Season 1, episode 44: Why is my…PERIOD LATE? AND BROWN? Just Google It!

The Hate Napkin

Special guest Carla from Burnt Korn, Alabama, leads off with a hate bargain. For a mere $1,500—or the price she paid in Mexico to have all her teeth extracted and replaced—you too can pay to have your dog’s infected tooth removed. Seriously, folks, next time your precious pooch has a toothache, scale The Wall with a couple of pesos and a burrito in your pocket and go visit Dr. Vasquez in Matamoros, Mexico.

Sound engineer Pauly from Bali next chimes in with a Hall of Hate, despicable phrase. There is nothing worse than when you’re debating a moron (who is standing up for a fascist, narcissist world leader), and they justify their position by telling you, “Just Google it.” Well, yes, there is something worse: when said idiot leading the rhetorical charge is a Frenchman.

Don’t do it! Don’t do it! Co-host Arik names the Orange Dung Gibbon and is instantly exiled to the THN Penalty Box. No, that really happened. “Just Snopes it.”

Arik escapes the penalty box and rants about The Flat Earth Society. No, really, the Earth is a dirt pancake. It is! “You need to educate yourself.”

Next up: predictive text! Why is my…POOP GREEN? POOP BLACK? POOP RED? POOP SMELLING LIKE A FRENCHMAN?

Why is my…SPACEBAR NOT WORKING? Um, think about that one.

Why is my…CAT SHREDDING ALL MY TOILET PAPER?

The Great Debate! Toilet Paper: Over the Top? Under the Top? Arik is an over-the-top kind of guy, but Carla makes a good point: she’s under the top, so the cat won’t shred all the toilet paper. “Just ask anyone.”

And, finally, bringing up the rear: Why is my…DISCHARGE BROWN? Probably for the same reason: Why is my…THUMB NUMB? “Just ask Excite.”