The 4 Pillars of Happiness

The Beyond Average Podcast

The 4 Pillars of Happiness

So many people today are running after happiness and feel stuck on a hamster wheel, where they are running with tremendous effort but are getting nowhere.

I believe that this is because we've started with the wrong definition of happiness. We believe that if we can have more money (and just a little more) then we'll be satisfied. I suppose this is why the richest man in modern history (he was a billionaire in the early 1900's), Rockefeller, when asked by a reporter "How much money is enough?" replied saying, "Just a little more."

And along with our money we believe that if we can amass enough stuff, enough possessions, that they will bring us joy. But we've all experienced the initial thrill of buying something only to have that excitement dissipate quickly and eventually that purchase just ends up as more clutter in our lives.

And so we try and fill the void with becoming successful or at least by obtaining some measure of fame... even if it is just for a fleeting moment on social media.

A New Definition (Or An Old One)

I really believe that the ancients had a much better understanding of happiness and how to achieve it.

Aristotle defined happiness as 'human flourishing' and the ancient Greeks defined it as 'the joy you feel moving towards your potential'.

I believe that we can achieve happiness through connection and growth. There has been a lot of scientific research into happiness (see Shawn Achor's book 'The Happiness Advantage') which has revealed 4 key pillars to achieving happiness. So let's take a look at each of the 4 pillars.

Connect Deeply

Isn't it crazy that in our modern society, that while we might be surrounded by more people (10's of 1000s, even millions more) that we have become more disconnected and lonelier? In fact, the pandemic of our age is the disease of loneliness!

While we may have hundreds of 'friends' on FaceBook and other social media platforms, we're lonely. Social media is a place to put on masks, to show off how great life is for us... not where we take off the masks and invite people to truly connect with us on an intimate level.

True connection is where we invite people into intimacy with us. Into in-to-me-see. It's a place of great vulnerability as we allow others to see our flaws and failures, our shadow selves (the darker side of us) ... but it is also the place of true freedom. There is nothing more freeing than taking off your mask, revealing your flaws and being accepted and loved, warts and all!

Be Positive

It just stands to reason that if we're going to lead a life of happiness that we need to be positive. And for those who have always seen the glass as half empty this can be challenging. Now, when I say positive, I'm not talking about being one of those people who live in La-La Land and pretend everything is sunshine and roses all the time. I'm just talking about a way of viewing life that takes in reality but seeks to make lemonade out of the lemons that get tossed your way. Life is all about mindsets, and we can change our mindsets!

One of the best ways to develop your positivity is to practice grattitude. I am naturally a very positive person, but even I have found the practice of gratitude to be a game changer. And trust me, during those challenging times, this practice will be an anchor for you!

I encourage you to get a blank journal where you can write down the following each day:

• 3 things that you're grateful for about your personal life
• 3 things that you're grateful for in your value exchange (work) life
• 3 things that you're grateful for about yourself
• 1 thing that you're grateful for about each of those who are closest to you

If writing isn't your thing, then at least mentally go through this list daily.

Be Curious

Watching babies and toddlers lets you realise that we all are born with an innate sense of curiosity. But somewhere along the line we tend to lose that curiosity, especially as the speed of life increases.

But in our break neck speed of life, we tend to miss out all sorts of opportunities and serendipity that are happening all around us. And we simply get stuck in a certain groove. This leads to more of the same and boredom. It means that we never break out of our patterns and experience the joy of all the serendipity that is waiting to meet us.

I believe that one of the best practices to keep us curious and slow us down enough to look for opportunity and serendipity as we move through the world is to practice mindfulness. Mindfulness meditation has become more mainstream but many people still have meditation in the woo-woo box. To be honest, that was me for the longest time. What brought me around was that I kept hearing from successful people in all spheres of life, that meditation was one of their keystone habits that led them to become successful. Well, my curiosity got the better of me and I deep dived into meditation. And what I found was a beautiful practice... without the woo-woo.

In fact, in 2015, I wrote and published a book on Amazon called, 'Meditation for Beginners, Without the Woo-Woo'. It is a great short read (I know, what a shameless plug!) that will give you the right mindset and skills to succeed in your meditation journey. Do yourself a favour and get it on Amazon. Its just a few bucks, but it will be one the purchases you make this year that you'll be the most thankful for.

Grow After It

This fourth pillar of happiness is what the next 6 weeks of the podcast will be devoted to. We come alive when we pursue meaningful life goals. In fact, in the next episode of the podcast we will see that we were designed to be stretched!

My Challenge to You

So now you know the 4 pillars to happiness. The question now is what will you do with this knowledge?

I challenge you to create the habits and routines in your week that will make sure that you are connecting deeply, practicing gratitude and mindfulness and pursuing goals that matter. In fact, I'd encourage you right now to calendar time for these 4 practices for the next month.

I also want to encourage you to share this episode with others. The journey is always better together!

Connect

Leave a comment and let me know what you thought. I'm also available to answer any questions you may have on today's topic.

In The Next Episode:

In the next episode we’ll look at how we are designed to grow after it. The episode is called Elastic Beings.

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Show Sponsor:

This season of the podcast is brought to you by Beyond Average Coaching. There is one-on-one and group coaching available to help take the business of you further, faster. To find out more check out the Work With Me page.

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