different at school than at home—and no one believes you
• You’re exhausted from advocating and need to feel seen
• You want practical strategies for navigating resistant schools

Other Episodes with Millie Carr

• S1 E41: Camouflaging ADHD + Autistic Traits in Girls with Millie Carr | Spotify | Apple Podcast
• S3 E2: SCHOOL SERIES When School Becomes the Trauma — What No One Tells ADHD Parents | Spotify | Apple Podcast
• S3 E3: SCHOOL SERIES When School Becomes the Trauma — What No One Tells ADHD Parents | Spotify | Apple Podcast

Episode on PDA:

S2E30: Could it be PDA? Exploring the signs and why it’s different from ODD with Prof Tony Attwood and Dr Michelle Garnett | Spotify | Apple Podcast

🔗 Resources & Links:

• 🔗 Sign our Change Petition here

  🎧 Listener Questions please send here

  🔗 Submit your experience with schooling here

  🔗 ADHD Mums Free Guides and Resources here

  📚 References & Further Reading

  • Disability Standards for Education 2005
    Read via the Department of Education – Australian Government

  • Disability Discrimination Act 1992
    View the full legislation on the Federal Register

• Disability & Education Laws Referenced (Qld Human Rights Act, DSE 2005, UN CRPD)
• 👩‍⚖️ Human Rights Commission: humanrights.gov.au

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Topics Covered In This Episode:

Invisible disabilities, ADHD girls, autism masking, high masking, school gaslighting, inclusion in education, IEP meetings, neurodiversity in schools, Pathological Demand Avoidance, PDA strategies, school refusal, trauma-informed schools, advocating for neurodivergent kids, ADHD parenting, neurodivergent burnout, federal disability education law, ADHD girls dismissed, reasonable adjustments school, ADHD Mums podcast

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