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59: the ONE thing you're doing WRONG if you have an anxious attachment (and what works better with the avoidant partner)
Manage episode 490887089 series 3618577
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If you’re anxiously attached and feel like you’re RUINING every good relationship... this episode might just be your wake-up call
🖤 Do you chase closeness when your partner pulls away?
🖤 Do you try to FIX the disconnection… by doing MORE?
🖤 Do you spiral in your head wondering “Did I say something wrong?”
🖤 Are you exhausted from overgiving, overthinking, and over performing… and STILL feeling unsafe in love?
You're not crazy. You're not too much.
But your nervous system thinks you’re in danger—and it’s running the show.
In this episode, I’m sharing:
✣ the #1 MISTAKE most anxious attachers make (without even realizing it)
✣ why “doing more” actually pushes love away
✣ the invisible FIGHT MODE pattern that’s draining your nervous system
✣ how to finally feel SAFE without chasing or fixing everything
✣ 4 quick steps to get out of the spiral and back into your power and to create more connection with your avoidant attached partner
Here’s a story I’ve never shared like this before…
Back when I lived in London, I had this one tiny habit that changed everything…
I stopped running for the bus.
Like—I saw it coming… and I LET it go.
Why?
Because my whole body was in panic mode 24/7.
My brain thought every moment was urgent.
So I was teaching my nervous system a new truth:
✨ We’re not in danger.
✨ We don’t have to rush.
✨ We’re safe to slow down.
That’s how healing starts.
Not just with knowing the patterns—but with retraining your body to feel safe in love 💭💋🖤
Listen to today’s episode of the anxious to secure podcast
if you're tired of feeling like you're “too much” or like you always have to work for love.
Let’s shift out of overgiving and into inner safety, one breath at a time ✨🖤
🖤 Attachment LIBRARY:
FREE Attachment LIBRARY
(worksheets, prompts, quizzes and more)
https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach
🖤 1:1 Support + Courses:
https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach
🖤 3min FREE Attachment Style QUIZ:
https://themarriagecoach.outgrow.us/attachmentstyle3mquiz
CHAPTERS:
00:00 Are you doing THIS wrong too?? UPS...
01:23 THE BIG MISTAKE
03:53 What happens in your body?
05:25 The Cycle of Fight or Flight or Freeze
06:54 How it impact ALL other areas of life
09:45 The root cause
10:18 Why your body thinks we are living in CAVES
11:25 The HOW....
17:19 Remember this
18:33 Quick RESETS: Regulating Emotions and Building Safety
DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor. This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions. This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.
Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.
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