54: Listen BEFORE you BREAK UP with Your Avoidant Partner - 5 Reasons You Can’t Find a Secure Partner

The Anxious To Secure PODCAST

🖤 3min FREE Attachment Style QUIZ:

https://themarriagecoach.outgrow.us/attachmentstyle3mquiz

"Why can't I find a secure partner?"

Let me share with you 5 reasons why...

Ever wondered why the “safe” ones feel boring... or why you keep falling for hot/cold dynamics that leave you spiralling?

You're not broken. You're just wired to seek love that feels familiar - not safe.

Hi, I'm Jula — The Anxious to Secure Coach 🖤

I used to think if I just broke up with my avoidant partner... everything would magically fall into place. I’d meet someone secure, calm, available — and finally feel at peace.

But when I stumbled into attachment theory and realized I was anxiously attached, I had a BIG wake-up call.

It wasn’t just about him.
It was about what my nervous system was calling “love.”

So in this episode, I’m breaking down the REAL reason why you can’t just “pick” a secure person and suddenly become secure yourself.

CURIOUS? LISTEN IN IF:
➞ You’ve been in therapy and still date emotionally unavailable people
➞ You say you want healthy love, but feel bored when you get it
➞ You’re stuck in an anxious-avoidant loop and feel like you're the problem
➞ Or you’re THIS close to leaving your avoidant partner… and wondering if the grass is greener

THIS EPISODE = A WAKE-UP CALL + A PLAN 🖤

We’re diving into the 5 subconscious reasons your body says “YES” to the wrong type of love — and then in Part 2, I’ll walk you through the exact steps to rewire your system so secure love starts to feel safe AND sexy again ✨

🎧 CHAPTERS:

00:00 LISTEN BEFORE you BREAK UP with Your Avoidant
02:05 5 Reasons You Can’t Find a Secure Partner
02:36 1. You don’t “choose” your partner... your subconscious & nervous system does
03:57 2. You're still ANXIOUSLY attached - so your body doesn't even recognize SECURE as love yet
05:27 3. Anxious + Avoidant is one of the most COMMON but most confusing dynamics
08:12 4. You haven’t updated your COMFORT ZONE - so your “type” is actually your trauma
10:17 5. Even if you find a secure partner… it won’t “fix” the anxious part of you
11:32 What can happen to the Secure Partner SHOULD you be in a relationship with them... (NOT what you think)
12:50 PART 02
13:01 TEXT + TALK: Coaching in your Pocket
15:32 Heal your Anxious Attachment: 4 | 8 Month Coaching Program
16:34 The 90min Breakthrough Call
17:26 YOUR ACTION PLAN: How to Create a NEW Comfort Zone That Feels Safe
17:51 1. ✣ RELEASE YOUR EMOTIONS
21:31 2. ✣ REWIRE YOUR BELIEFS
26:30 3. ✣ RECONNECT WITH YOUR NEEDS
32:32 4. ✣ PRACTICE CALM IN SMALL DOSES
35:16 Remember...

🖤 Attachment LIBRARY:

FREE Attachment LIBRARY

(worksheets, prompts, quizzes and more)

https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach

🖤 1:1 Support + Courses:

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♥️ YOUTUBE:

(4 ways How to DETACH emotionally)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WLi57Sgd3nE&t=1567s