Step #1 – My Enlightenment (Part 2 )

Steps to the Spirit

I left off in the last episode or podcast where I was headed into the Army. After running away from home and having a couple of minor run-ins with the law I wanted to get away my parents thought it might be a really good idea for the Army to “straighten me out”. It did not work! I guess I really saw the Army has one big drinking club. I somehow ended up as a military policeman. Basically the Army took a 17-year-old alcoholic and gave him a 45 and a carbine, and sent them off to work. I was lucky I didn’t kill someone because, of course, I could never be trusted to not be drinking.

After leaving the service, my life developed a pattern. The details were different in each episode, but the overall scenario was the same. I started off somewhere, possibly at my parents home, or in some state that I ended up in, and began all over again. I would find a job, that I may or may not have been qualified to do, (I sometimes lied about my experiences, but I had the ability to adapt and learn just about any job), and usually do well at the job. I was always likable, at least if I was sober. I always concurrently was involved with 12-step program where I went through the motions, but never truly participated in.

Eventually, the connections that I made with people, and the usual success in doing whatever job I had acquired, became too much for me. The whole mask and armor thing was too much to bear. I have described it in other writings as being similar to a pressure boiler with water inside, fire below, and steam pressure building up. There was an outlet valve to release the pressure, but unfortunately that relief valve for me was alcohol and escape. In a nutshell, my life became a series of good starts, some success, meeting new friends, and eventually through drinking, tearing the rug out from under myself.