The Rejection Fantasy: How Your Mind Destroys Confidence

Shrink For The Shy Guy

If you ever feel anxious when interacting with others—whether you're sharing your thoughts, speaking up, or simply being seen—you're likely running a powerful, hidden pattern. In this episode, we’ll uncover what that pattern is, how it silently runs the show, and how to break free from it.

Dr. Aziz shares a transformative insight about the story we tell ourselves—“they don’t like me”—and how this subtle but constant belief fuels anxiety, guilt, and people-pleasing. You’ll learn how to spot when this belief is activated, why it’s totally made up, and what to do to shift into a more confident, grounded state.

Get ready to break free from the fear of being disliked, stop bracing for rejection, and start showing up with more authenticity and peace.

Listen now and learn how to stop assuming you're being judged—and start being yourself.
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The pattern we’re talking about is imagining. It’s that inner feeling and the mental story that comes with it, usually subconscious, that creates anxiety in social, professional, or creative situations. You might not consciously think, “They’re going to hate me,” but your body, your nervous system, and your emotions respond as if it’s real. You feel discomfort, tension, and even dread because you’re imagining people being upset, disappointed, or disgusted with you. This pattern is incredibly common and is the root of chronic guilt, social anxiety, and discomfort around putting yourself out there.

The critical thing to understand is that this anxiety is self-generated. Those images of people rejecting you, being disappointed, or hating you are largely hallucinations created by your own mind. Recognizing that you are generating this story is the first step toward liberation. Once you see it, you can start breaking the hold it has over you.

There’s a part of you that Dr. Aziz calls the “safety police.” This part hates uncertainty and discomfort, so it predicts the worst-case scenario for everyone at all times. It’s trying to protect you from pain, like the rare instance of someone disliking you, by keeping you socially guarded all the time. The problem is that it overprotects. It creates the illusion that everyone might be judging or hating you, which makes life feel heavy, limiting, and anxious.

You cannot control other people’s opinions, but you can cultivate internal certainty. You can know who you are, recognize your value, and be confident that you’ll be okay regardless of how others react. This is the form of certainty that frees you to take social risks without chronic anxiety. When you anchor in internal certainty, you stop needing to predict or control the reactions of everyone around you.

Awareness is the key to freedom. You must catch this pattern in the moment. Notice when your mind is spinning the story that everyone dislikes you. Audit your life to see where this is happening—whether it’s emails, calls, meetings, or social interactions—and consciously step into action despite the discomfort. Ask yourself, “If I were fearless, what would I do?” Make a list of the actions that anxiety currently prevents you from taking. Then, start small. Send that email, make that call, speak up in the meeting. Remind yourself: “I bring value. I am okay either way.” This internal certainty shifts your nervous system and your experience entirely.

As Dr. Aziz says, “You are making it up. Your nervous system is responding to a hallucination.” When you change this pattern, you create a whole different experience socially and in your inner confidence. The mindset you want to practice is simple but powerful: “I’ll be okay either way.” Step into action, notice the story your mind is telling, and anchor yourself in your value and resilience. That is where true confidence begins.