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Kind Is Not a Virtue—St. Catherine and the Art of Holy Assertiveness
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Episode Title: Kind Is Not a Virtue—St. Catherine and the Art of Holy Assertiveness
Host: Amber Pilkington, LPC-S | Catholic therapist, wife, and founder of The Catholic Counseling Institute
Episode Summary:
In this episode, we explore the bold and holy assertiveness of St. Catherine of Siena and why kindness—though lovely—is not one of the theological virtues. Many Catholic women confuse passivity with virtue and struggle with guilt when they say "no" or ask for what they need. This episode brings theological clarity, psychological tools, and one of Amber’s favorite therapy acronyms to help you speak the truth in love.
Timestamps
00:00 – Opening hook: “Kind is not a virtue”
01:20 – Welcome and podcast mission
02:40 – The Catechism on virtue: Faith, Hope, and Charity
04:05 – Who was St. Catherine of Siena, and why was she not "nice"?
07:30 – Passive, aggressive, assertive: communication styles explained
09:20 – What is the "Fawn Response" and why do people-pleasers develop it?
11:10 – DEAR MAN: A Catholic-friendly breakdown of assertive communication
14:55 – How to use these skills in real life (ministry, marriage, motherhood)
17:00 – Jesus and clarity in Matthew 5:37
18:10 – Reflection questions for journaling and spiritual growth
19:30 – Closing encouragement and how to support the show
Referenced Sources:
- Catechism of the Catholic Church, Paragraph 1813
- Matthew 5:37 – “Let your yes mean yes…”
- St. Catherine of Siena’s Letters to Pope Gregory XI
- Herman, Judith. (1992). Trauma and Recovery
- Linehan, Marsha. (1993). Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder
Citations (APA Format)
Catechism of the Catholic Church. (1997). Part Three: Life in Christ, ¶1813. Vatican.va.
Herman, J. L. (1992). Trauma and recovery: The aftermath of violence—from domestic abuse to political terror. Basic Books.
Linehan, M. M. (1993). Cognitive-behavioral treatment of borderline personality disorder. Guilford Press.
New American Bible. (2002). Matthew 5:37.
St. Catherine of Siena. (2000). The Letters of St. Catherine of Siena (trans. Suzanne Noffke, OP). Paulist Press.Disclaimer
This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for personal mental health care, diagnosis, or counseling. Listening to this episode does not constitute a therapeutic relationship. Please consult with a licensed professional if you are seeking clinical support. This content is intended to integrate Catholic teaching and psychological insights in a way that supports your personal and spiritual growth, but it is not a substitute for professional guidance or spiritual direction.
Disclaimer:
This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional counseling, spiritual direction, or medical advice. While I’m a licensed Catholic therapist, I am not your therapist—and listening to this podcast does not create a therapeutic relationship.If you’re experiencing significant distress, please reach out to a licensed mental health provider in your area, your parish priest, or a trusted support resource. If you're in crisis, contact 988 or your local emergency services.The Catholic Counseling Institute exists to support women with resources that integrate faith and psychological insight. We’re here to walk with you, but we are not a crisis line or emergency care provider.
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