E. 3 - Self Care - Part 2: How does mental load factor into our need for self care?

That's So Deep

#Society #Parenting #Relationship #Podcasting Education #Kids And Families #Self-Improvement #Phyllis Wong #Conversations #Communication #Friendship #Community Which Builds #Loneliness #Feelings #Emotional Intelligence

17:27

Why do so many of us get nervous when public speaking? Communication expert Lawrence Bernstein says the key to dealing with the pressure is as simple as having a casual chat. He introduces the "coffee shop test" as a way to help you overcome nerves, connect with your audience and deliver a message that truly resonates. After the talk, Modupe explains a similar approach in academia called the "Grandma test," and how public speaking can be as simple as a conversation with grandma. Want to help shape TED’s shows going forward? Fill out our survey ! Become a TED Member today at https://ted.com/join Learn more about TED Next at ted.com/futureyou Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.…

4 years ago 31:33

MP3•Episode home

Hello So Deep Peeps!
And welcome to Part 2 of SELF CARE. In this episode, we go one layer deeper and begin to explore the reason behind our need for self care.

Some deep things we cover:

Why do we need self care to begin with? Phyllis and Julie unpack the concepts of “mental load” and “invisible labor”.
Why do we so often choose efficiency over community?
When we make our work look effortless, it erases our labor: How can we make the invisible labor visible to our partners and our family in a constructive way?
Do the same dynamics pop up in a same sex marriage? Julie shares her experience with her partner Amy.
Is it meal planning or is it nutritional management? Phyllis takes a deep dive into her children’s preferences for how they like their broccoli prepared.
Self Care and Privilege: Is self care only afforded to those who can afford it?

We want to have a conversation with you!

The whole point of this podcast is to facilitate and encourage deeper conversations and we want to hear from you! Please leave us messages, art, poetry, feedback, insights, vents, questions, possible topics...all of it!

Here is how you can reach us:

Voicemail: 805-288-0884

Email: sodeeppeeps@gmail.com

If you liked this podcast, give us a LIKE or a SHARE and if you don’t want to miss an episode, click that BELL so you can be notified right away when the next episode releases.

We love you and we can’t wait for our next deep conversation!

Love,

Phyllis and Julie

Things we referenced in the episode:

Octonauts - The Midnight Zone | Full Episodes | Cartoons for Kids: My kids love this show and this particular episode references the midnight zone.
You should've asked by Emma is an excellent comic that helps explain the “mental load.”
What Is The Mental Load? Women's Invisible Labor
Stop Calling Women Nags — How Emotional Labor is Dragging Down Gender Equality
The term “emotional labor” was first coined by sociologist Arlie Russell Hochschild in her book The Managed Heart by Arlie Russell Hochschild - Paperback
The Tyranny and Misogyny of Meal Planning - by Virginia Sole-Smith - Burnt Toast by Virginia Sole-Smith
Dude Perfect: My kids love this show with these 5 fun-loving friends who do trick shots and engage in all sorts of silliness.

30 episodes

E. 3 - Self Care - Part 2: How does mental load factor into our need for self care?

That's So Deep

published 4 years ago

MP3•Episode home

Hello So Deep Peeps!
And welcome to Part 2 of SELF CARE. In this episode, we go one layer deeper and begin to explore the reason behind our need for self care.

Some deep things we cover:

Why do we need self care to begin with? Phyllis and Julie unpack the concepts of “mental load” and “invisible labor”.
Why do we so often choose efficiency over community?
When we make our work look effortless, it erases our labor: How can we make the invisible labor visible to our partners and our family in a constructive way?
Do the same dynamics pop up in a same sex marriage? Julie shares her experience with her partner Amy.
Is it meal planning or is it nutritional management? Phyllis takes a deep dive into her children’s preferences for how they like their broccoli prepared.
Self Care and Privilege: Is self care only afforded to those who can afford it?

We want to have a conversation with you!

Here is how you can reach us:

Voicemail: 805-288-0884

Email: sodeeppeeps@gmail.com

If you liked this podcast, give us a LIKE or a SHARE and if you don’t want to miss an episode, click that BELL so you can be notified right away when the next episode releases.

We love you and we can’t wait for our next deep conversation!

Love,

Phyllis and Julie

Things we referenced in the episode:

Octonauts - The Midnight Zone | Full Episodes | Cartoons for Kids: My kids love this show and this particular episode references the midnight zone.
You should've asked by Emma is an excellent comic that helps explain the “mental load.”
What Is The Mental Load? Women's Invisible Labor
Stop Calling Women Nags — How Emotional Labor is Dragging Down Gender Equality
The term “emotional labor” was first coined by sociologist Arlie Russell Hochschild in her book The Managed Heart by Arlie Russell Hochschild - Paperback
The Tyranny and Misogyny of Meal Planning - by Virginia Sole-Smith - Burnt Toast by Virginia Sole-Smith
Dude Perfect: My kids love this show with these 5 fun-loving friends who do trick shots and engage in all sorts of silliness.

30 episodes

All episodes

That's So Deep

1
E. 30 Making Decisions: Are You a Satisficer or a Maximizer? 34:18

3 years ago34:18

34:18

Hello So Deep Peeps! Welcome to That’s So Deep . This is the podcast where we try to root out loneliness one conversation at a time. Today we are talking about Making Decisions: Are You A Satisficer or a Maximizer? Some deep things we cover: What kind of decision makers are Phyllis and Julie? How does people pleasing factor into decision making? Decision Fatigue: This occurs when there are too many options and your brain can’t quite process it all. Hard Choices vs. Big Choices: Not all big decisions are hard and not all small decisions are easy. “On Par” Decisions: Sometimes decisions are hard to make because what you’re choosing between have equal pros and cons. When Pros and Cons Fail to Help You Make a Decision…Try Ruth Chang’s “A.U.T.H.O.R.” Hack: A - Ascertain what matters in the choice U - Understand the pros and cons of the alternatives T - Tally up the pros and cons (these 3 steps lead you to agony so now you need more steps.) H - Home. Settle into the fact that this is a hard choice. O - Open yourself up to the possibility of making a commitment to this choice. R - Remake or Realize yourself as someone who has committed. Make yourself into someone who has the most reason to make this choice. 7. The worry of “Am I Making a Mistake?” can prevent us from making a decision: Getting in the “right” or “wrong” mindset can keep us stuck. 8. Who Can You Commit to Being? Might be a better question when making big life choices. 9. Are You a Maximizer or a Satisficer? Do you evaluate and stress over every single detail of a decision or are you usually okay with a “good enough” decision? Take-aways: Roasted Brussel Sprouts or Carrot Sticks: Sometimes decisions don’t need to be that hard. You don’t have to roast brussel sprouts when a bag of carrot sticks will suffice. If you’re a maximizer like Phyllis, practice satisficing. Good enough is good enough! A.U.T.H.O.R. - Ask yourself who you can commit to being and then be the person who has the most reason to make that decision. Be the author of your life choices! We want to have a conversation with you! There are many ways to connect with us. Here are some of them: Join our That's So Deep Community Group on Facebook. LIKE and FOLLOW us on: Facebook: @sodeeppeeps OR Instagram @thatssodeeppod Text us or leave us a voicemail: 805-288-0884 Email us: sodeeppeeps@gmail.com Be sure to RATE and REVIEW if you liked this podcast. You can also FOLLOW, SUBSCRIBE or SHARE. If you don’t want to miss an episode, click that BELL so you can be notified right away when the next episode releases. We love you and we can’t wait for our next deep conversation! Yours in Becoming, Phyllis & Julie Resources and articles we referenced in the episode: How To Make A Hard Decision - Life Kit Why Is It Difficult to Make Decisions? | Psychology Today Decision-Making | Psychology Today 5 Steps for Overcoming Indecision Armchair Expert…

That's So Deep

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E. 29 - Vulnerability - Part 2: Why Do We Armor Up? How Can We Show Up Authentically and Find Communities Where We Belong? 41:17

3 years ago41:17

41:17

Hello So Deep Peeps! Welcome to That’s So Deep. This is the podcast where we try to root out loneliness one conversation at a time. Today we are talking about Vulnerability - Part 2: Why Do We Armor Up? How Can We Show Up Authentically and Find Communities Where We Belong? (based on work by Brene Brown). Some deep things we cover: Fitting In vs. Belonging: When you fit in, you change yourself to enter the community. When you belong, you show up as you are and are embraced by the community. Vulnerability in Parenting vs. Authoritarian Parenting: Phyllis is experimenting with parenting by being a human next to her kids by being vulnerable with boundaries. Phyllis wonders if the armor that she used as a child still serves her as an adult. Masculine and Feminine Norms: According to Brene Brown, a shame trigger for masculine norms is weakness and for feminine norms it is imperfection. How does perfection show up for Julie and Phyllis? Phyllis discusses how insecurity causes her to armor up. Julie discusses why she armors up when it comes to her partnership. Self Talk: Do you engage in guilt talk or shame talk? Which one is better? A Mantra to Combat Imperfection: Brene Brown uses this one and Phyllis has adopted it too: “I don’t want to be right. I wanna get it right.” How do we create inclusive spaces so people can be a part of the conversation? Take-aways: What Armor Can We Do Away With That No Longer Serves Us? Where Does Perfection Show Up in Our Lives? We want to have a conversation with you! There are many ways to connect with us. Here are some of them: 1. Join our That's So Deep Community Group on Facebook. 2. LIKE and FOLLOW us on: Facebook: @sodeeppeeps OR Instagram @thatssodeeppod 3. Text us or leave us a voicemail: 805-288-0884 4. Email us: sodeeppeeps@gmail.com Be sure to RATE and REVIEW if you liked this podcast. You can also FOLLOW, SUBSCRIBE or SHARE with a friend. If you don’t want to miss an episode, click that BELL so you can be notified right away when the next episode releases. We love you and we can’t wait for our next deep conversation! Yours in Becoming, Phyllis & Julie Resources and articles we referenced in the episode: Vulnerable Definition & Meaning - Merriam-Webster Taken for Granted: Brené Brown on What Vulnerability Isn't (transcript) | TED Brené Brown on What Vulnerability Isn't - Taken for Granted | Podcast on Spotify…

That's So Deep

1
E. 28 - Vulnerability - Part 1: What it is and what it isn't 38:06

3 years ago38:06

38:06

Hello So Deep Peeps! Welcome to That’s So Deep . This is the podcast where we try to root out loneliness one conversation at a time. Today we are talking about Vulnerability - Part 1: What it is and What it isn’t (based on work by Brene Brown) Some deep things we cover: TW: Phyllis and Julie share some raw thoughts and feelings after the school shooting in Uvalde. Please take care of yourselves and skip the first 8 minutes of the podcast if you need some space to process. There is No Courage Without Vulnerability: Brene Brown defines “vulnerability” as uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure. Vulnerability in the Workplace: Being invulnerable at work can hamper connection with coworkers and yet being overly vulnerable can hijack productivity. Vulnerability can be appropriate in a work setting with the right boundaries. Vulnerability Without Boundaries is Not Vulnerability. The Messy House: Sometimes when we are overwhelmed we are a bit like a messy house. We overshare because we don’t have a good grasp on our “stuff” so it can spill out onto people. The Mask: What is the mask we put on to protect ourselves instead of showing up as our authentic selves? You Don’t Need to Cry to be Vulnerable The Color Spectrum of Authenticity: If we imagine ourselves as a color, showing up as our authentic selves can mean showing up in a different shade depending on the relationship and the moment. Take-aways: Vulnerability = Sharing with Boundaries + Intention of Connection Remember that vulnerability is not emotional dumping or oversharing. Before you share something personal figure out your intention. Is what you’re about to share something that will help build a stronger connection with your friend? And is this relationship an appropriate one to share at this level of depth? Connect with us! 1. Join our That's So Deep Community Group on Facebook. 2. LIKE and FOLLOW us on: Facebook: @sodeeppeeps OR Instagram @thatssodeeppod 3. Text us or leave us a voicemail: 805-288-0884 4. Email us: sodeeppeeps@gmail.com Be sure to RATE and REVIEW if you liked this podcast. You can also FOLLOW, SUBSCRIBE or SHARE with a friend. If you don’t want to miss an episode, click that BELL so you can be notified right away when the next episode releases. We love you and we can’t wait for our next deep conversation! Yours in Becoming, Phyllis & Julie Resources and articles we referenced in the episode: " Vulnerable" - Merriam-Webster Taken for Granted: Brené Brown on What Vulnerability Isn't (transcript) | TED Brené Brown on What Vulnerability Isn't - Taken for Granted Ways to advance solutions to end gun violence: 1. Urge your senators to pass gun safety legislation now. Moms Demand Action has a form you can fill out and the message will go directly to a senator in your state. 2. Donate to any of the following organizations: Moms Demand Action Everytown for Gun Safety Brady Campaign…

That's So Deep

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E. 27 - The Power of Music to Create Human Connection 39:07

3 years ago39:07

39:07

Hello So Deep Peeps! Welcome to That’s So Deep . This is the podcast where we try to root out loneliness one conversation at a time. Today we are talking about The Power of Music to Create Human Connection. Some deep things we cover: Phyllis and Julie share how music was such a joyful part of their upbringing. Phyllis and Julie love to dance! I see a virtual dance party in our future. Music is Ancient: It is embedded in so many cultures and has been with us since the beginning of time. Phyllis loves Encanto and Julie loves Moana: If you like these movies then we can be friends. If you don’t then we need to talk. Music is Amazing: It connects us to ourselves. It connects us to others. It’s a universal language. It’s infused in everything. It helps you feel your feelings. It’s powerful. It’s human. Take-aways: Let music be your medicine and companion. If we are having trouble feeling our feelings, let’s have music help us. Instead of scrolling through our phones, let’s find a song that can keep us company. We want to hear from you! What is your relationship with music? What was music like in your household growing up? What are your favorite songs? What songs resonate with you now? What songs capture high and low moments in your life? What are the stories behind those songs? Tell us your stories: Join our That's So Deep Community Group on Facebook. LIKE and FOLLOW us on: Facebook: @sodeeppeeps OR Instagram @thatssodeeppod Text us or leave us a voicemail: 805-288-0884 Email us: sodeeppeeps@gmail.com If you liked this podcast, be sure to RATE and REVIEW. You can also FOLLOW, SUBSCRIBE or SHARE with a friend. Click that BELL so you can be notified right away when the next episode releases. We love you and we can’t wait for our next deep conversation! Yours in Becoming, Phyllis & Julie Music and Artists we referenced in the episode: Original maori haka dance In the streets of Kharkiv, Ukraine-2022 - Bach Cello Suite no 5 in C minor All Of You (From "Encanto"/Lyric Video) Norah Jones - Come Away With Me The Corrs - Runaway Jason Mraz - The Remedy India.Arie - Video Stevie Nicks - Edge of Seventeen The Greatest Showman Cast - This Is Me Glen Hansard, Marketa Irglova - Falling Slowly Sarah McLachlan - Angel Sara Bareilles - Brave Lizzo - Good As Hell Ways to bring awareness and advance solutions to end gun violence: Wear Orange on June 3rd-5th and look for an event near you. Check out these organizations and see how you can get involved: Moms Demand Action Everytown for Gun Safety Brady Campaign…

That's So Deep

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E. 26 Love Languages: How to Love Our People by Speaking Their Language (based on the Book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman). 34:01

3 years ago34:01

34:01

Hello So Deep Peeps! Welcome to That’s So Deep . This is the podcast where we try to root out loneliness one conversation at a time. Today we are talking about Love Languages: How to Love Our People by Speaking Their Language (based on The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts by Dr. Gary Chapman). Some deep things we cover: What are the 5 Love Languages? I’m glad you asked! 1) Acts of Service 2) Words of Affirmation 3) Gifts 4) Quality Time 5) Touch Phyllis and Julie Take the Love Languages Quiz: Find out the results! Are We Monolingual or Multilingual? Can we speak more than one love language? And do our love languages change depending on who we spend time with? Ruling Out Love Languages: Identify which ones you can live without and the last one standing is probably your primary love language. We Give Love the Way We Receive Love: How can we translate those love languages so we can feel loved and how can we love others the way they would like to be loved? Showing Love Sometimes Means Cleaning Up Cat Vomit: If your loved one’s love language is acts of service, sometimes you need to suck it up and do the gross things that they can’t quite tolerate. A Cultural Aspect: Phyllis didn’t hear the words “I love you” growing up because it was not a part of her culture. The “Frommers”: Learn what this term means in Phyllis’ family and hear more about her kids’ love languages. Have You Filled a Bucket Today? A children's book about what it means to love and be kind. Take-aways: Write down a few memories of a time you felt really loved by a loved one. What category of love language does it fall into? Chances are, this is one of your primary love languages. Take the Love Languages quiz here: The Love Language™ Quiz and then have a conversation about it with a loved one. What would it look like to learn each other's love languages? We want to have a conversation with you! Here's how to connect with us: 1. Join our That's So Deep Community Group on Facebook. 2. LIKE and FOLLOW us on: FB: @sodeeppeeps OR Instagram @thatssodeeppod 3. Text us or leave us a voicemail: 805-288-0884 4. Email us: sodeeppeeps@gmail.com Be sure to RATE and REVIEW if you liked this podcast. You can also FOLLOW, SUBSCRIBE or SHARE. Click that BELL so you can be notified right away when the next episode releases. We love you and we can’t wait for our next deep conversation! Yours in Becoming, Phyllis & Julie Resources and articles we referenced: The 5 Love Languages - Book Smart Podcast Oprah and Dr. Gary Chapman: The Five Love Languages - Oprah's Super Soul Do you know the 5 love languages? The Love Language™ Quiz Have You Filled a Bucket Today? - McCloud, Carol, Messing, David…

That's So Deep

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E. 25 - What is Loneliness? 35:18

3 years ago35:18

35:18

Hello So Deep Peeps! Welcome to That’s So Deep . This is the podcast where we try to root out loneliness one conversation at a time. Today we are talking about Loneliness: What Is It? How Does It Feel? And What Can I Do About It? Some deep things we cover: What is Loneliness? Mental health professionals define it as the gap between the level of connectedness that you want and what you have. It turns out that loneliness is incredibly subjective. Loneliness is a Distress Signal: Just like hunger tells us we need food and thirst tells us we need water, loneliness tells us we need connection. We Often Don’t Recognize That We Are Lonely: Loneliness is tricky to identify because we have these “weapons of mass distraction” called phones that help us numb out our need for connection. Work Centered Lives vs. People Centered Lives: Our world does not put people first. It puts work first and we are lonelier and sicker than ever. What would our world look like if we truly put people first? Tend and Befriend Instinct: It turns out that in times of distress, people often help one another. Helping others is a great way to cure a lonely heart. Take-aways: Loneliness is Often Masked by Overwhelm, Boredom or Feeling Unsettled: If you’re scrolling through your phone aimlessly, chances are, you might be lonely. What can you do to feel more connected? What kind of connection are you wanting and how can you achieve that? Lend a Hand When You’re Lonely: Find ways to volunteer or help out a friend when you’re feeling lonely. It turns out that helping someone else feel like they matter helps you feel like you matter. Find Common Ground: If you struggle to find ways to connect with your loved ones, lean hard into the things that you do connect on. By leaning into the areas where you do connect, you are building the groundwork for deeper relationship. We want to have a conversation with you! There are many ways to connect with us. Here are some of them: 1. Join our That's So Deep Community Group on Facebook. 2. LIKE and FOLLOW us on: Facebook: @sodeeppeeps OR Instagram @thatssodeeppod 3. Text us or leave us a voicemail: 805-288-0884 4. Email us: sodeeppeeps@gmail.com If you liked this podcast, you can FOLLOW, SUBSCRIBE or SHARE with a friend and if you don’t want to miss an episode, click that BELL so you can be notified right away when the next episode releases. We love you and we can’t wait for our next deep conversation! Yours in Becoming, Phyllis & Julie Resources and articles we referenced in the episode: How to Know You're Lonely - How to Build a Happy Life | Podcast on Spotify How loneliness is damaging our health Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World - by Murthy MD, Vivek H…

That's So Deep

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E. 24 - Forgiveness: Why Forgive and Forget is NOT the Goal. 33:03

3 years ago33:03

33:03

Hello So Deep Peeps! Welcome to That’s So Deep . This is the podcast where we try to root out loneliness one conversation at a time. Today we are talking about Forgiveness: Why Forgive and Forget is NOT the Goal. Some deep things we cover: Apologies and Forgiveness are not a Gift Exchange: They are separate processes that happen for people on their own time. They take work, time and patience. Forgiveness is the deliberate decision to release feelings of anger, resentment or vengeance. Forgiveness is work that you do for yourself. It is a pathway to inner peace. Forgive and Forget is not Possible: This saying seems to again highlight our society’s inability to process and integrate unpleasant emotions into our lives. We need a new catchphrase! Forgive and Integrate? Forgive and Flourish? Help! Can Forgiveness Be Just as Compelling as Revenge on TV? We see it in soap operas, in reality TV shows, in movies…why is revenge so compelling? Forgiveness can be sexy too! Forgiveness = The New Revenge? Decision Based Forgiveness & Emotional Forgiveness: What is the difference? What are We Really Asking for When We Ask for Forgiveness? Apologizing and Forgiveness are Key Components of Healthy Relationship With Your Loved Ones: In a healthy relationship, we sometimes need to hold in tension our desire to reconnect and also give space for the other person’s process to forgive. Take-aways: Forgiveness is not a destination. It is a journey. Forgiveness is an internal pathway to peace. Sometimes when you ask for forgiveness, you may not get it. We want to have a conversation with you! There are many ways to connect with us. Here are some of them: 1. Join our That's So Deep Community Group on Facebook. 2. LIKE and FOLLOW us on: Facebook: @sodeeppeeps & Instagram @thatssodeeppod 3. Text us or leave us a voicemail: 805-288-0884 4. Email us: sodeeppeeps@gmail.com If you liked this podcast, you can FOLLOW, SUBSCRIBE or SHARE with a friend and if you don’t want to miss an episode, click that BELL so you can be notified right away when the next episode releases. We love you and we can’t wait for our next deep conversation! Yours in Becoming, Phyllis & Julie Resources and articles we referenced in the episode: 5 Ways to Forgive People (Even Those Who Don't Apologize) | Savvy Psychologist Forgiveness: Letting go of grudges and bitterness - Mayo Clinic Forgiveness | Psychology Today What is Forgiveness? (+9 Science-Based Benefits) What Really Feels Better, Forgiveness Or Revenge? New Research Has An Answer Which Is More Empowering, Forgiveness or Revenge? | Psychology Today Oprah Winfrey: FORGIVENESS - Oprah's Super Soul | Podcast on Spotify…

That's So Deep

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E. 23 - Fake Apologies vs. True Apologies: What's the Difference? 40:00

3 years ago40:00

40:00

Hello So Deep Peeps! Welcome to That’s So Deep . This is the podcast where we try to root out loneliness one conversation at a time. Today we are talking about Fake Apologies vs. True Apologies: What’s the Difference? Some deep things we cover: Fake Apologies: Conditional apologies, blanket apologies, silencing apologies…we’ve heard them all and done them all. True Apologies (according to Dr. Harriet Lerner): Do not include the word "but". Keep the focus on your actions and not on the other person's response Don't overdo. Don't get caught up in who's more to blame or who is right or wrong. Do not serve to silence someone. Apologies are the Beginning of Conversations…not the End. Apologizing to Your Children Builds Connection. Take-aways: Separate an Apology from Raising an Issue: If you’re going to raise an issue, then raise an issue. That’s okay. If you are going to apologize, then apologize and mean it. Separate the two. These are two different conversations. Apologize When You Feel Remorse and Make it Specific: This is where “fake it ‘till you make it” is not a great plan. If you don’t feel remorse then you have some work to do before you apologize. Apologies are a Gift to the Other Person and to Yourself: When you give a gift, you need to do some work to prepare it. Don’t just throw it in a used grocery bag and toss it to the other person. Take the time to do the emotional work necessary to really prepare the gift for yourself and for the other party. Your relationship will be better for it. We want to have a conversation with you! There are many ways to connect with us. Here are some of them: 1. Join our That's So Deep Community Group on Facebook 2. LIKE and FOLLOW us on: Facebook: @sodeeppeeps OR Instagram @thatssodeeppod 3. Text us or leave us a voicemail: 805-288-0884 4. Email us: sodeeppeeps@gmail.com If you liked this podcast, you can FOLLOW, SUBSCRIBE or SHARE with a friend and if you don’t want to miss an episode, click that BELL so you can be notified right away when the next episode releases. We love you and we can’t wait for our next deep conversation! Yours in Becoming, Phyllis & Julie Resources and articles we referenced in the episode: Harriet Lerner and Brené - I'm Sorry: How To Apologize & Why It Matters, Part 1 of 2 - Unlocking Us with Brené Brown 13 Fake Apologies Used By Narcissists | Psychology Today Why Won't You Apologize?: Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts: Lerner PhD, Harriet Out of Control: Why Disciplining Your Child Doesn't Work and What Will: Tsabary, Dr. Shefali…

That's So Deep

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E. 22 - Toxic Positivity 32:32

3 years ago32:32

32:32

Hello So Deep Peeps! Welcome to That’s So Deep . This is the podcast where we try to root out loneliness one conversation at a time. We discuss topics that help us connect more deeply with ourselves and with those we care about because we believe that connection is the antidote to a lonely heart. Today we are talking about Toxic Positivity (based on the work by Susan David in Emotional Agility ). Some deep things we cover: The “Everything Happens for a Reason” Mantra: In an effort to make people feel better with phrases like this one, we actually make people feel worse by trivializing their pain. Myths and Truths about Unpleasant Emotions: Myth: Unpleasant Emotions are Something to “Get Over.” If you’re not happy then you’re doing it wrong. Unpleasant emotions are an obstacle to perpetual joy. Truth: Unpleasant Emotions Contain Beacons of Meaning. We are hardwired to feel unpleasant emotions. It is 100% human. Unpleasant emotions point us towards what we value most. “Emotions are Information. They are NOT Directives.” - Susan David: Emotions don’t own you. You own them. Ditch Bottling and Brooding. Embrace CURIOSITY. Getting curious is a healthy way to interact with your feelings. There is rich learning to be had when you ask why. Take-aways: Hold up there, Little Miss Sunshine: Allow space for folks who are feeling it without jumping in with our toxically positive statements. Be a good listener. Feel It All but You ARE NOT the Feeling: Remember that emotions are information, not directives. You are in control and the feelings can help guide you. Get Down to the Granular Level: The more specific you are, the more information you get about what you care about. We want to have a conversation with you! The whole point of this podcast is to facilitate and encourage deeper conversations and we want to hear from you! Connect with us! 1. Join our That's So Deep Community Group on Facebook 2. LIKE and FOLLOW us on: Facebook: @sodeeppeeps Instagram @thatssodeeppod 3. Text us or leave us a voicemail: 805-288-0884 4. Email us: sodeeppeeps@gmail.com If you liked this podcast, you can FOLLOW, SUBSCRIBE or SHARE with a friend and if you don’t want to miss an episode, click that BELL so you can be notified right away when the next episode releases. We love you and we can’t wait for our next deep conversation! Yours in Becoming, Phyllis & Julie Resources and articles we referenced in the episode: What Is Toxic Positivity? 'Toxic Positivity' Is Real — and It's a Big Problem During the Pandemic The Dangers of Toxic Positivity, Part 1 of 2 - Brené Brown Susan David: The gift and power of emotional courage | TED Talk When The Body Says No – Chapter One - Dr. Gabor Maté Inside Out (2015 film) - Wikipedia…

That's So Deep

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E. 21 - What Can We Learn From Our Regrets? 49:35

3 years ago49:35

49:35

Hello So Deep Peeps! Welcome to That’s So Deep . This is the podcast where we try to root out loneliness one conversation at a time. Today we are talking about What We Can Learn From Our Regrets. Some deep things we cover: Reclaiming Regret: We are joining author Daniel Pink in reclaiming regret as a useful emotion for our humanity. The Beautiful and Ephemeral Quality of Life: Regrets can be painful because there are moments that we cannot get back once they are gone. Phyllis & Julie Get Deep About Their Regrets: We talk about some of our regrets and how these regrets speak to what we value now. Abandoning Our Sisterhood for Bad Romance: We explore the messages that have reinforced the lie that our value lies in the eyes of men instead of in our own hands. We Discuss the 4 Types of Regret from Daniel Pink’s Book The Power of Regret: a) Foundation regret b) Boldness regret c) Moral regret d) Connection regret When We Crack Open Our Regrets We Uncover Meaning: Could it be that in exploring our regrets, we find what we value most in life? Take-aways: Don’t be afraid of regret. Understand that it is a feeling that has evolved with humanity that is supposed to point us toward the most important things in our lives. Look within the regret and find the meaning it is pointing you towards. What do you value now more than ever because of a regret in your life? We want to have a conversation with you! The whole point of this podcast is to facilitate and encourage deeper conversations and we want to hear from you! There are many ways to connect with us. Here are some of them: Join our That's So Deep Community Group on Facebook. LIKE and FOLLOW us on Facebook: @sodeeppeeps & Instagram @thatssodeeppod Text us or leave us a voicemail: 805-288-0884 Email us: sodeeppeeps@gmail.com If you liked this podcast, you can FOLLOW, SUBSCRIBE or SHARE with a friend and if you don’t want to miss an episode, click that BELL so you can be notified right away when the next episode releases. We love you and we can’t wait for our next deep conversation! Yours in Becoming, Phyllis & Julie Resources and articles we referenced in the episode: Daniel H. Pink: 4 kinds of regret -- and what they teach you about yourself | TED Talk The Power of Regret - Brené Brown REGRET: What if we'd done things differently? - We Can Do Hard Things with Glennon Doyle | Podcast on Spotify Top five regrets of the dying | Death and dying | The Guardian Kathryn Schulz: Don't regret regret | TED Talk Regrets, I Have A Few | Hidden Brain : NPR…

That's So Deep

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E. 20 - 20 Questions with Phyllis and Julie! 46:44

3 years ago46:44

46:44

Hello So Deep Peeps! Welcome to That’s So Deep . This is the podcast where we try to root out loneliness one conversation at a time. Today we are celebrating our 20th episode with 20 Questions with Phyllis and Julie! We hope you enjoy it and get to know us a little better :) Find out: What subjects Phyllis and Julie were bad at in school. What Phyllis and Julie find hard that most people find easy. What Julie’s pets would sound like if they could talk. What Phyllis and Julie think are essential for a long term relationship. Whether or not Phyllis and Julie think aliens exist. And much more! Take-aways: No real takeaways! We just hope you enjoyed this conversation and maybe try some of these questions with some of your friends or acquaintances to take the conversation deeper. Let us know if there are other questions you have for us that we didn’t answer. We would love to hear from you and we will address your questions in upcoming podcasts! We want to have a conversation with you! The whole point of this podcast is to facilitate and encourage deeper conversations and we want to hear from you! There are many ways to connect with us. Here are some of them: Join our That's So Deep Community Group on Facebook. LIKE and FOLLOW us on: Facebook: @sodeeppeeps Instagram @thatssodeeppod Text us or leave us a voicemail: 805-288-0884 Email us: sodeeppeeps@gmail.com If you liked this podcast, you can FOLLOW, SUBSCRIBE or SHARE with a friend and if you don’t want to miss an episode, click that BELL so you can be notified right away when the next episode releases. We love you and we can’t wait for our next deep conversation! Yours in Becoming, Phyllis & Julie Resources and articles we referenced in the episode: Awkward Silence…

That's So Deep

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E. 19 - Feedback: It's Everywhere...So Why Do We Get It Wrong? 38:40

3 years ago38:40

38:40

Hello So Deep Peeps! Welcome to That’s So Deep . This is the podcast where we try to root out loneliness one conversation at a time. Today’s episode is titled Feedback: It’s Everywhere…So Why Do We Get it Wrong? Some deep things we cover: Feedback is Life : Understanding feedback helps us grow and connect to each other. First Understand Feedback: Don’t take feedback at face value. Before reacting to feedback, ask questions. Three Categories of Feedback: Appreciation, Coaching and Evaluation. Cross Transactions: When we are asking for one type of feedback and we get another type it creates conflict and disconnection. Human Intelligence is Organized Around Stories: Computers manage and access data but human intelligence is organized around stories. Beware: we often think our interpretation of data is the data itself. Feedback is a Two-Way Street: Even if you package it well, it can be received poorly. Phyllis’ Jekyll and Hyde Way of Giving Feedback: Phyllis unpacks how she tried to use appreciation to compensate for her hypercritical feedback. Pushing vs. Pulling: Pushing happens from the feedback giver and may not create the change desired in the feedback receiver. Pulling happens from within the feedback receiver and that is where the real change happens. Honest Mirrors and Supportive Mirrors: We need both types of friends who reflect the truth but also provide us with the support we need to change. Take-aways: Take a Mirror Inventory: List the supportive mirrors and the honest mirrors in your life. We need both types of people to help us grow. Ask For What You Need: Use the 3 categories of appreciation, coaching and evaluation to ask for what we need when we are wanting feedback. Delay Judgment and Get Curious: Ask clarifying questions about the feedback you’re receiving so you can properly understand the story that the feedback giver is giving you. We want to have a conversation with you! The whole point of this podcast is to facilitate and encourage deeper conversations and we want to hear from you! There are many ways to connect with us. Here are some of them: Join our That's So Deep Community Group on Facebook. LIKE and FOLLOW us on: Facebook: @sodeeppeeps Instagram @thatssodeeppod Text us or leave us a voicemail: 805-288-0884 Email us: sodeeppeeps@gmail.com If you liked this podcast, you can FOLLOW, SUBSCRIBE or SHARE with a friend and if you don’t want to miss an episode, click that BELL so you can be notified right away when the next episode releases. We love you and we can’t wait for our next deep conversation! Yours in Becoming, Phyllis & Julie Resources and articles we referenced in the episode: Let's Talk: Make Effective Feedback Your Superpower: Huston, Therese Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well: Stone, Douglas, Heen, Sheila The Essentials: Giving Feedback - Women at Work | Podcast on Spotify Dr. Nicole LePera (@the.holistic.psychologist)…

That's So Deep

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E. 18 Pt.2 - Unsolicited Advice: What Motivates Us to Give Advice? 37:11

3 years ago37:11

37:11

Hello So Deep Peeps! Welcome to That’s So Deep . This is the podcast where we try to root out loneliness one conversation at a time. Today we are talking about Unsolicited Advice Part 2: What Motivates Us to Give Advice? Some deep things we cover: We are a Helpful Species: We made it this far because people know how to work together and collaborate. Advice can be a way that people try to help. But Sometimes We Can Be Unhelpful (oops!): There are times when we give advice out of our own neediness and our own powerlessness. We may not feel like we have control or agency in our own lives so we give advice to feel a sense of power or emotional validation. Let Me Give You Advice to Make You Stop Talking: Sometimes friends ruminate on a problem and we give advice in hopes of stopping the flow of complaints. We discuss a more direct approach that may be worth a try. Being Teacher All the Time: There are folks who want to be teacher ALL THE TIME. It can be excruciating. We share some thoughts on how to try to view them with compassion and also let them know that you don’t need their advice. Take-aways: Relationship Balance: Ask yourself if your go-to people can also go to you and vice versa. Are there people who come to you but you can’t go to them? How does it make you feel in these relationships? How do these relationships work for you? If they don’t work for you, what needs to shift? Check Your Motivations Before/During/After Giving Advice: Find friends who can help you grow in these areas. If you find yourself spouting advice because your life is a bit chaotic and you’re feeling needy…acknowledge that, apologize and ask for help. You can check your motivations at any point in the process. Have Faith in People: Trust that others are on their journeys and they don’t need you to advise them every step of the way. Try encouragement in lieu of advice. You may find it might just yield better results. We want to have a conversation with you! Here's how to connect with us: Join our That's So Deep Community Group on Facebook. LIKE and FOLLOW us on: Facebook @sodeeppeeps Instagram @thatssodeeppod Text us or leave us a voicemail: 805-288-0884 Email us: sodeeppeeps@gmail.com If you liked this podcast, FOLLOW, SUBSCRIBE or SHARE with a friend and if you don’t want to miss an episode, click that BELL so you can be notified right away when the next episode releases. We love you and we can’t wait for our next deep conversation! Yours in Becoming, Phyllis & Julie Resources and articles we referenced: Let's Talk: Make Effective Feedback Your Superpower: Huston, Therese Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well: Stone, Douglas, Heen, Sheila The Essentials: Giving Feedback - Women at Work | Podcast on Spotify Types of Unsolicited Advice That Cause Stress How to Handle Unwanted Advice by Setting Boundaries…

That's So Deep

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E. 17 Pt.1 - Unsolicited Advice: The Thing We Love to Give and Hate to Receive. 29:26

3 years ago29:26

29:26

Hello So Deep Peeps! Welcome to That’s So Deep . This is the podcast where we try to root out loneliness one conversation at a time. Today we are talking about Unsolicited Advice: The Thing We Love to Give And Hate to Receive. Some deep things we cover: How do you feel when people give you unsolicited advice? Relationship Triggers: Sometimes you can’t take advice simply because of the relationship you have with the person who is giving the advice even if the advice is sound. Three Categories of Feedback: Appreciation, Coaching and Evaluation. Love and Belonging VS. Growth: Sometimes these can be opposing forces inside our hearts and minds. All Advice is Autobiographical: We inevitably give advice to others through the lens of our own lives. It is unavoidable. We see you New Moms! People are talking at you all day everyday but we want you to know that you’re killing it! Being a Friend to Our Friend’s Who are Stuck in a Bad Relationship: We talk about how tricky it is to speak truth, hold space and keep boundaries so we can help catch our friends when they are ready. Take-aways: To the Advice Giver: Remember that all advice is autobiographical. You are approaching your friends from your lens and your life experiences and attempting to speak into their lives. Try a more curious approach and try to understand their lens before jumping in. To the Advice Receiver: Before sharing, think about what you need: When you share with a friend, you can sometimes open yourself up for advice even if what you need is just to process your feelings. Try to figure out what you need before sharing so that you can ask for what you need and your friend can be a better friend to you. Surround yourself with loving and encouraging people: Good friends encourage, support and speak truth. Find those people and spend as much time as you can with them so that you can become the best you that you can be. *** We want to have a conversation with you! The whole point of this podcast is to facilitate and encourage deeper conversations and we want to hear from you! There are many ways to connect with us. Here are some of them: Text us or leave us a voicemail: 805-288-0884 Email us: sodeeppeeps@gmail.com Join our That's So Deep Community Group on Facebook. LIKE and FOLLOW us on: Facebook @sodeeppeeps Instagram @thatssodeeppod If you liked this podcast, you can FOLLOW, SUBSCRIBE or SHARE with a friend and if you don’t want to miss an episode, click that BELL so you can be notified right away when the next episode releases. We love you and we can’t wait for our next deep conversation! Yours in Becoming, Phyllis & Julie Resources and articles we referenced in the episode: Let's Talk: Make Effective Feedback Your Superpower: Huston, Therese Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well: Stone, Douglas, Heen, Sheila The Essentials: Giving Feedback - Women at Work | Podcast on Spotify…

That's So Deep

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E. 16 - Complaining: Why do we do it? And does it really make us feel better? 41:10

3 years ago41:10