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#11 Letting Go of the Past: Dr. Fred Luskin on the Art and Science of Forgiveness
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Host Scott Reich speaks with Dr. Fred Luskin, director of The Stanford University Forgiveness Project, to explore the true meaning and power of forgiveness. Dr. Luskin shares his personal journey from bitterness and self-pity to healing, revealing the strategies he developed not only through research but through his own life experiences. Together, they unpack why forgiveness is often easier to understand than it is to practice, how self-pity and anger hold us back, and the concrete steps we can take to let go of old hurts. Whether you’re wrestling with a difficult relationship, personal disappointment, or just trying to move on from the past, this episode offers insight, practical tools, and hope for finding peace—and even growth—on the other side of pain. Tune in for a thought-provoking conversation on how we can set ourselves free by changing the stories we tell and the way we relate to our struggles.
Our Guest:
Dr. Fred Luskin
Listeners will Learn:
● Fred Luskin speaks about the toxic combination of anger and self-pity.
● Fred’s personal journey with forgiveness began after a friend betrayed him and
his wife called out his bitterness.
● The discussion highlights that forgiveness is not about condoning the past but
about reclaiming the present.
● Fred mentions two critical insights: the power to choose what you pay attention
to, and accepting that relationships can change over time.
● Gratitude is described as the first key step towards forgiveness.
● Practical ways to calm your nervous system when you’re emotionally upset.
● The idea of changing your internal narrative from “victim” to someone with
“agency” is discussed as central to forgiveness.
● Fred said that “forgiveness is not the same as reconciling.”
● The episode touches on societal anger and divisiveness.
● For parents and mentors, Fred emphasizes that modeling forgiveness is far more
important than simply teaching it.
Key Moments:
(00:00) Forgiveness Transformed My Life
(04:30) Path to Forgiveness: A Personal Journey
(09:44) Redefining Friendship Through Adversity
(12:52) Let Go of Expectations
(15:46) Pathways to Forgiveness
(18:13) Gradual Recovery After Trauma
(22:59) The Physical Impact of Grudges
(26:04) Rethinking Forgiveness and Tolerance
(31:01) Mindful Forgiveness and Self-Awareness
(32:25) Power of Moving Past Pain
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