119: Redefining Success and Identity After 50 with Deborah Heiser

Take Back Retirement

“Generativity. Think of it as generating something from yourself and putting it into the world.”

Our hosts, Stephanie McCullough and Kevin Gaines, explore the positive side of aging with Dr. Deborah Heiser, an applied developmental psychologist who pivoted from studying depression and Alzheimer's to researching what we actually have to look forward to as we age.

"You can run faster than me, but I'm happier than you."

Dr. Heiser's transformation began at a dinner party when someone challenged her: "What do we have to look forward to as we age? You are studying everything that scares us." This moment sparked her journey into understanding generativity—an emotional developmental milestone we reach in midlife where we feel compelled to give back and make our mark on the world.

The conversation reveals a powerful truth: we're biologically programmed to become happier and more fulfilled as we age. This isn't the superficial happiness of opening presents, but the deep satisfaction of asking "Did I matter?" and finding ways to generate impact. Whether through podcasting, volunteering, or passing down family recipes on grandmother's index cards, we're all engaging in mentorship, often without realizing it.

Dr. Heiser makes a crucial distinction between doing your job and true mentoring. A teacher advising students is working; mentoring happens outside the classroom, through voluntary emotional connections. Her book "The Mentorship Edge" helps readers recognize and quantify their impact, filling what she calls their "impact bank."

Most importantly, she reminds us that midlife identity shifts aren't crises but opportunities to pull forgotten aspects of ourselves from the back of the closet and engage parts of our identity we've neglected while surviving our earlier years.

Key Topics:

• Why We Get Happier as We Age (03:08)
• Understanding Generativity and the Difference Between Generous and Generative (11:07)
• Identity Shifts in Midlife (17:11)
• Family Traditions as Mentorship (22:53)
• Mentorship vs. Doing Your Job (23:30)
• Reframing Negative Perspectives on Aging (25:46)
• Stephanie and Kevin’s Wrap-Up (36:30)

Resources:

• Dr. Deborah Heiser on Psychology Today
• On LinkedIn
• Her Website
• The Mentorship Edge (book)

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You can find the transcript and more information about this episode at www.takebackretirement.com.

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