If You’re the Only One Trying in Your Marriage, Listen to This

The Catholic Couch

What do you do when you’re the one reading the books, going to therapy, initiating the hard conversations—and your spouse seems checked out, defensive, or emotionally unavailable? In this deeply honest episode of The Catholic Couch, Catholic therapist Amber Pilkington speaks directly to the woman carrying the emotional, spiritual, and relational weight of her marriage alone.

You’ll learn how attachment styles, trauma responses, and unmet needs shape relationship dynamics—and what Catholic theology teaches about staying faithful without becoming a martyr. This episode offers hope, clarity, and boundaries for the woman who feels abandoned in a marriage that’s still technically intact.

What You'll Learn:

• What it means when one spouse is "emotionally unavailable"
• The difference between self-gift and self-erasure
• What secure attachment looks like when only one person is doing the emotional work
• Why emotional labor isn’t sinful—but it is exhausting without reciprocity
• Catholic teachings on love, dignity, and when it’s okay to take a step back
• How to create boundaries rooted in truth, not punishment or manipulation
• Why spiritualizing passivity can actually delay healing for both spouses

Psychology References:

• Johnson, S. (2019). Attachment Theory in Practice
• Brown, B. (2010). The Gifts of Imperfection
• Porges, S. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory
• Gottman, J., & Silver, N. (2015). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work

Catholic References:

• Catechism of the Catholic Church §§ 1604, 1644, 1649–1651
• Pope St. John Paul II, Theology of the Body
• Ephesians 5:25–33
• Galatians 6:2 – “Bear one another’s burdens…” but not become one another’s burden
• CCC 1782 – “Man has the right to act in conscience and in freedom…”

Quotes to Remember:

“You can love your spouse deeply and still say: I can’t carry both of us forever.”
“God does not ask women to save marriages by slowly disappearing inside them.”
“One-sided effort is noble for a season. But marriage is a covenant, not a performance.”
“Sacrifice is holy. But so is truth.”

Take Action:
If this episode spoke to you, please share it with a friend, a fellow Catholic wife, or someone quietly wondering if she’s the only one still trying. You’re not alone. And your love matters.

Don’t forget to subscribe, leave a review, and comment to let us know what parts spoke to you.

Disclaimer:
This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional counseling, spiritual direction, or medical advice. While I’m a licensed Catholic therapist, I am not your therapist—and listening to this podcast does not create a therapeutic relationship.If you’re experiencing significant distress, please reach out to a licensed mental health provider in your area, your parish priest, or a trusted support resource. If you're in crisis, contact 988 or your local emergency services.The Catholic Counseling Institute exists to support women with resources that integrate faith and psychological insight. We’re here to walk with you, but we are not a crisis line or emergency care provider.