EP 40: Interview with Amanda Asproni: What is Enmeshment and How Does it Affect Affair Recovery Work?

Sam's Healing Podcast

Enmeshment is a term from psychology that describes a relationship dynamic where personal boundaries are overly blurred, and people become emotionally over-involved with each other. It often happens in families or close relationships, where one person's emotions, needs, or identity are heavily entangled with another's, to the point that individual autonomy is lost.

For example, a parent might rely on their child for emotional support inappropriately, or feel threatened when the child seeks independence. It can feel like you're not allowed to have your own thoughts, feelings, or choices without it affecting—or being controlled by—someone else.

Enmeshment makes it hard for a betrayed spouse to understand their partner’s infidelity because their emotional world is so intertwined with their partner’s that the betrayal doesn’t just hurt—it shatters their sense of reality.

Today you'll hear from Amanda Asproni, an expert in both affair recovery and enmeshment who has not only lived through this enmeshment but has also found freedom and healing from both enmeshment and betrayal trauma.

Here’s why it’s so hard to heal from betrayal trauma when enmeshment has further complicated the healing process:

No “separate self” to fall back on: In an enmeshed relationship, the betrayed spouse may not have a strong sense of individual identity outside the relationship. So when their partner cheats, it feels like their own identity is being torn apart. It’s not just "You hurt me", it’s "Who even am I if you did this?"

Extreme cognitive dissonance: In enmeshed dynamics, the relationship is often idealized. So the idea that the partner could cheat feels impossible to reconcile—it doesn’t fit the internal narrative. Instead of thinking, "You made a choice I don’t understand," the betrayed spouse might think, "I must have missed something huge, or this is somehow my fault."

Over-identification with the other: They may focus more on why their partner cheated (looking to fix or understand them), instead of processing their own hurt. There’s often a compulsion to keep the relationship intact—even if it means bypassing their own emotions or truth.

Emotional fusion blocks objectivity: When feelings are so closely linked, it’s hard to step back and evaluate the situation clearly. The betrayed spouse may feel their partner’s pain more than their own, or become obsessed with “making sense of it” to ease the chaos inside.

At its core, enmeshment turns betrayal into an identity crisis rather than just a relational rupture—which makes understanding the infidelity way more painful and confusing.

While entanglement can be overwhelming, there is way out and there is a pathway to healing for you and your own journey.

Keep Going, Sam

To contact Amanda Asproni please email her at [email protected] To contact Sam please email him at [email protected]